I have not posted in several months mainly because I realized how fortunate I really am. My wife is some 20 years post op from a right temporal aneurysm. She compensates well most of the time and to meet her, you would never know anything had happened. Most of you who post here are in the much earlier stages of this lifelong process and dealing with recovery from the surgery, serious mental and physical impairments and the uncertainty of when and if recovery will happen and to what extent.
I'm posting now because I have just been given a name for one of her problems/difficulties and because it has caused a great deal of conflict in the family lately. This is the lack of social filters. This is the part of our brains in the prefrontal area that filter our words and emotions so that they are socially acceptable. The problem is that I never know when she is going to say something totally inappropriate, sometimes hurtful, sometimes embarassing. She is not aware of what she is doing and has little control over it. It's not that she means to be hurtful but is like a 3 year old who just says whatever they are thinking at the time.
Have any of you who care for an aneurysm 'survivor' or who are a 'survivor' encountered this? How do you deal with/cope with it? I don't expect to fix things but would appreciate the wisdom and experience of the group.
thanks,
Mike
PS I have found a teaching job and start tomorrow. Middle school math. First pay check, end of the month, I hope.
Thanks, Jo. I will look into congnitive pychologists. You have given me a term to use when I'm shopping for someone. It sounds like your mom's problem is a bit worse than my wife's. On the other hand, there really isn't anyone left who remembers and loves my wife as she was. I didn't meet her until 3 years post-op. Her sons were young children at the time and I don't think they have any clear memories of before. And I can't just keep her at home alone all the time. Sorry, to whine. I appreciate your reply, really! You have given me a starting place. thanks. Mike
Thanks, Sue. I'm sorry to hear you are having the same problem but glad that I'm not alone in this, if you know what I mean. My wife and I have talked about this problem over the years and apparently it takes huge amounts of mental/emotional energy for her to edit herself. I don't mean that this is a constant thing like turette's syndrone but when we are out with friends or when we are having dinner with her son or when she is chatting with her daughter in law... I think people would be more understanding if she were in a wheelchair or carried a white cane. I mean, they wouldn't expect her to just walk or start seeing. But they seem to expect her to be able to control this or quit using the aneurysm as an excuse. It's not an excuse. It's a reason. I think I'm going to have a talk with her son tomorrow. See if we can't go forward from here. Anyway, that's very much for your comment.
My wife is 18 years post op but dosen't have this particular episode, however, it does take a little while for her to search for the right comment to make. As she tells me, it sounds right in her head but some times it dosen't come ou just right. For example she'll ask what we should have for "dinter" tonight. It happens with other words as well and she compensates by taking her time to give an answer. I assume it is something like you wife is experiencing just not to the degree. By the way she had a right ACOM artery rupture and clipping and if you were to meet her you'd never guess she had such a serious surgery.
What I'm talking about is something very much like a 3 year old might do. Saying very honestly what he is thinking without realizing that it might hurt someone's feelings or embarass someone. My wife doesn't usually mispronounce common words though sometimes she seems to have noun aphasia. She will stop in mid sentence because she can not think of the word for the thing she is talking about. This also shows up when she will start talking about something using only pronouns leaving us wondering just what she is talking about. These are what I would call cognitive imparements. We can deal with them. But her unedited comments have caused some real hurt feelings in the family. Anyways, it seems that aneurysms produce all sorts of odd collections of problems. Some related and some not. Thank you very much for responding and sharing your story. Mike