Personality changes with my spouse

things haven changed much I think I need to give it more time like everyone has said it's not so easy as i'm used to being with my husband like we did b4, we have my nephew's wedding this weekend and was hoping this would help him remember how we enjoyed being together,dancing and socializing but he already has told me he wish we didn't have to go, so i'm sure he's not gonna be the best at this. I miss so much what we once had. celebrating a family wedding was always the best time we ever had. thanks for everyone's support tam

Ah I am so sorry you are disappointed...but I will say...the first year of husband and I couldn't go anywhere with crowds, noise, loud music, etc., it was hard on my head...and I can't explain it, but I would hurt in my head and then all over...we did a lot of quiet things at home...watched a lot of rented movies and played games...You need to know this changed for me and may change for your husband...but it takes time...sorry ... I bet you are tired of hearing this Tam...~ keep us posted...sent a prayer your way ~ Colleen

Tami, it is my daughter who will be going through this surgery soon and I, like you, will be the one standing by, supporting and worrying - all of that is a job in itself. I am totally scared that my daughter will be different after her surgery and find that thought overwhelming. So, I keep telling myself I will have to remember that just because she might look well, she my not feel well and when we don't feel well, being around others is not where we want to be. I have had a lot of surgery in the past three years and know that it takes a long time to recover and it can't be rushed.

You need to take care of you! Why can't you go to the wedding without your husband? Continue to do the things you like, let him rest and recover and, hopefully, as he feels better and more like himself he will want to do the things you always loved again. Living an active life doesn't mean you don't love and support him, it might actually encourage him to want to return to your regular lives.

I speak as someone who has not had brain surgery - I can't imagine that, so, please, I hope I haven't overstepped my bounds. In no way am I suggesting you not be there and support him, only you know what needs to be done.

Wishing a return to wellness for hiim quickly. Please keep my family in your thoughts as we head down this road - I am so scared as I'm sure you understand.


I agree with REG, busy crowded social situations can be overwhelming. I think it is something to do with a damaged brain having to cope with an excessive quantity of information coming in when it can't actually do it. I still (2+ years out) work hard to avoid these situations or dramatically shorten the time. Perhaps you could go to the wedding, but only stay a short time. Or, find somewhere quiet he can escape to to rest at intervals during the day. The don't expect him to drive or talk on the way home! I try to encourage my husband to step in and take over conversations so I don't get tired. He's not very good at it! Probably because he is by nature a quiet man (which is wonderful now for me as he doesn't want to talk all the time at home and it gives my brain time to rest) make sure if you do go you have a very quiet day at home the next day as he will be very tired and need time to recover. It is worth telling your friends and relatives that although he looks and sounds normal his brain is still healing and they should not tire him. Have you and he read this?

I passed it on to relatives and friends who I have to interact with and it helped them be understanding towards me and see when I was getting tired or frustrated and help me take a break. He is early in his recovery, things will improve, but he needs you to try to understand what he is going through. He may not understand it all himself so it may be worth showing him the web page. J

Its been two years for me as well and I too still find lots a noise a problem sometimes. My wife found much comfort spending time with the Lord and reading the bible.

thanks the article really makes sense, I think I will have my adult son read it, he's having a hard time understanding why dad can't do everything like he used to. thoughts have entwined...

Was your husband referred to a neurologist?

What rehab/therapy was he granted while in he hospital?

Was he referred to any as an outpatient after discharge?

What did the docs qualify on his discharge papers?

What neuropsych testing was done?...To define beneficial therapies?

Which cranial nerve testing was done?

Was he given auditory and vision testing?

Prayers (some or one of) those docs will direct you appropriately...


wow excellent Judith! everyones replies are right on the money, I just wanted to echo them all- it takes tons of time and patience, I would like to add not to push him to do socializing- Itried and tried and failed miserably, everytime it was a disaster- the mall , the music fest, the violin concert , visiting work. I cant handle it , i'm 4 yrs post sah and currently dreading the funeral and the food/party thing afterwards. I think we must work at it to retrain the brain to multi task and delete the blah blah blahs etc etc, hang in there my heart goes out to you and I will keep you in thoughts and prayers~