Am I REALLY Well Now?

Every one tells me I am doing so good and that I am about well again. Then why don't I feel well???? Will I ever be back to my old self? Why did I live when so many others did not? Sometimes, my mind is reeling with so many questions.......

Hi Cindy,

Please know you are not alone in this - the questions you post are the same I ask myself most every day...I am almost 2 years post rupture and I have come to terms with the fact that I may never be my old self so am attempting to embrace the new me. I now understand how fragile life can be and try to enjoy every minute. I volunteer a few days a week and "pay it forward" whenever I can. I am also not afraid to speak up when someone forgets what I have been through and doesn't understand why I don't want to do something that the old me would of loved to do- just because I look fine doesn't mean I am fine on the inside. I know it has helped me in knowing that I am not alone in this journey - great people on here that understand...good luck to you and please know that time does help...Mary

Cindy...your feelings are so common...I feel them often...and by you posting and me reading Mary's reply..."Wow...helped me out a lot..."...Not to mention, like Mary I too found "paying it forward" helps me so much ... I volunteer here at BAF ...and help other's...I help other's in my community and church...a couple times a week...but always torn on those "bad days (not well) and I am unable to do for other's...finally "letting go" and accepting who I am ... and to embrace the bad days as taking care of Me...

I surround myself with those family and friends that understand things...the rest have not a spot in my life anymore...wishing you better days ahead ~ Colleen

Hi Cindy!

There is no time in life to think about the "why did I make it" -- you did, that's it, it's over, you're here, and the answer to that question will never be known. Look forward down the road, do what you can and don't dwell on the past ! I don't imagine there is one single person on the website who hasn't thought the same thing of course--and are any of us really 'well' or the same? after walking down that Miracle Mile, I don't think any of us are 'the same'! Peace to you Cindy, sending good healing thoughts and awesome vibes your direction,


All of you are a blessing to me! Thank you so much.

Hi Cindy! you survived for a reason- everything happens for a reason.Long term survivors do report improvements after the 1 year mark but its much slower, hang in there I think you will be your old self again once you learn how to finagle and modify, truth is we keep changing- we are not the same as we were 20 yrs ago for example, so go with the flow and roll with the changes!

hi cindy! I believe you will get your old self back once you adjust to new normal, improvements happen after year 1 but its slow, and really try to go with the flow and roll with the changes!~~