Hi my name is Diana and my husband had a brain aneurysm 2 years ago. At the time of his aneurysm his bleed was so bad that he was given a 50/50 chance of surviving. I said goodbye to him before he went into the operating room. This man that I loved since I was 16, the love of my life I almost lost him. My question is that I am having a very hard time accepting the fact that he is ok, that he survived, that I don't have to watch him every waking moment. I work full time, I go to law school at night but I am constantly stressed because I need to know where he is at every minute of every day. If I can't reach him I freak out. If he seems to be getting wild mood swings I worry because I think he could be wavering. If he gets headaches I worry - if he sleeps too much or too little I worry. I need advice on how to get back to some semblance of a normal life where I am not so stressed and worried about him all the time. We've been married for 28 years - he is my best friend... I worry. Any advice would be appreciated!
Diana,
There is a saying âworrying is like paying interest before its due.â Thatâs what you are doing every day when you worry about what could happen, what might be happening, which puts enormous stress on your body, a body that is already under siege from a daunting schedule. All the unnecessary stress you are creating for yourself could lead to a cardiac event. Stop and think about protecting yourself.
My friend, a therapist, would also argue that it isnât a good idea to put bad scenarios out into the cosmos. Is this alot of woo? I donât know, but I do know that being over protective is negative and doesnât change outcomes. We are not in control of every outcome, no matter how much thought and care we apply to a situation. This has been a difficult one for me, too-letting go is hard.
Taking small steps away from your husband might be a good idea for both of you. Go several hours without calling him at first, then try a whole day. I have a meditation app on my phone, you might consider this option, or a game app to use when you are overwhelmed with fear. Try not to use your phone as an umbilical cord to tether your husband.
I went through the same thing years ago except that my ex had a massive heart attack that killed half his heart, according to his doctors. I was so anxious that his doctor prescribed a medication for anxiety for me, which helped tremendously. Back then I used Valium, but now they would probably prescribe Lorazapam. I do have a prescription now for Lorazapam and only use it sparingly, but it works well for anxiety and I don't feel any effects from it, only a lot less anxious. I also would recommend therapy or couple therapy (which would be the best) - I know your husband said that you claim that you don't have time for therapy (with your schedule, I can certainly understand), but it really helps.
Do you have a break this summer from school or work? Also, does you husband see a therapist? If so, has he suggested anything himself? Since you are close, maybe working within yourselves may help - schedule an hour every week in that all the two of you do is "work on your relationship". Each of you write a list of the things you would like changed since his illness and work on that for a week,etc. The next week briefly review, then start talking about the next point. This wouldn't work for a lot of couples without a mediator, but it could for others.
Good luck - I think half the battle is recognizing that you are being too protective and that it will harm your relationship eventually. I hope you keep using our discussion group - it really is supportive and non-judgemental.
Take care, Sherri
I suffer from anxiety and have similiar worries - it's really debilitating! Do you talk to a counsellor or someone familiar? Or therapist, not sure what you call them in America, if that's where you're from. I talk to a counsellor and I also have medication. I can't say what will work for you but I really vouch for a counsellor. I didn't think it would do much good but it does really help. Goodluck! x
When I worry it triggers me to pray and give it to the Creator. When I truly do this in my heart Gods peace seems to wash over me. May you seek peace it Gods ever lasting love.
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Another 9 year old topic, youâre sure helping me getting these closed! Iâll do it tomorrow if no one responds. I forgot to remind you on the other one that you can tell how old a topic is by looking at the original in this case Jul â15 which means July 2015.
Thx Iâll look closer next time.