I will say goodnight now as it is 12.45 in the night her and I (and my fruend!) are wilting. Speak soon, Sally
hang in there. i hope you recover quickly. i am feeling anxious too. i haven’t talked to my dr about it yet, but i will in a couple of weeks.
Sally,
You are an amazing woman and here at BAF, you will find the warmest, kindest, most understanding group of indivduals from all over the world who understand exactly what you are going through. Many times I have posted what this site has done for me since my annie surgery. I am now 5 months post op for an unrupted annie, and still have issue with one thing or another. My issues do change and become fewer and father between. This is my new life, after annie. I do also have a watch and wait annie that I try to let go of and not let it control my life, but sometimes that is easier said than done. Sometimes I just need to break down and cry and question why. Then I allow myself my little pity party and try to move on until the next break down. I think that it is important that we not lose sight of our journey and not try to minimize what we have been through or what we have yet to go through.
That being said, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that you find the strength and courage from all our BAF support family. My best quote, "no one gets me like my BAF family"!
Best wishes,
Linda
hi Dee, i just cried and cried when i read your reply and you understood how i was feeling. It is the most horrible time of my life and im feeling guilty because i should be appreciative. I just had a huge fight with my husband and not sure if he coming home- i actually dont care at the moment either. i feel stuck in a poor me syndrome and thats so not me. 7 coils is massive dee, how are you coping?? When will this ugly place leave?? thanks Deb
Hi Sally, i love the big smile and hug over the net from you!!! and i so wish i had a stack of money to send to your kids so they could come and visit you.unfortunatly i havnt been able to work for 5 weeks and feeding 7 people in this house costs a bomb!!! but i shall but a tatts ticket and if i win i will definatly share with you!! Lives we have been spared!........ mmmm that hits a spot with me. it hasnt lifted my dark cloud yet but has got me thinkin.thankyou sally and i hope you enjoy your visitor.love deb
that is so great to hear..great to have true, everlasting friendship...i hope yall have a wonderful time n hope it helps to keep ur spirits up..nite..nite
Thanks, Michelle, we are having a good time showing my friend around and it is definitely starting to lift my spirits, enjoying the reminiscences and girly chat. John says I am "bobbing up like a cork"! Sally xx
Hi Debbie
Know what you mean about money, I have not been able to work since December so all the financial burden falls on my lovely husband who makes websites, fortunately he is very good at it! But I find it hard, not being able to contribute. Funnily enough we sat down today on an outdoor cafe terrace and along came 3 friends that I have not seen for ages - one of them had a Get Well card in her handbag for me with 2 lottery tickets enclosed! So wish me luck, not that I normally gamble! I am having a great time reminiscing and having girly chats with my old school friend and showing her the sights, my husband says I am "bobbing up like a cork"! I am sure I will have more bad days yet but maybe the black cloud is finally starting to lift ... Have you made it up with your husband? I have had a few rows with mine but I know it is a tough time for him too and I truly believe when this is finally over we will be closer than ever if we treat each other with love and understanding. I too find myself getting into a "poor me" state of self pity and that does annoy my husband, he says I don't appreciate how far I have come already and spend too much time thinking about the things I still can't do yet. So lets agree to snap ourselves out of that, we have been given our lives back so let's not waste them being unhappy! Spend time with people who love you and raise your spirits.
Sally XXX :-D
Hi Sally,
Maybe fate will be kind and those tatts tickets will be the kids air fairs!!!!! Ive also had lots of visiters and ive only been home for 2 weeks.its been brilliant to take the time and really chat with friends.thats one possitive.at times its still a bit too much as i sometimes dont understand them talking, i think my brain just melts down after a while.i had physio yesterday and spent the whole time crying- i was so embarrassed. they told me that there are highs and lows to this recovery. it was comforting to hear how normal i was.my husband is still not really talking to me so you can imagine the tension in the atmosphere at the moment.that dosnt help. i just want a big hug from someone and be told it will be all ok.i have a house full of people and am alone.
Linda, thank you so much for your compassion and support. I am having a lot of fun with the friend who has come to visit, maybe the dark cloud is starting to lift! I know there is a long way to go and a hard row to hoe, but with each other's help and understanding we will make it. I have been writing on here to a little lady called Debbie Joseph who sounds to be in a pretty bad place, I THINK I have been able to cheer her up a little, maybe you could send her a little note too? How are things with you?
Sally XXX :-D
Hi Debbie
Here comes a great big cyber-hug for you! We will get through this and life will be good again. Have you tried telling your husband that you know how tough this must all be for him too? I do understand the feeling of isolation but you are NOT ALONE and I wish you loads of luck with getting close to him again.
Sally xxx
WOW SUE! i'm giving a BIG amen to ur post..i love it, very well said..hope ur doing well n life is going good...God Bless
That's lovely, Sue, boy have you been through the mill, you give us all hope and inspiration.
Hi Sally,
It is hard sometimes to keep my spirits up and moving, but, I am really trying to focus with positive energy to reduce the depression. I haven't gone through anything like you have and I can only imagine your struggles. The BAF friends are here to get you through those dark days across that big pond we have between us. Reaching across with a big Hug and much love!
Karen
hi sue, thanks for your reply, yes thats right i went to the doctors for a pap smear and a general check up-she decided to do a ct scan because 4 years ago they had found a small tumor on my pituarty, came back with an aneurysm!! 3 days later they are cutting my head open and clamping a 12 mill bubble. what the hell happened??? i know it takes time to heal but 5 weeks should be enough.everyone says i look well.they cant see the panic attacks, being jumpy,the memory loss, the sensory overload when things are moving fast or too many colors, the constant dizzyness, the beautiful new haircut ive been given haha,the weight ive put on from not smoking and may i say is killing me!!! Yes thank god im alive!!!! but at the moment i couldnt care less, but thanks for letting me vent.
love deb
hi sally,
thanks for the hug, made me cry just hearing that........
no havnt tried telling him anything, he says im just blocking him out and i am now cause hes mad at me and he just thinks im a nutter.i cant help how im feeling.cant see any light at the end of the tunnel yet-only divorce!!!
thanks
deb
Oh Debs, don't cry! Been there, done that, coming out the other side. my husband says the important thing is to COMMUNICATE - apparently I went totally monosyllabic on him for weeks at a time, I don't remember, also it seems I kept calling him by my first husband's name!! Luckily he realised this was all just symptoms and ignored it as best he could, a lot of it was depression as well as confusion. We both toughed it out and now we are closer than ever, but I know he had a really hard time. Everything you describe is pretty familiar to me, but there really IS light at the end of the tunnel. Please please try to find a way to talk to your husband and explain how you feel, you need to get through this together. I am praying that it works out for you. You are only a few weeks in, at that stage I was still in a coma and my husband was driving, a 40 minute drive, and back, to the hospital to see me, sometimes twice a day, often for me to not even wake up when he was there or to wake slightly and call him the wrong name! But he is still here. Huge hugs and all the luck in the world, let me know how it goes.
Sally xxxx
Yes, I get the point, Sue it is so hard to explain how it feels to others. I had for ages - and still a bit - this weird feeling of not being myself, a stranger in my own body. This forum is excellent indeed. That poor girl Debbie, she says her husband is just blocking her off and calling her a nutter and the only thing she can see at the end of the tunnel is divorce. I read this out to my husband and he said the most important thing is to communicate, apparently I was monosyllabic for weeks and quite often addressed him by my first husband's name! Not too diplomatic, especially as he was driving 40 mins each way, sometimes twice a day, to visit me in hospital, and often I would not even wake up while he was there. But he is still beside me. Makes me realise how lucky I am in spite of everything. Keep smiling,
Sally xx
Debbie, you have really been through it, try to get your family and friends to read some of the stuff on this website, especially the parts for carers. Smile! Even just making your smile muscles work helps, I find.
Sally xxx
HEAR HEAR to all the above!!!