Hi all, I don't want to be a victim but instead of feeling the joys of life and surviving I am feeling low and so cynical about life/death etc. I want to pull out of this and appreciate the fact that I am alive but I can't. Have you please got any advice or insights that could help me?
it takes time. I still feel that way at times. I am sorry you are still feeling this way! hang in there. not much advice, but just know you aren't alone in your feelings.
hi Sara-i agree with Amy and feel the same way but try to think how much worse we could have been-like being bedridden in a nursing home like the surgeon told my family was my best scenario. i am not happy being perm. disabled but i rely on hope & faith,may God grant you peace & happiness,Bless you & yours, thank you for sharing it helps to know we are not alone in our struggles-have a great weekend, praying now for greater joy for us all.
Thank you . Its good to talk in particular to people who really understand. Again thank you.
Thank you Ron. I am amazed at the amount of people on this site who refer to God and blessings etc. I have always had faith but since the Aneurism I question my beliefs. I think I probably should have seen beautiful lights and angels but my near death experience is void. If I could just get back that sense of God perhaps I would once again see the wonder of life. Is it possible that there is damage done to my brain that has left me with such low mood and lacking in enthusiasm? I don't think I feel depressed but something is going on. Thank you for your kindness in replying and I hope that you are feeling good.
Sara--your post resonated with me...I, too, have always been a person of faith. I am still struggling with the aneurysm rupture and and it's impact on my life--I don't like to get into all the particulars on this site (much more involved than my profile...)- this includes my beliefs--don't get me wrong, I still have a deep faith in God, but I do have to wonder what the reasoning is for my survival....I did not experience beautiful lights, angels, pre-deceased family, etc....I have to admit-somewhat of a let down! If I was technically dead, I wish I had seen, at the very least, a beckoning light! ...and I don't mean to sound "flip"--Dana
p.s. I also agree with Ron in that I am not "happy" but I could/should have been much worse off than I am....that also poses a mystery......
Thank you Dana for your reply. Maybe we shouldn't be looking for a "reason" for our survival. Maybe we should just do it- i.e. survive-live etc. Afterall were we not alive and surviving before the aneurism? I don't have any answers but I believe very strongly that I will find the answers I need through talking to people like yourself. I thank you for your support and offer my support to you even if its a case of having a good ol' scream.
hmm u all got me thinkin-i'm not happy but not sad what am i? Neutral? Maybe we did see the angels but damage or comas erased it- i have little recollection of 1st hospital -but bizaar dreams there are still in memory banks???? i still think Amys thoughts are right on the money-we need more time-keep the faith- we will be happy once again because hope is expectation of success!
Hi Ron, Wow- you are a wise one. Thank you. I will take what you said on board.
If it makes you feel better, Sara, I am having a horrible day today with my self pity :/ I haven't even hit my one year mark and get so angry and bitter at times. I am not a spiritual deep person - and have been debating going back to church, but I don't know.
HI Sara...it takes time to feel better...you have to work at it everyday...until you are back to living life each day...
~ Gotcha in my Thoughts ... ~ Colleen
Hi Sara,
It really takes time for you to get to your rythm. I think you are probably still in shock and you have not bring yourself to understand what had happen to you. And it could be that you are asking yourself "Why me" and since you haven't got an answer, you may be waiting for an answer so you can take the next step. Truthfully, as time goes on, there will be days when you are feeling absolutely wonderful and there will be days that you won't even want to get out of bed. I hope there are family and friends around you that you can talk to and do some activities with. One of the things that keeps me going is, I read and hear about what aneurysm has done to many people. Many did not make it (my brother passed from it), some of those who survive are bed ridden, etc but some how, other than short term memory here and there, you will never know I've suffered raptured aneurysm. I can still do almost everything I used to do before Aneurysm. I am not sure when you suffered from aneurysm but I do think feeling low is part of the process of getting better but if you feel like it's really, really holding you back, maybe you will wanna have a chat with a professional. You are alive, Sara, and slowly but surely, you will get to where you want to be.
Sara and Dana,
I did have a different experience than you did but without going into details, I will say that at times, we go through things that are not necessary meant for us. It could be somebody you have no idea about looking at you and going, "wow! after everything this lady has been through, she's still going on" You could be the reason for someone not to give up. Maybe that's part of the reason you are here. Like you all, as to why I made it and my brother didn't, only God knows but this is how I see it, so far as I am alive, my purpose is not done yet.
Hi Sara, I know it must be hard, we''re always reminded of how suddenly we can die and how fleeting life can be, so it''s no party. I look back and there are so many plans I had and it seems like they'll never come to pass. All we can do is try to be the best person every day to those around us- sometimes that is hard, and literally live every day emotionally as if it;s your last...
Thinking of you ....
Shauna
Various Drs. have asked me if I'm depressed as in that is a normal thing to experience after a ruptured aneurysm and we'll give you anti-depressants. I didn't want them to do that and automatically said no. Then I got to thinking about how I didn't want to do things that have always given me pleasure and satisfaction and that is symptom of depression. It is much less now. I think both sleep and exercise help. I also get body work and acupuncture and I think those have helped. My acupuncturist gave me some drops called Maca Lift adrenal support. I showed them to my endocrinologist and she didn't object so I guess they are OK. I think starting those drops turned the corner for me. Not that they would for you or any one else necessarily. I guess they were aimed at what she noticed in my pulses. Not that I don't have down days or times that I don't feel like getting up and getting things done, but the balance has certainly improved. I'm a year out. Reading and sharing experiences here is sucking up a bunch of my time, but I feel supported by it too. One of these days I'll have to go back to getting more done though.
I wonder "why me" to some extent, mostly when I'm thinking/worrying that I'll grow another one. But mostly I wonder "why me", why did I survive? I haven't learned or been told anything about what would lead to my survival and relatively good health.
Oh, and one more thing. My daughter insisted on me doing another (one of 3 so far) notebook that has a tab (post-it maker) for a gratitude section. I'm supposed to write something in it every day. I don't do every day, but I am developing a nice list. It is uplifting to read them.
Thank you Lleni. What you say has really helped. The note book is a really good idea.
I understand how you feel. I am constantely on the emotional rollercoaster. Up and Down, very seldom do I find myself in between. Extremely high or extremely low. I've just started therapy so to speak with a pys to determine if I have PTSD or if it's something else. That's why I came to this site. I needed to know that I am not alone, crazy or on the verge of loosing my mind. Talk to your dr's. Let them know how you feel and what's going on. It took a year for me to get to the point of realizing that high/low switches was not normal for me. I not only get depressed thinking about myself, but the world in general. I can't watch sad movies on tv because it bums me out too bad. I even cry when I see dead animals in the street. See someone needing help and I can't help. Hear a child crying or fire truck and or ambulance siren sinks my heart. I have found BAF to very encouraging, compassionate and helpful for me and am glad I joined. I've never felt more at home. I hope you feel better, seek help if needed, talk because we're listening and smile because you are special. GOD bless, my prayers and thoughts are with you. Know that you are not alone!
HUGS
MAry : )
sage advice...
Thanks to everyone for replies. All helps. So good to talk things through.
Hi Sara, I had my PED stent placed almost 3 months ago, and went through all the lows, and questioning is this as good a I gets. I was getting so stressed at the thought driving and going back to work, suffering depression. I have gradually got better I still have the odd day that I feel down, I have started driving and have got a lot of my confidence back. After much thought I decided to not go back to work as I am near retirement age. I felt very guilty for a few weeks, but now I feel relieved. I try to walk everyday which makes me feel good, I talk to my family about how I feel. I have started doing som knitting & sewing and have made a patchwork quilt for my grandson.
I think gradually we get better we all suffer a degree of post operative stress, take your time be positive try not to stress it takes time for our bodies to heal and I think our minds need a little bit longer.
Hugs and lots of positive thoughts
Lynn