Brain Aneurysm Support Community

Missing my Dad

I recently lost my father suddenly on January 2, 2018 to a ruptured brain aneurysm. About 3 years prior my dad was diagnosed with a large brain aneurysm. He discovered he had it during a visit to the emergency room for dizziness and nausea. The doctors said that his symptoms were unrelated. We were all so upset because my dad was the very best and had been in perfect health his whole life. We attended his appointments with the neurologist and they decided to try coiling the Aneurysm. He scheduled the appointment and when the day came we all waited anxiously for the procedure to be finished. The doctor came back out and said he wasn’t unable to get the coils to stay in place because of the shape of the aneurysm (open neck). We were devastated, my mom sisters and brother. It was emotional and very disappointing because we had hoped it would fix this problem. His doctor had mentioned that it was a giant aneurysm and would be devastating if it should rupture. We explored more options but my dad did not want to do the clipping procedure. He was against it. He went to his annual visits and the aneurysm size remained unchanged. The doctors had said that he may have had it his whole life and that it may never harm him either. After a few of these visits we began to just hope it would never harm him (in the back of our minds knowing that if it did, it may be fatal). He was in perfect health otherwise, he looked much younger than he was, very fit, active and just the all around best Dad anyone could ever dream of. This past January we went out to California for a trip and everything was going very well. My dad was happy and active and enjoying the warm weather and sunshine. I felt like everything was so perfect, to have my parents there spending time with me and my children. We celebrated New Year’s Eve and cooked a beautiful dinner. My dad was happy and enjoying himself. We watched the apple drop on TV and wished each other a happy new year. The next morning my dad woke up and we greeted each other and hugged. He went to mass that Monday morning and came back. We were having a very ordinary conversation in my garage about installing rubber mats for gym flooring. I noticed that my toddlers were arguing so I turned my back for about 10 seconds to distract them with another toy and when I turned back I saw my father on the driveway collapsed on his back. I was so shocked and panicked, screaming and shaking and called 911 at 9:21 am. The paramedics came and rushed him to a trauma hospital in Mission Viejo. The doctor attempted to coil the aneurysm again which did not work and said that at this point it would not reverse the damage by the rupture. Later that night my father suffered 2 more ruptures putting a lot of pressure on his brain. My family flew out in time to get to see my dad. He could not respond to us. I pray that he could hear us. He was such a wonderful dad and I am so sad that I didn’t get to tell him goodbye. It feels like a punishment to lose someone you love so suddenly. He passed away the next afternoon in the hospital. Even though we knew Dad had this aneurysm we hoped that it would never harm him. We hoped that when the doctors told us it was “unchanged” that it would just always be there but never hurt him. I am so devastated and I spend every night crying and longing to talk to him again. It’s truly so tragic and I am lost without my dad. I am trying to raise money for the BA foundation in my Dad’s honor. I have already raised over $10,000. But nothing will bring my dad back and nothing will make me feel better about it. I will never know why it was his time out in California on vacation enjoying his life. Makes me so sad, healthy otherwise, he would have been here for so many more years I am sure of it. I hope the Pain eventually lessens but I doubt it ever will. When you lose such an amazing person, I imagine I will always feel the loss. I am so sad.

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Julia,

I am so sorry for your loss :frowning: Your Dad sounds like an amazing man! Please know I am thinking of you and praying for you and your family. Everyone on this site is very helpful and it is an amazing place for outreach. Don’t ever hesitate to post or ask for help when you’re feeling down after this post. We have all been affected by a brain aneurysm in some way, shape, or form. I wish you all the very best! :sunny:

Thank you for your reply. It helps to know I am not alone with my loss. Have you ever gone to any grief group or support groups? I have tried a group called griefshare. I’m just so sad. Thank you for sending your thoughts. It means so much.

I haven’t but I am looking into going to see a counselor. How was griefshare when you tried it?

I went to grief share for the first time 3 weeks after my father passed. I have been back twice since and I am starting to think that it is helpful. Like this forum, it is helpful to know that we are not alone in our sadness. We can share our stories with other people who have lost a loved one.

Hi, I’m Maes. Your Dad now is you’re guardian Your Angel just look at the event in a positive manner.If i did not survive my ruptured Aneurysm I’ll be there still to guide my kids because The Love we have will never die. When i was in a critical stage My soul was roving around my bed just looking at my love ones crying over me And yes we can hear you.until the time we are buried or cremited. Sometimes we really have to tell how important our parents to us, A simple Word like i love you, it may sound cliche but no word is stronger or can show us the true meaning until it’s being practise. My Dad is my great critic,He alway’s say what’s on his mind.Even if i’ll hurt my feelings he just make me a better person as to what I’m today, he is the one responsible of my fast recovery too. He actually picked all his friend Team of doctor to make my surgery as sure as i could get he’s a military nurse at the V-luna Medical Hospital though. And 3 years ago he left us due to heart attack. It shocked my whole clan,we never see some symtoms that he has it. But i think God needs a military nurse on his team that’s why he died that moment. And because of these it makes me more concerned of the wellbeing of my mother now, I always checked at her never forget the words of endearment just to let her know how lucky we are to have her on our side. Just think of the people that is still existing that is there with you, it does’nt mean that we don’t care of our departed love ones. but for us who’s left behind we have to move on so that their soul could rest in peace. I survived my Annie that’s why I’m still giving some food for thought, we all know that our life is just borrowed sooner or later we are going to die and the truth about life is LOVE.

LOVE LOTS,
Maes

Hi Julia, So sorry for your loss. I’ve lost both parents and two sisters. A little, well, a lot older than you. As you get older it happens. But it doesn’t get easier. Grief is a healing angel. When she comes for you, like it or not, she will take you for a ride. There are so many people out there who have been on that ride if you haven’t already found out for yourself. So. If you fall apart at, for example, the grocery store, all you have to do is tell the cashier you just lost your Dad. He or she will probably understand and tell you about their own experience. It’s okay to be an emotional wreck. You’re going to feel raw for about a year. But, you will heal. And your Dad will live on in your heart. The day will come when you will think of him and smile, maybe even giggle. Because he still is a ray of sunshine in your life and always will be.

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Thank you For your reply Lee. It has been almost 3 months since we lost my dad and I really feel like the pain is getting so much more intense. It was so shocking at first but as time goes on it really starts to hurt. I miss him so very much and can’t understand how he could be here one moment and Gone the next. I’m just so sad.

Really so sorry for your heart felt loss.And I do understand a little.My Mom died of Lung Cancer but she never smoked a day in her life.I sent so much time riding are horses in back country.We spoke every nite on phone.I can tell how much you loved your Dad.And words can’t make what happened change.But it’s been 6 years since my Mom passed and can tell you one thing that time will change you will start to have your memories of your Dad in a good way.Like things you did together talk about them When you have time to grieve.Thank you for sharing your Dad’s life with me.Iam recovering from 2 brain aneurysms,craintomy,
surgery.And have one more brain surgery to go through in December.
I know that the money you have raised will help so many people.God Bless your family going forward with grace each day.Thank you truly.:revolving_hearts:

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