I'm almost embarrassed to ask this but the curiosity is greater than the embarrassment. It seems that after surgery I regressed a bit. Although I knew my son, I kept calling him my nephew's name. My nephew and I grew up together, we're five years apart, so he's always been like a little brother. Finally after a few days I knew his proper name.
Then a few months later when I had to write my name I kept signing my name using my first married name. My signature looked odd so I studied it and finally realized I was using the wrong last name. These were small, odd, little things that I thought were really amusing.
Except I've noticed that my thought process is different. I used to be a huge worry wart up until my 30s (I'm 47). Through my career and other life moments I was able to outgrow that. Not that I never worried, it just wasn't as bad. I've noticed though that I'm back to thinking in similar fashions as before. Sometimes even feel the lack of confidence I felt as a teen. You'd think with what I've gone through that I'd be standing on a mountain top cheering. LOL
I guess what I'm asking with ALL THESE WORDS is has this happened to you? Tell me I'm not the only one. My Mama says it's ok so long as I don't fall in love with my ex husband again. LOL. Humor. We always find the humor.
Hi, this seems like a strange complication. Did your aneurysm rupture? I'm bipolar as well so my family is used to my mood swings, not that they like them though! It is difficult feeling loss of all sorts of things in our lives. Loss is loss, maybe at different degrees but it's still real to all of us. I haven't had surgery yet, I think Nov 7th is the date and I find myself doing what you're doing, feeling all that's changed in our lives without us asking for it. Anyway, that's all I wanted to say.
I recall learning somewhere that memories are laid down on top of each other. Physically that is. If that is correct then the explanation for your experiences would be that the more recent memories were destroyed or severely weakened but the more distant memories were left untouched. I am not an aneurysm survivor but my husband is.
My Annie was unruptured and clipped. I found after surgery I had a LOT of memerories resurface that I thought had previously been dealt with properly or buried at least. The memories I kept reliving over and over in my head were of an absolutely awful time period in my life. I had to seek counseling and have been dealing with depression and anxiety since surgery even though I have NEVER before had depression or anxiety in life. To be honest, I feel like the surgeon muked around with my brain and stole the peace I once knew. It’s been challenging. A year and a half later and I feel like I’ve aged 10 years. Anyway, daily I remind myself God has brought me to this place and when I finally do reach the other side I will be able to help someone else and show true empathy because I “get” where they are.
Am so glad to know that I am not the only one experiencing these kinds of things! My annie ruptured in January and I have been very lucky to be recovering well but over the past few weeks I have been troubled by memories from the past just coming from nowhere and not able to explain why. I have found it quite upsetting at times and couldn't work out why these old memories were suddenly resurfacing from nowhere. I even woke up in the early hours of the morning and was convinced that I was back in a another room from 20 years ago. I live alone and so was quite disturbing and took a while to realise where I was. A lot of my memories have come from not good times too. Guessing that it is our brains resorting and refiling old memories, all very strange..
I would like to thank everyone for their very interesting posts. My name is Alex and my incident happened in 2010. Full rupture, bi-lateral stroke and seizure. I am back functioning, driving, cooking and alike. Does any one feel the presence of a phantom hand? While having something in each hand, I feel like there is a third hand with something else. Sometimes its a second right, others a left. I can bring on the sensation by pumping both fists at the same time. Anyone else experience something similar?
Thank you so much for all the encouragement, shares and helpful words. Whew! Thank goodness it's not just me. I remember when my Dad had a stroke he regressed back 32 years. If I used my name he'd get scared because in his mind I was supposed to be 4 years old and not 36. So I would tell him I was my sister and he'd laugh and say 'oh I didn't recognize you with that funny hair'...I had a perm. And here I thought I looked good. Heehee. He didn't recognize the house because he was expecting the one we had lived in back then. I was fascinated. Intrigued by the workings of the brain. I never thought I'd get a peek first hand! But thanks to your shares I atleast know now that it is common. Maybe it's like an earthquake rattles the inner compartments and old memories shake loose. I guess it gives me a chance to 'clean house' and get rid of what no longer serves a purpose in there. But the painful ones...ugh those are like skeletons falling out of a closet. Thanks again.
Hi Alexander, your post is fascinating but I did send a note that I hope you also add it to a new discussion. I don't want it to be missed sitting here under my rambling post.
Alexander Hodor said:
I would like to thank everyone for their very interesting posts. My name is Alex and my incident happened in 2010. Full rupture, bi-lateral stroke and seizure. I am back functioning, driving, cooking and alike. Does any one feel the presence of a phantom hand? While having something in each hand, I feel like there is a third hand with something else. Sometimes its a second right, others a left. I can bring on the sensation by pumping both fists at the same time. Anyone else experience something similar?
Hi Harleyleana! I want to first share with you that you must never be embarrassed to ask any question here --- this is the beauty this forum offers to us....we can always be transparent and ask or share anything that we may be struggling with or celebrating :)! And too funny cuz my family honored me with the nick name of "worry wart" when I was a child...and never did out grow this until my AVM torpedoed into my Life at 46 years young (and on the cusp of entering that "50 & Fabulous phase) ... and I haven't regressed back and hope I never will. I am truly enjoying this place of "perfect Peace" my AVM Blessed me with! And agree with your Mom in that I hope the regression stops here and no feelings surface for your ex husband..HaHa! We do have to find Humor in Life's trials ... Oh, mann could tell you some stories ... LOL....we probably could be stand up comedians with all the humor we have to dig deep for to see :))! I hope your Tuesday is being good to You so far my friend!!!
Hi there.... Thank you Thank you I too thought a lot of the things I was doing was strange, plus I recognized these things also. I am 3 years now post but that first year I was strange. I was calling my present dog by my 1st dog I owned dogs name. I was like watching this new me in my head. I went to see a therapist which helped a lot by giving me answers the doctors should have been giving me. That it is quite normal recovery phase. I also had a lot of rage and anger and this too would pass. I will always have some type of short term memory loss it takes longer to recall but it does come to me. After 3 years now I can say I am about 88% me again. Yes some things are funny but all in all I have no complaint's.
harlylena…hope I spelled that right. I am two years from my burst aneurysm. Ilost many months of memory both before and after cooling and other procedures. A formal memory assessment was done after the first year and showed I had executive function deficits, imm still trying to learn how this plays out. In answer to your question, yes I have these long ago funnymemories, decades ago will be clearer in memory than present day. Just last night I awkened and had to check if someone was in the house with me, it seems I dream of when I was living with others ages ago, the dreams and sudden awakening is so odd and disconcerting. It’s as though it is hard to get out of those dreams to get me back to present day. A counselor suggested it was memory of times I thought of as enjoyable times. It sure is not that. Just very strangeindeed and thahalf awake memory will stay with me for days. Its hard to describe, but it sounds similar to what you are describing.
When I was in nursing care and long after those dreams would push me to wandr about in a sleepwalking state. Staff always had stories to tell me about my sleepwalking adventures. At least now I don’t seem to go wandering about in my sleep, but some dream memories will haunt me for days.
anyone who's posted to this discussion. You all have different yet simlar experiences and lingering recovery issues. You don't always say if you were clipped with SAH and I'm trying to distinquish that since I think it's probably important. I feel for all of you, sincerely, I do.
I am having surgery in 12 days and am beyond terrified so good stories of course make me calmer, some of the others scare the crap out of me. I know I shouldn't be going there but it's hard not to.
Omg yes! Im pretty sure thats a normal thing. I was 5 years in August from a ruptured aneurysm. Initally I called everyone the wrong name, or just couldnt get it out at all. I now will go to say something and I say the wrong thing! Embarrassing! I chalk it up to life..haha. It could be worse and anyway it doesnt harm anyone right? It is a pain in the butt but one thing I have learned is to laugh at myself..btw..I agree with your mom! Good luck!
I cant imagine waiting to have it done that would of scared me as well! Myy experience was 5 years ago and I had been what I thought was the flu and no doctor said anything was wrong! Anyway long story short I got to a good ER and mine had ruptured. Off I went and the rest is history. I had clipping and coiling and as of last year ( my yearly is this month) I have been told that no one would even know if they looked that I had this happen. I hear that recovery is much faster and a little bit easier when caught before rupture so that is great for you! Are you getting clipped or coiled? Coiling your recovery time is quick and it will take some time to adjust but you will do great! Being scared is part of the process and when its over you will see what a strong and courageous woman you are...your a survivor! I will pray you do well and please let me know when you can how you are doing. Im looking forward to hearing all about it!!
J Knights said:
Hi,
anyone who's posted to this discussion. You all have different yet simlar experiences and lingering recovery issues. You don't always say if you were clipped with SAH and I'm trying to distinquish that since I think it's probably important. I feel for all of you, sincerely, I do.
I am having surgery in 12 days and am beyond terrified so good stories of course make me calmer, some of the others scare the crap out of me. I know I shouldn't be going there but it's hard not to.
Jeannine.... Our thoughts will be with you, I hope I said nothing to make you anxious, I was coiled, stented and a ?? drain (can't think of the word) was put. I don't think they had much hope I would survive from what my close friends tell me, I can still see movement and progress nearly two years later. I think some of the rehab movements just take longer and go slower than others. I would wish anyone to be able to forget the odd and strange things about hospitals, surgery, recovery, etc. I am fortunate that I don't have memories of all those things. My surgeon said it is quite common when there is a burst, the bleeding must be so hard on the healthy brain. Best wishes to you, try to say calming words and thoughts going, remember to breathe, focus on your breathing when you are feeling scared or anxious. It really does help. Best wishes!! Keep us posted! KD
J Knights said:
Hi,
anyone who's posted to this discussion. You all have different yet simlar experiences and lingering recovery issues. You don't always say if you were clipped with SAH and I'm trying to distinquish that since I think it's probably important. I feel for all of you, sincerely, I do.
I am having surgery in 12 days and am beyond terrified so good stories of course make me calmer, some of the others scare the crap out of me. I know I shouldn't be going there but it's hard not to.
Oh yes i can relate to what you are saying so much. Through this all I've certainly strengthened my sense of humor. I think it helps if we are in touch with that and can laugh and just wonder at the fact we've survived. The first year was the strangest indeed! Blessings to you, and all folks here that are facing coiling or clipping.
Best wishes!
KD
Renee Roth said:
Hi there.... Thank you Thank you I too thought a lot of the things I was doing was strange, plus I recognized these things also. I am 3 years now post but that first year I was strange. I was calling my present dog by my 1st dog I owned dogs name. I was like watching this new me in my head. I went to see a therapist which helped a lot by giving me answers the doctors should have been giving me. That it is quite normal recovery phase. I also had a lot of rage and anger and this too would pass. I will always have some type of short term memory loss it takes longer to recall but it does come to me. After 3 years now I can say I am about 88% me again. Yes some things are funny but all in all I have no complaint's.
My husband is the survivor of 2 ruptured aneurysms. You are in such a better place than he was by dealing with this before it bursts! You don't want blood laying on your brain cells for long. It's because he was not found for 17 hours, the second time, that his outcome is much worse than the first time. Not to say you shouldn't be scared, I would be, but just to know that you are in a Completely Different category than those who had a burst aneurysm. Even then, the outcome can be excellent. Maybe it would help to make some plans for things you want to do after the surgery to give you something to look forward to and focus on?
Wishing you the best,
Laurie
J Knights said:
Hi,
anyone who's posted to this discussion. You all have different yet simlar experiences and lingering recovery issues. You don't always say if you were clipped with SAH and I'm trying to distinquish that since I think it's probably important. I feel for all of you, sincerely, I do.
I am having surgery in 12 days and am beyond terrified so good stories of course make me calmer, some of the others scare the crap out of me. I know I shouldn't be going there but it's hard not to.
Hi Stacey Wallace, I can't imagine what you've been through either. I'm happy you were able to get to a good ER and be treated. How incredibly frightening!! I guess I'm lucky in that way to have it on my terms. The fear and sheer panic I feel most of the time is almost unbearable. I try to keep busy but it's always there, that little voice in my head reminding me....My surgery is the 18th and I have some things on a list of things to do and errands to run before my surgery and I am stuck, I need to ask my husband today if he'll help me get started and maybe do some with me to get me through them. I definitely need help!! It's going to be a loooooooooong 11 days!
Stacey Wallace said:
Hi Jeannie,
I cant imagine waiting to have it done that would of scared me as well! Myy experience was 5 years ago and I had been what I thought was the flu and no doctor said anything was wrong! Anyway long story short I got to a good ER and mine had ruptured. Off I went and the rest is history. I had clipping and coiling and as of last year ( my yearly is this month) I have been told that no one would even know if they looked that I had this happen. I hear that recovery is much faster and a little bit easier when caught before rupture so that is great for you! Are you getting clipped or coiled? Coiling your recovery time is quick and it will take some time to adjust but you will do great! Being scared is part of the process and when its over you will see what a strong and courageous woman you are...your a survivor! I will pray you do well and please let me know when you can how you are doing. Im looking forward to hearing all about it!!
J Knights said:
Hi,
anyone who's posted to this discussion. You all have different yet simlar experiences and lingering recovery issues. You don't always say if you were clipped with SAH and I'm trying to distinquish that since I think it's probably important. I feel for all of you, sincerely, I do.
I am having surgery in 12 days and am beyond terrified so good stories of course make me calmer, some of the others scare the crap out of me. I know I shouldn't be going there but it's hard not to.
Hi KD, No you didn't say anything to make me anxious. I'm already enough all on my own. I keep coming here for support and encouragement and hope for those who are struggling and thankful for those who are having a good recovery. I am 11 days out and sooooo beyond crazy!! I have such bad periods of terror, I have 3 different anxiety meds in case one doesn't work, I can move onto ## 2, then 3 if I need. I've used the three only twice. I've used 2 many times!!
I really have to try the whole breathing thing. Everyone recommends it and meditation. I've never been able to do that, I'll try today. Thanks for your kind words
KD said:
Jeannine.... Our thoughts will be with you, I hope I said nothing to make you anxious, I was coiled, stented and a ?? drain (can't think of the word) was put. I don't think they had much hope I would survive from what my close friends tell me, I can still see movement and progress nearly two years later. I think some of the rehab movements just take longer and go slower than others. I would wish anyone to be able to forget the odd and strange things about hospitals, surgery, recovery, etc. I am fortunate that I don't have memories of all those things. My surgeon said it is quite common when there is a burst, the bleeding must be so hard on the healthy brain. Best wishes to you, try to say calming words and thoughts going, remember to breathe, focus on your breathing when you are feeling scared or anxious. It really does help. Best wishes!! Keep us posted! KD
J Knights said:
Hi,
anyone who's posted to this discussion. You all have different yet simlar experiences and lingering recovery issues. You don't always say if you were clipped with SAH and I'm trying to distinquish that since I think it's probably important. I feel for all of you, sincerely, I do.
I am having surgery in 12 days and am beyond terrified so good stories of course make me calmer, some of the others scare the crap out of me. I know I shouldn't be going there but it's hard not to.