Thanks, Pat, really appreciate your good wishes. Got the date wrong´, eye appointment is tomorrow. New brain, you know how it is .....
Hi Cynthia, just re-read your post from October 19 and wondered if you are feeling better a couple of months on. I am just coming up to my first 'annie-versary', it happened last New Year's Eve! Have experienced many of the feelings you describe - frustrated, abandoned (most of my 'friends' seem to have dropped off the planet now that I don't see them at work every day), mad and VERY sad. My 2 cats are a comfort, like your dogs! I am lucky enough to live with a very supportive husband but sometimes he has had enough when I keep crying and he doesn't know what to do. But I WOULD say things are slowly easing, the crying jags don't last so long,I can walk well now, my right hand still does not work properly and my eyes and ears are better but not quite right yet. I had all sorts of weird optical illusions before my eyes were operated on, but now that I can see better (the blood which the rupture forced into them has been cleaned out) these have stopped, phew. Everybody keeps telling me not to be so impatient, but I just want to feel like my old self again and get back to normality, working, driving etc. BUT if I look back to how I was when I got out of hospital, I know I am progressing and it DOES get better. Drop me a line and let me know how you are doing, if you feel like it. Onward and upward!
Sally xx
Cynthia, just wanted to say I am praying for you and things will get better. It has been 6 months for me and I still fight the angry, saddness, anexity and the inability to sleep. But remember we all love you here at BAF. I also found that I can't stand lights in stores, music loud and crowds, found that lovely over christmas. But most of the time I am fine. Try maybe when you talk to your pcp to ask about a neuro psycologist, because that is what I have to do. I had a ruptured annie in June. It is a slow process and talk about forgetful. I am it. The faith and prayers also help a whole lot. May God bless you and watch over you, Amy
Well, my daughter sensibly said, you've had the equivalent of being kicked hard in the head by a horse, not surprising if you feel pretty weird for a time!
Thanks for the support Amy.
i am sending you a message.
apparently, we have to be friends for me to send you a message. i will send a message w/my phone number once you accept my friend request. i have unlimited long distance so i can call you if it's better for you.
I had coiling done on a ruptured annie may 2011 I too was covered in bruises from the tops of my feet , calfs ,hands and arms . I then had another attempted coilingin sept. 2011 but a stent was placed instead .They started me on plavix a week before that procedure but they gave me an injection of heprin before each procedure and the bruising is from monitoring needles that they place all over . My doc told me that they put 15 needles in my head alone .The 2nd time they did that they forgot to plug up a needle hole with the liquid bandage and I bled out so much my long blonde hair looked like it was dipped in red paint it was awful !! .I had the most awfulpain in my right calf after the 2nd procedure .I had a horrific bruise and I had to use crutches to get around it was very painful . I had to goto my sons school for a liitle celebration they were having it was apretty warm day but i wore a long sleeve shirt to hide the bruising but at some point I got hot and wasn't thinking about and pushed up my sleeves until I noticed eyes on me people were staring at my bruises I was so embarrassed .I thought oh great they prob. thing my husband beats me up. I wish I could have just made it known that it was from surgery . I have been on the plavix and 325 aspirin now for 4 months . I haven't experienced the other issues you are dealing with . other than being upset all the time ,I really don't have much advice there I'm stil trying to hold myself together I have good days and bad. I wish the best for you and hope you get some answers from your doc . :)
You are a brave lady, Amanda, I did not have the bruising you desribe after my rupture and coiling in January this year, but I had eye trouble due to blood forced into the backs of my eyes by the arterial rupture, I had horrible optical illusions and lots of confusion, both eyes operated on now and slowly clearing but may need spectacles, right hand cramped up in the 7 week coma and after physio still cannot straighten fingers - but I am left handed luckily! Walking well now after much physio. Emotional fall-out is the worst part for me, still get weepy most days but it is slowly receding, I think - sometimes when out with my (very supportuve) husband I feel almost normal for a while. Still get tired, cannot drive or go back to work yet - but at least I can see to read and type and play Farmville! Coming up to my first 'annie-versary', 2 more appointments in Jan and Feb, and then hopefully will be able to fly back to UK (we live in Spain) to see my 3 kids for the first time in many months - living for that day! We just have to keep on keeping on - onward and upward, Amanda. Thank God for sites like this where we can talk to others who understand and empathise. Everyone says the bad days get further apart and the good days more frequent. I had a bad day yesterday but 2 very good days before that, not too bad today, and each time I 'come back' from a bad patch there is some little improvement, I compare it to my brain trying to gradually sort out a jigsaw puzzl that has fallen all over the floor - each day another little bit is slotted back into place and makes sense. Don't worry yourself about what other people think, I used to worry that people would think I was drunk when I was unsteady on my pins, but who cares what they think? Your loved ones know the real situation and that's what counts. Smile a lot, girl! Just using those smile muscles makes you feel more smiley inside.
Cyber-hugs,
Sally
my aneurysm wasn't ruptured but i'm dealing w/anger issues too. a friend told me she saw a lot of that when she worked the head trauma unit. anger seems par for the course when dealing w/brain injuries even if it wasn't caused by a blow to the head, for example. she said some people are never the same following injury/insult to the brain. i have 3 small kids and desperately want my life back, if for nothing else but for them. i don't direct my anger toward them but i know it has to affect them. my main issue is the constant nausea. i feel pukey every day and it's seriously affecting my life. i can (somewhat) deal w/the weakness but the nausea makes every day a struggle.
btw - i didn't notice the date on your initial post. i thought you had just come home from the hospital, not that you were several months out. your surgery was a little under a month before mine.
Kathy, I don't think I've really got anger issues now, but my husband says I was pretty stroppy in the run up to the rupture - the aneurysm was pressing on the emotional centre so I guess that explains it. Sadly we apparently had a row on New Year's Eve, right before it happened, because he had been out shopping and had a few drinks with friends on the way home. Normally I would not begrudge him that, heaven knows he works hard enough, but apparently I yelled at him and stormed out of the apartment, and the next thing he knew, people were knocking on the door to tell him his wife had collapsed outside the front of the building. I don't remember any of that. These days I have not got the energy for arguments, and anyway I am so desperately grateful for the way he cares for me, he has had a hell of a year himself. My worst issue now is sadness and depression, but I think it is starting to lift a little, I have good days now as well as bad ones. Today is so-so but hopefully tomorrow will be better. Just keep on trucking!
Sally
Hi Kathy
Yes, October 11 its all insanity. I think that, there needs to be more information placed on the after effects of brain surgery, and real online, support not monitored. I don't do well w/monitoring. I facilitate a group for caregivers of ppl affected w/brain tumors. That group is very different than this. We have professionals, providing input, and also, resources, strong suggestions, where to get help and names of professionals. I knew nothing of what would happen to me, and I am struggling. I had those optic illusions, bizarre for a few days when I came home, and now I have constant headaches. SO the neurologist I was seeing told me it was stress. I fired him. That is just an example of what has happened. I work at a veterinary clinic and one of our clients is a doctor in Boston whow has trained many doctors, is called for emergency responses all over the world, and she agreed w/me, that I need a neurologist for follow up that has a clue as to what post coiling embolization headaches are and what to treat them with. That is the frustration I meet w/and ppl say, well you look great. I do, and am grateful, that I am intact, but don't like it when ppl say that as a win/lose situation, b/d, the headaches are real, my head feels foggy, and heavy, pressure on my eyes, and I look great, grrrrrrrr SO I am interviewing some ppl in Jan,to deal w/this. I think there needs to be social workers, or teams of ppl to talk to families, prior to their loved ones going thru this brain surgery. I know that my son being a survivor of a malignant brain tumor, the resources are phenomenal. I am like the woman that I met at the BAF seminar, which was not a support seminar, more informational, but she was soooooo upset, and wanted to wear a sign that says, I AM NOT THE SAME....no matter what I look like. PPL often assume you are good if you look good, and on some level that alleviates them of having to deal, w/it. Grrr Ranting.......
Cynthia,
I am glad you are back here...and pray for your continued healing...
Cynthia, my optical illusions faded away after both my eyes were operated on to remove leaked blood. However, I have the same feelings as you when people keep telling me I look great, I know they mean it as kind encouragement but it makes me feel kind of bitter when I am depressed and not feeling great and definitely not feeling like my old self again. But hey-ho, my first 'annie-versary' is coming up tomorrow and I am still here, onward and upward! So here's to a very happy, HEALTHY and prosperous New Year for us all - it's GOTTA be better than the last one!!! Sally xx