Hi! I had my surgeries in January and March 2014. I got through it with no restrictions according to my surgeon. However I am totally fatigued and depressed. I’m ashamed of myself for feeling this way because I have so much to be thankful for. I feel that I should be bounding out of bed in the morning, euphoric and ready to greet the day but it’s not happening. I am on medication for depression and I was before the event too.
Does anyone else feel this way?
You will see this is an ongoing issue spoken here at BAF...~ depression after the surgery's...many of us are diagnosed with "PTSD" after the surgery and it takes time to work through...if you have a neurologist speak to him/her about it...read here ... many have written discussions about feeling depressed, etc., ... don't be too hard on you...because you are early in the healing...~ wishing you the best ~ Colleen
I can totally identify with this! My aneurysm did not rupture and was coiled in March 2014 to prevent it, but I seem to swing between mild depression or lots of anxiety. And I seem to have no motivation to do anything, but I do try to make myself get out and do something active most days. And I am really nervous about doing physical exercise, particularly yoga, which I had done for five years previously. I feel like I've always got something hanging over my head...
hi, I can also identify. I had a rupture last november, been to numerous appts since, and had a stent assisted coiling in June for a second annie. The depression came on very slowly and I lost all motivation which just made me feel worse. I've been working with a therapist that specialises in brain injuries and an OT who are trying to help me, also starting with physio again. The therapist told me that there is a lot of similarities between brain injuries and depression too so it can be just be part of the recovery for the brain. One thing they keep telling me is to go easy on myself and be patient. I think it's hard for all of us to put our lives back together and move on, me personally I have trouble remembering what my life was like before, or even what it should be now, Im just taking small steps each day to get moving and trying to be more gentle with myself. sometimes i've even wondered why I survived at all just to live this way (depressed and unmotivated) but I think it will just take time.
I have spent most of the summer in my gardens. I don’t have the endurance to be out there all day the way I used to and I take long naps. It’s like I shut down and need a nap immediately. The re-hab people gave me a list of “brain” games to play on the computer. I like Lumosity the best and I play it every day. It tracks your progress so you can see how you’re doing. Pretty neat seeing I didn’t even know how to use a spoon when I was in the ICU. I was eating fruit cocktail with my fingers.
I get depressed and I’m not motivated either. I think both of those things tie into the fatigue factor.
I do lumosity too anna. some of the games annoy me though LOL, and im getting worse at some of them.
I think this is just something else we need to work through. I don't nap anymore because I worry I won't be able to sleep at night if I do, but for a long time I had to nap every afternoon. It's just our body's way of saying it needs to recharge I think so don't feel guilty about it. today I had a really good day, got up earlyish and went on some errands, stopped to pick up lunch. It seems Im much better if I get going in the morning, by the afternoon I just feel too tired to start anything and just have a really negative feeling about it.
I’m better in the morning too. I’m finding that
life’s little pleasures (like picking up lunch) make such a difference in my overall outlook. I am having trouble concentrating. I cancelled the daily paper because I don’t have the patience to read it. I like to paint (I used to like to paint) but I haven’t picked up a paintbrush since my surgeries. It’s lack of motivation and concentration.
I know what you mean about Lumosity! I hate the math ones! But then I couldn’t do math before! Ha ha
hi anna! oh yes, it is always present, I wish I could say its a lot better 5 yrs post sah, but thinking back 5 yrs it is a thousand times better- I would literally "pass out" after the therapists worked me. One thing that helped a lot initially was b vitamins and coq10 but now fatigue has found its way back. Ask your dr before starting any vitamin or supplement. I eat a lot of nuts and fish for protein also
I just wish I had half the energy the dog has, she is a live wire at 6 am and wakes me up!! Also the kids energy is off the charts as well, anything additional to the daily regime wipes me out the following day and I rest up. The fatigue goes hand in hand with depression from the ptsd and the hardships of life are inevitable compounding the situation
Hang in there, everyones journeys are different- I suspect mine was a very bad rupture but I still remain hopeful of more improvement, I believe if I could shake the fatigue the depression would lessen, sitting around is detrimental for me and I run much better when im on a "mission" many times I want to opt out of a Walmart run or an outdoor event but I find if I just go for it I don't feel half bad once im out in the air, tc~~ will keep you in thoughts and prayers~~ oops sorry so long!! I could write a book!!-lol
Oh, Anna, You are so early in your Healing process and please do try to remember the most important piece of advice you need to constantly give to yourself thru this Journey you are now on and that is to "always be Kind to yourself"!
The effects that this beast leaves us with can be just so hard for us to deal with. I've battled thru many struggles with myself having to Fight to find my new identity! while you may feel lost at times and in so much inner pain; please know you need to keep fighting for help -- baby steps thru this girl; start by crawling and before long; you'll be amazed at how far you've come! Please know that You are not ALONE with how you are feeling and never give up fighting this good fight -- YOU have thousands right here ready and willing to Support & Love you thru this. If nothing ever changed; there'd be no Butterflies and Just like the Butterfly; YOU will find Your wings & soar thru the rest of your Beautiful Life. May you be Blessed with Comfort & Strength as you continue to Heal. /Michele {HUGS}
Thank you, Michele, for your beautiful and uplifting reply. I will try to hold on to those thoughts. It’s quite an adjustment, isn’t it! I wasn’t really prepared for that part of it. I’m so lucky to have survived, I feel ashamed to complain about anything. My world has gotten small…I don’t feel like doing much of anything…takes too much effort. I’m much better in the morning so I try to get my stuff done then. Take care of yourself too!
You are very welcome Anna and am glad my thoughts helped a bit and, Yes, certainly quite an adjustment!!! 3 years ago, an AVM, I didn't even know I had, torpedoed into my life without any warning whatsoever with a Rupture at 46 years young! It's been quite the Journey & still is ... but what I've come to realize is that we are not "complaining" and more just trying to adjust into our new identity which does takes time, strength & courage and know you have all that and then some after this short little chat with you :))! I'm the opposite of you; I'm much better in the evenings and get more stuff done then...I've always been a night owl; yet this Journey has brought on a new definition of a night owl ...hehe! Have a great Wednesday and just one more thing to note...be sure to celebrate each and every accomplishment you conquer today & every day :))!!! /Michele