She is 11 mos. older than me and just turned 52. She is at a great hospital in Boston where she is receiving great care. I have learned alot reading everyone's stories and am greatful to have somewhere that I can express myself.
My question to everyone is how to handle this situation. After being best friends with my sister for over half a century she became very angry at me about a year ago. She would never return my email or phone calls. This hurt me deeply because I still don't know why she was so mad. I tried my best to smooth things over but she continued to ignore my calls. I ended up losing touch with her entire family. I had to let go because it was unhealthy for me to continue to stay in touch with them.
9 months went by with updates about her family from our mother. My sister was living a very normal life without me in it.
THEN THE CALL CAME IN FROM MY NIECE.(her daughter) SATURDAY NIGHT FROM A BOSTON HOSPITAL. Telling me all the details of my sisters ruptured aneurysm and being life flighted to a great hospital. She is in very rough shape. My sisters husband, daughters and children are keeping vigil each day while I stay away.
I have so many questions. If my sister survives will she still be angry at me if I go to the hospital with my other family members? Will she recent me for trying to help her?
Normally I would be down there helping because that is my nature and we were so close our entire life.
Hi Beth...~ Life is too short...forgot about the past and focus on today...go down and see the entire family ... and tell them "no matter what, you love them and your sister and you are here for all of them..."...if they reject you, "so be it"...if not...it will be a start to healing this relationship...
Hi Beth. If it were me, I'd go the hospital to stand vigil as well. I wouldn't go into her romm though. You don't know what her reaction will be. Pray and seek ultimate guidance on what your actions should be as I will pray for your family.
Thank you for your kind words. I am considering everything. If my sister survives this is she going to look back on what happened to her and be grateful to be alive. Is she the one that will have forgiveness in her heart. Will she be willing to forget the petty arguments and realize how important life is?......will she want me in her life?
Thanks for the wonderful insight. I pray all the time for her and always have. I am most curious if someone who survives a ruptured aneurysm and gets another chance at life will they be grateful for that? From what I read most are truly happy to be alive. I am hoping for this for my sister too. It will be a shame if she does not want a loving sister in her life.
Honestly Beth...Your sister has a long road...ahead of her and may not even remember the argument and/or anything...this journey changes a person...and I think you should focus on being there for support then about this argument...in the end, all of our arguments with our sister's are silly (I have 3 sister's, I know)...there will be time someday to talk through, but for now...it is her Life that is important...and all those that love her surrounding her ~ Gotcha in my Thoughts ~ Colleen
Ps...by no means ... do I think any of this is easy for you...
Well thanks for all of the information. I truly do appreciate all of it. Part of the issue is that I am in a wheelchair myself. I have a chronic illness and it makes it hard for me to get out of the house. Having a disability has been very hard on me and my family and I rely on positive communication with them to get through. My husband has agreed to take me to see my sister when I am having a good day and not in too much pain. He is my angel.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It truly is very helpful for me. I have read that many survivors feel the way you do. So happy to have survived and let go of the pettiness. I will take what you said to heart and remember your words when I go to see her. I have never held grudges and I am always ready to help whoever is in need. I will pray she and I will have a relationship again someday. I love her so much. I always have and always will. Thanks for the wonderful and kind words.
Thanks for sharing your experience with me. You have made me feel so much better and I feel like I have some direction again. I am not so lost anymore. I truly believe my sister loves me and always has. We are Irish twins and can answer each others sentences. Our family has always been very close up until I became sick I think she could not handle it for some reason. Now she is facing some serious challenges and my husband believes that God has a hand in this and hopefully we will accept each others limitations and appreciate each other once again. Thank you, thank you so much. Your words mean so much to me.
I can respond from three perspectives. One is as a volunteer at a hospital that works the surgery information desk at times. When a family member shows up and asks to see a patient, we always check with the patient first. If the patient is still in surgery or is not responsive yet, we will not let the family member in. The reasons for this is there have been times when patients got very upset when they saw people they didn’t want to see or weren’t prepared to see.
My second prospective is while lying on a gurney after a ruptured brain aneurysm. My (25 year ago) ex-wife walked in and all I could think of was; what is she doing here? When my wife realized I was getting upset she asked them to leave. I was in no condition to deal with that situation sprung on me like that.
That being said I have had a grandchild since then. He is a beautiful boy and the child of my daughter from my ex-wife and me. My ex-wife and I are now forced together by circumstances bigger (or smaller in this case) than both of us. My journey has made me realize that for everyone’s sake, peace in the family is best for everyone.
My third perspective is from someone who was having serious marital problems the day before my aneurysm ruptured. It’s been over two years since then and we have grown as close as ever. So don’t give up hope. Anything is possible.
Your sister is going through a very difficult time. She may not even know what is going on around her or may not remember anything that happens right now . Give her space, be there if you can on the periphery but don’t force anything. Let other family know you want to be there and reconnect with her but don’t push it. She may come out of this like many of us, and realize petty arguments are just that and we all need as much love and as little drama as possible.
There are so many things we don't know about pre aneurysm growth such as can they be felt?, were previous headaches and migraines and bellwhether? With that in mind it can't be ruled out that her disposition towards you was a result of the aneurysm growth. If it presses within certain areas it would possible to affect brain neurons and the transmission of critical information related to personality.
If I were you I would visit and try to mend fences. From my own experienc with my wife's rupture, she is a totally different 'personality' person then pre-aneurysm.
You obviously love your sister. Whatever happened in the past is not very important now. Be brave and go be the sister she needs. Families let these incidents wipe out family relationship. Grew up in a family lie that. You have to do what is good for your heart. If she is awake and still angry it means she survived. Go.