My Mom suffered two ruptured aneurysms in June 2005, about 10 years ago when I was just 12. She was found on the floor unconscious at work and there was subarachnoid hemorrhaging for quite a while- a lot of damage was done. Fast forward to today and she's really doing great physically- she can walk, talk, eat, drive, she even goes to the gym every day to walk on the treadmill. What breaks my heart is her fragile mentality. I remember my heart sinking when I was 13 and my dad had to pull me aside to tell me not to complain to mom about her forgetting things or not helping me on my math homework because she was feeling depressed. I thought- wow, my Mom is feeling hopeless, sad, not like herself, inadequate, frustrated. That made me so sad, and still to this day I am sad about it. I wish she would go back to her confident self, that I could somehow do something to get her there feeling like a million bucks. I want her to be able to try new things and embrace them. I think about her day to day life and how its just the same routine every day, and then I think about myself, how I'm only 21 and have my whole life ahead of me, new things coming everyday. It pains me to think about how my mom seems to have mentally missed out on the fun of life since her ruptured aneurysms, because she's so down on herself. It's been really hard for my own self-confidence, but she is still my role model because she wouldn't be where she was today without pushing herself. I know she is strong, and I know she will never be who she once was before, but I wish she would take life a step further, stop doing things that she only believes will please others or prove that she is ok and start doing things that make her happy. That is my Mom, and I really want her back :(
I know how you feel. My mom has always had health problems, so many surgeries but never a brain surgery up until a month ago. She was home with a headache and I was taking care of her for two days. I had no idea what had happened and thought she just wasn’t feeling well. I had taken her to the doctor and he pretty much forced her to go to the ER. We found out what was wrong and they sent her up to Denver to get the aneurysm repaired. She came out of it alright with some aphasia and I was so relieved. I was up there with her every other day working with her and watching TV (she loves travel channel). I was confident that she would recover even knowing that she had three more aneurysms that they needed to repair 6 months down the road. But that all changed when she had a second one rupture on March 16th, I got a call from the doctor telling me that her breathing had slowed and that she had aspirated into her lungs. I was at work that evening and everything around me wasn’t real, I couldn’t focus on anyone or anything, I just started crying uncontrollably. We went up to Denver that evening and it was hard to look at her, she is currently on a ventilator and we are playing the waiting game and I can’t handle it. We don’t know how much more damage that this one caused. My mother is so on point and so smart, she has a huge heart. I miss her love, advice and voice right now and I hope she comes out of this alright. I’m only 21 and she’s only 46, she wants to do so many things like travel and work on her watches and clocks. I don’t know what to do right now and it’s hard not having any answers…
Chloe
My heart really goes out to you, Becky, and to you, Chloe. With my wife's ruptured aneurysm now over three years ago, she was a 5 in terms of inability--the worst. She couldn't do anything, and yet she has had an amazing, though not complete, recovery. But we were told that nothing was guaranteed in the way of recuperation. One of my first questions to one of the doctors was whether some level of normal life could be possible for her. He said it could be, but we were cautioned about expectations. We celebrated every function that returned, while we did not know what the limit would be. I wish and pray for the best for each of your moms. I would suggest that you find an outside source of strength. You can experience joy even if your mother's outcome is different than you hope. Be sure you are there to support her. Your love and attention will bring much healing to her.
Becky, have you talked to your mom about it? Maybe she has similiar feelings. Perhaps she wants to please everyone so she doesn’t feel so much of a burden on anyone. Remember as we age we get into a comfort zone. It’s not so important to be a daredevil at 50 like we were at 20. Maybe the two of you can write a list of ten activities you want the other to do and do them together. I “made” my mom go to every coastal mission from San Franciso to Santa Barbara one time. I was in my 40’s, she was in her 70’s. I was driving so she couldn’t easily say no. LOL. When we lived in California, we rarely did the tourist thing. We had a great time. She even started looking for the signs and told me I missed one. Had to turn around at the next exit and go find it.