Hello I am a new member here
10 days ago my partner was diagnosed with a large thrombosed basilar tip aneurysm that had been causing him increasing weakness on his left side - hand/arm/leg. 5 days ago he had a stent and coils procedure to divert the flow and try and stabilise the aneurysm. There is hope it will shrink over time and he may regain some or even all his strength.
Everything has happened so quickly and has been terribly scary. He is now back home and doing so well but I am finding this sense of fear and anxiety quite overwhelming at times. I am feeling so responsible for keeping him safe and preventing him from falling or injuring himself but he is quite unsteady due to left side weakness and I don’t know how to keep him safe. I do t know what the future will hold and I am feeling quite alone and afraid so really just wanted to reach out and say a hello.
Good Morning Eli! We are so glad you reached out to us. The members here, both folks with aneurysms and their caretakers are really great at offering support.
It’s quite common for common for caretakers to feel responsibility although as one who has had a rupture and four procedures, it’s a bit controlling. It took my BH a lot longer than I to get over the rupture. Eventually we came to an understanding. I’m a bit oppositional when I have people telling me what to do, I am much better if asked.
Having witnessed all the fears of my BH, I would suggest you learn some relaxation/meditation breathing. After I ruptured, I walked like a drunken sailor. It took several years to stop. With the brain, healing takes a long time, so you have to be patient! The best thing for both of you is to let your partner try as much as they want. I liken it to a young child learning to walk. Yes they will fall, but don’t overreact. My self esteem was the victim, I think more than anything else truth be told. I couldn’t remember how to use my tools and have been working to relearn all of them. I had a bit of an issue with eye hand coordination and agreed to not use power tools when alone, it’s been a work in progress.
If you get overwhelmed, stop and think of your relationship prior to all this. Set goals to come near to where y’all were. Make the goals small and realize that it’s often two steps forward, one back. Use heartfelt, honest encouragement.
I hope some caregivers will answer you. They will have a much better perspective than I.
All the best,
Moltroub
Hi moltroub
Thanks so much for your reply. Your thoughts and experience are both welcome and helpful. I am sure I will be the one worrying more in my relationship and it is good to be reminded to stop and give my partner time to literally find his feet 
. I know it is a long road ahead and what with covid lockdown it has been quite a lonely couple of weeks not being able to see either mine or my partners family while going through this. Just endless phone calls relaying information to everyone. It is odd because now he is home and able to talk to his side of the family and the constant phone calls have stopped, although I am so glad to be here where we are at I am suddenly feeling more alone. I think when physiotherapist and occupational health have got in contact we will at least have a new start point to recovery and some guidance so I’m sure my feelings of responsibility will ebb and flow with each new day and I will begin to trust in the process of recovery soon 
thanks again and many best wishes to you and your BH
Thanks so much Eli! The pandemic sure has thrown a spanner into the gears hasn’t it? Try one of the video conferences type to get with friends and family. Perhaps have a cup of tea or a glass of wine with them. As in everything in life, sometimes we just need to do what we can do.
You and your partner will learn together with PT and OT. There may be times of tears - happy, frustrated and sad. All the feelings you both have is ok. The important thing is to discuss it together. Don’t try to protect him from your feelings. This will allow him to discuss his as well. I can’t begin to tell you how important communication is and will be during these times.
Remember we are always here for the two of you in whatever way we can help.
All the best,
Moltroub
Hi Eli. My husband is coming home next weekend and all of the sudden there are so many more things that have to be done. It is getting overwhelming and I’m sure I’ll have a lot of the same fears that you have now. I think sometimes it’s helpful to just have a good cry and get it out and then move on. If you don’t currently have a therapist, I highly recommend getting one. It’s helpful to talk to a neutral person who won’t judge you if you complain. Your partner would probably benefit from having his own therapist. I agree that meditation is helpful. Please take care of yourself and get enough quality sleep so that you don’t burn out as a caregiver. Know that you’re not alone. Appreciate that he’s home and doing well, and be thankful that he’s still here. You will get through this together, and together you’ll thrive again.