I cannot believe it took me three months to find this site. I have been looking for information on recovery, etc. since I had my surgery. My surgeon said I was lucky we found it. If not, I would have been dead in a year. My neuro-ophthalmologist said with all the clips behind my eye, I'm lucky I have any vision at all. My neurologist said I am lucky my aneurysm did not burst. My question is if all of this was luck, how can you control the future? I am still afraid to go to sleep at night because I'm afraid I will not wake up. This feels so out of my control, which I do not like at all (a total control freak). I am just wondering if anyone has any wisdom to share on when the fear goes away or at least gets better?

Hi Carol, Luck? I don't think so. I believe in a higher power and maybe there is something left for you to do on this planet. I had a ruptured annie two years ago and in ICU for 10 days. Took a while to get back to "normal" but am doing well. How do you control the future you ask? The only thing I do is what my doctor told me to do. Live a healthy lifestyle. That's what I am doing. Exercise every day play lots of golf, take long bike rides, play hockey in the winter, visit with my grandkids as much as possible. I DON'T worry about not waking up and you should not either. I take it one day at a time. That's my take on things and hope it helps. :-)

Tom The picture is my wife and I at the top of the Eiffel Tower. :-)

hi Carol!- i would think positive and pray- fear is the enemy but it is a natural response after the traumatic trajedy we have suffered. The fear will slowly diminish especially if you think positive- dont think that you wont wake up but do think i will go to sleep ,i will heal, i will get rejuvinated, i will live to fight another day etc. Our thoughts & prayers are with you& yours

Tom, Jo and Ron these help so much. You are correct Jo, survivors guilt does play a role. My sister had an aneurysm burst when she was 49 and she is partially paralyzed. I always would tell her how lucky she was that she survived. Then when mine was discovered I wondered why was mine discovered and her's wasn't. That was when I realized that He does have something he needs me to finish and I have to be healthy to do that. I'm sure the fear will go away at some point, perhaps when I get back to work and am going crazy again :) until then I just listen to the clicking in my head (I can actually hear the clips sometimes and thankfully my surgeon told me I wasn't imagining it :)) and fight each day to cherish each minute.

Hi carol, I think we all have these feelings of anxiety and survivor guilt. I lost a brother many years ago and did not know that there was a risk that it run in families, now I have had mine fixed my sister has found she has two small ones, if it hadn’t have been for mine being discovered who knows what would have happened, now we are a family who are aware and can support each other through this, I am still very scared but I think when I have my first angio after the PED I will relax a bit more. Thinking of you take care are try to be positive.

Thanks Nikki and Lynn. I definitely feel blessed. I remember this total calm in the weeks before the surgery. I truly felt that the annie shouldn't have been found and since it was, there was a reason and that I had to use every single minute. :) I stopped taking all meds so getting them out of my system is probably taking a little while. Then I'm sure the sleep will come easier.

Hi Carol...not sure it is luck...all the Doctors seem to use this as a standard...that we are be alive...recently, my Neuro said to me..."What doesn't kill us Colleen, makes us stronger..."...not sure if I am there yet with the stronger part...

I am so sorry about you not sleeping because of to your Doctor, perhaps they can give you something to help...with the anxiety...or perhaps try a "meditation tapes"...etc., we all deal with anxiety here at BAF .... seems to be common thread...alot of us are diagnosed after the surgery, etc., with PTSD ... and that could be the case with you...eventually you will find that start living each day...with less and less fear...Cyber~thoughts your way ~ Colleen