My husband suffered his aneurysm almost 3 years ago. We are blessed that he has very few physical side effects, mainly headaches, but he is able to work. For the most part from the outside everything is back to normal. However I do not feel like he is the same person that he was before his aneurysm. I feel like he has cut himself off from everyone in the world, including me. I cannot get him to do anything besides go to work, other than that he does not leave home. Even when we go on vacation all he wants to do is sit in the house and watch TV. I feel like (I know this is mean to say) the only person he cares about is himself. It is causing a huge strain on our relationship because I cannot get him to realize that there are more people in this world and that he needs to think about others as well as himself. We have grown so far apart that I feel like I am living around him instead of with him.
I guess I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this detachment after an aneurysm and if things ever do get better.
Hi DC , I read somewhere that it takes 3 times the strength to do anything after brain surgery. Maybe he is not distant as much as tired. I know how lonely you are my husband has changed too. We were very active sailing, skiing , dancing . Now going for a walk is to much. I’m in the hospital with him now because Monday he crashed the car and has no memory of what happened. Now I have to take driving away from him it sucks , but he is not hurt and he didn’t hurt anyone. Thank God So yes he is very different and the “new normal” can be very hard. Someday I feel overwhelmed other days are better so if you need to vent I really do understand. Hugs
Thanks for the support. Some days it just helps to know that I am not alone and I have to remind myself what we have been through and to take a deep breath and try to accept the new normal. I hope everything is okay with your husband I will keep him in my prayers.
My wife is now 2 years post rupture and she is not the same person from a socialization or wifely/motherly standpoint.
She is easily tired and doesn't have the initiative to do or act in a way that benefits others. So I coach her and prod her to the best I can and if that doesn't work...then I do what I need to do on my own.
I try hard to remember its not her fault this happened and I have no way of knowing what's its like...so I keep trying. But at the end of the day, I have to take care of myself as well.
I can relate. My husband is different both physically and emotionally. He no longer wants to exercise or play tennis with me which he says is out of fear rather than physical limitations. I give him his space and time to be ready since I know it must be hard for him to deal with the changes. As far as emotional, he has had some emotional outbursts that are new since the incidents. He has had many confrontational and in-your-face conversations with his family that he never would have had before the aneurysms. He gets frustrated that no one wants to talk about these things and I remind him that HE is the one who has changed and no one else has. We have both found a great deal of help with rehabilitation psychology- not just regular therapy. You should try to find someone who specializes in rehabilitation because they are the ones who understand adjustment reaction and post traumatic changes.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this but I am glad that I’m not alone. My husband and I have only been married 3 months, but have been together 3 years, known each other for 10. He had a ruptured aneurysm back in August, had a clipping and spent 2 weeks in ICU. He’s been in speech, OT and PT since then and is doing fairly well physically. He isn’t able to drive just yet and isn’t back to work yet either. He actually lost his job because of all of this due to FMLA running out. He walks with a cane now and is pretty unsteady on his feet still but he gets along good with the cane. This all happened a month before our wedding. At the time, I still wanted to go through with the wedding (on a much smaller scale though. We ended up having a small thing in our backyard with our families and close friends) because I thought if I loved him enough it would help him heal. I think it has to a point but he isn’t mentally the same person he used to be. He’s always been very relaxed and easygoing, funny and carefree. Now he’s moody, grumpy, and tired all the time. He’s rude at times and he has a very short fuse when he gets angry now. He’s lazier and doesn’t seem to want to do anything but sleep and watch tv and eat all day long. He’s gained about 50lbs since this happened and while I know part of it is because he can’t exercise as easily because of the difficulty with walking, part of me just wants him to snap out of it and do something with himself. I miss the old him. Some days I wonder if I have the strength to keep going with him. Other days I don’t see how I could ever be without him. I feel like a terrible wife for thinking these things but I don’t know what else to do. I try to do things or go places to cheer him up but he says he doesn’t like leaving the house anymore because people stare at him because of the cane or he feels like our families treat him differently now, like he’s made of glass or something. I don’t know what to do with him and I’m scared that we are only 27 and this is what our lives will be like forever.
My husband is the same way also. He works too, thankful he can, has mainly headaches when the weather changes. But the mood swings and his personality has changed also. I get everything taken out on me too. My husband hates life, hates people, hates my whole family, is more selfish, and says the meanest words ever spoken to me. I am with you on the marriage thing, I feel so far away from my husband too, I have been thinking about ending my marriage because I cant take much more. He finally is going to go to the doctor to get help with depression and the headaches. I am hoping that some HAPPY PILLS will help with calming him down and deal with life better. If they dont help I dont know what will happen because of how I feel now, I know this isnt his fault, but he has to do his part of seeing what will help to make this marriage strong again.
I feel like I wrote what you did! My husbands SAH was April 2010 & I am still amazed at the amount of TV he watches vs. the to do list. Unless I badger it doesn’t get done. He is happy to sit watch tv or nap instead of everything he used to do. I know his filter, motivation and prioritizing has been permanently effected
hi, I know exactly how it feels, my husband had his Annie and coiling procedure done Nov 12th and was in the hospital due to other complications, we finally came home on Dec 2nd. he too has very few physical problems but suffers from headaches, some dizziness and vision issues, he's been a truck driver his whole life, (we are 53 and been married 28 yrs) and now found out he can't be recertified to get the license he needs to drive truck. He is depressed and is not the same person is. I feel like although I came home with my husband physically, I never really brought my husband home. we too have grown far apart, I wonder after all the years we've been together and all we have been thru if I can get thru this. I know it early in recovery but will it every get back to the way is was. we don't do anything together any more and we really enjoyed being together, our youngest graduates from high school this spring and will be off to college, we had started talking about plans for when we could retire, what we would do, and I was excited about the next phase in my life and then the Annie happened and now I don't know if I can stay with him forever. I feel so lonely and sad, it doesn't feel like it's very fair.
My husband had a ruptured aneurysm nearly two years ago, and seems the same as your wife. All my husband does is sleep and watch TV, and when I come home from work all he wants to do is have me sit next to him while he channel surfs like a fiend. He is seeing a neuropsychologist who is working with him on initiation. Thinking he needs structure, I try writing him lists. He either ignores them or gets angry. It is difficult to do everything that needs to get done for a family with no support, and to face being a caregiver to someone who is like a lazy teenager for the rest of your life. But then I realize that he is missing out on his plans too. Frustrating doesn't even begin to describe it. Our daughter is off to college next fall, and I dread not having another fully functional person in the house, along with missing her.
Cole Silver said:
DC
My wife is now 2 years post rupture and she is not the same person from a socialization or wifely/motherly standpoint.
She is easily tired and doesn't have the initiative to do or act in a way that benefits others. So I coach her and prod her to the best I can and if that doesn't work...then I do what I need to do on my own.
I try hard to remember its not her fault this happened and I have no way of knowing what's its like...so I keep trying. But at the end of the day, I have to take care of myself as well.
