Hi. My name is Chris and I'm 46 years old. In March of 2012 I suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm. I live in a small town in Idaho. The hospital there could not perform the surgery so they sent me by ambulance to a larger hospital in Spokane. While I was there they attempted to perform an angiogram on me to coil the aneurysm but was not successful. They discovered that I had a disease called fibro muscular dysplasia (a twisting of the arteries) and could not advance the catheter. They then air lifted to me to a trauma center in Seattle where I underwent 3 surgeries. The last one placed a shunt in my head to drain the fluid off my brain. I spent a month in the hospital before returning home. I was back to work 3 months later and fortunately, have had a pretty good recovery with little side effects. The one that I do suffer from the most is depression. It is dehabilitating at times and I have isolated myself from friends and family. I go to work and come home and go to bed. The fatigue is so bad and I'm not sure if it is from the depression or the aneurysm. I am afraid to talk to what few friends I have left as I truly feel they do not understand. I feel as though I am a burden to them, still talking about this 16 months later. I have tried to no avail to find a support group in my area but have been unsuccessful. Has anyone else ever experienced this kind of fatigue and depression ? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Chris
Sounds like you have had a rough go. Depression is something that I have found since mine as well. On top of the major hig blood pressure and the nasy headaches that do not seem to go away.. I sudgest that you look for a councler. That is something that will help. Having someone to talk with about how you are feeling.Good luck and feel to vent to me if you need to..
Thank you so much for your kind response. I am sorry that you are still experiencing headaches. I do see a counselor on a regular basis and am on a high dose of anti depressants but yet this depression still exists. I just want to feel normal again.
Hi Chris!
Wow , back to work 3 months after? That is incredible in itself, let alone all you've endured. What were the surgeries you went thru in Seattle (were they able to coil it there or ?) You know, the trauma you've been thru has got to take its toll on the body/mind...and considering your situation was different from the 'norm' what with the dysplasia and all, the anxiety had to be greatly enhanced for you and your medical team, both. Plus the month you lost while in the hospital--that's a lot to take ! no matter who you are, that has got to be rough.
Are you seeing a neurologist now? I wonder if perhaps your anti-depressant meds need to be adjusted? just a thought...You have defineatly landed at the right place, the BAF is awesome and filled with many who have also gone down some rough terrain in their fight against these damned aneurysms, and I know depression is something many people here do battle with...none of this is easy and straightforward. I wish I could tell you that it'll simply vanish--and maybe it will--but in the meantime, I'm glad you found us Chris...
Peace to you as you travel thru this journey, Janet
I am sorry to hear that. I fins myself thinking if I can just find out how to stop the headachesnso thatbi can go to work I will be less depressed. But this far I can not get theu the day with out the nasty headache. Keep trying nww meds. But I am gratful to be alive. Keep talking find someone you can relate to. Just don’t give up. Cuz you are worth it.
Hi Chris - I had my rupture in March 2012 also and can't even fathom being back at work that quick - good for you :) I'm still not back to work, and may never be, which is really hard because I was someone that could say I honestly loved my job and looked forward to going everyday. Between that and having to rely on others when I have always been so independent has been hard which has led to occasional depression. I too have isolated myself and just can't bring myself to make that call to friends because I feel so different from them now...I look like me but I am not me on the inside anymore. So that being said, here's what I do...I have made wonderful friends here that I chat with most everyday - gives me the lift I need with people that understand...I do have 1 friend that truly understands because of health issues herself and she has been a blessing. I have a new relationship with the Lord that has helped a lot. I count my blessings everyday and realize that I am still here to watch my kids grow up. I volunteer with a couple different groups - I hope this doesn't sounds horrible, but seeing people struggling with various issues makes me realize how fortunate I truly am, which gives me a sense of peace. As for the fatigue, I am done fighting it. When I am tired, I'm tired and my brain literally shuts off and I am done for the day. My kids joke that if they want something, they wait to ask me after 6:00 when my brain is done :). I guess there is truly not a universal answer to what works for us - it's individual and you need to find what works for you. As for the support group - I don't have one around me either but have been told that going to a stroke support group may be very helpful as lots of the aftermath is the same - I have found one very close that I am going to try. Good Luck to you, and if we lived closer I would love to have coffee with you...decaf of course :)
Enjoy your day,
Mary
hi chris ! i'm 56 yrs old and suffered a SAH 4 yrs ago, wow you are doing great!! --back to work already! that's awesome since i'm permanently disabled- I cant begin to imagine going back to work. Just walking to the bathroom and then making a pot of coffee wears me out but I'm thankful I can do that. Depression is a result of the post traumatic stress I believe, Don't fret over lost friends- they were not true blue friends. People run away and bury their heads in the sand at the first sign of trouble like ostriches even certain family members, this is why I come here on site-banding together is so therapeutic and comforting. You are still early in recovery and doing fantastic thus far- hang in there- there's more improvement to come but it will be slow and hard to notice.Keeping you in thoughts and prayers~~ ps -stop by the chat room if you'd like-we are always on there- a great retreat!
Hi Chris...I had experienced the depression when I first came home from the hospital...but it got better...the fatigue is still there, however, I combat the fatigue by walking daily helping to give me energy and also make me feel better emotionally...Donot suffer in silence...go see a Doctor for your depression...and also, seek perhaps "talk therapy" with a counselor "one on one"...so you can talk about how you are feeling....
God Bless...~ keep us posted ~ Colleen
Hi Janet! Thank you for the advice. Yes, in Seattle they were able to coil the aneurysm but not through an angiogram. They had to remove a bone from my right frontal lobe to get to it and allow the swelling to go down. Unfortunately, after this surgery the other side began to rupture so they went back in and clipped it. The third surgery was placing the shunt in my head.
Hi Mary! I hope I have as much luck on here as you seem to have! I am not that computer savvy. Yes, being dependent on others is very hard. Best of luck to you as you continue to recover and may God continue to bless you.
Hi Ron! Thanks for the reply. I will stop by the chat room one of these days and say hi.
Thank you Colleen!
Chris...welcome...to another northwest member...overall you have been blessed...
Today, NY Times has a very interesting article "Nightmares After the I.C.U." by Jan Hoffman... easy to locate on the 'net... article relates post ICU to PTSD...
For some time, I have questioned the Recovery process not designed/marketed to us...as the minimally invasive devices are...
Today is 10 years since the day of record of my coiling...days after diagnostic angio / coronary care for the aneurysm...rated as Hunt&Hess Grade 1 and Fisher Grade 1...and supported by the ER/admit records...
Fatigue/related issues can/may not end...possibly decline; other issues may decline, expand/grow, or remain unchanged...from our brain functions to our body temp, thyroid, organs/GI issues...
FMD is of intrigue to me....based on my records...There are other members of FMD issues...
What was explained to you about FMD? Any follow-ups? Other areas of your arteries checked?
The PCP initially referred me to a counselor...highest levels of those talks was to get her billing corrected...
Was neuropsych testing provided to you before/after discharge? If not, can you ask your doc about it?
Overall, you have been blessed...recovery is a continued challenge / adjustments for many of us...
We all go thru varied extents of changes/shifts in family/friend connections...sometimes due to their own health care issues...to the rest wanting us to be the old normal...visiting over fun/interesting things...And, once we can shower/dress in clean clothes...look fine/great...it is expected our daily functions are, too...
Prayers for overcoming your fatigue/depression. Could you possibly take some additional time off, including reduced hours? So depends on your work functions/commute time, human resources/benefits...
Pat
Hi Pat!
Thank you so much for you reply! The FMD is a major concern for me too. I have been told that all my arteries are affected. It took 3 hospitals to attempt to coil the aneurysm. The first 2 attempted to coil it thru an angiogram and was unsuccessful. They said it was the worst case of it they have ever seen. I praise the Lord that I ended up where I did because my surgeon was excellent. The only down side is that it is 6 hours from my house. My surgeon there told me not to worry about the FMD because there is nothing that can be done about it until another aneurysm develops. The thought of that terrifies me and I often wonder if most of my depression is based on this fear. There are no doctors in my area that even know what this disease is so therefore, my other arteries have not been checked. I have had a neuropsych test done and was very pleased with the results most of which said I need to make a concentrated effort on staying focused and that multi tasking will tend to give me anxiety. Also, a little damage to my short term memory. I love your suggestion about taking time off work but I am a single mother and could not afford less hours and losing my insurance coverage and the dr's don't think this is a good idea. You really touched on a major issue for me. Since we do look normal on the outside of us, people do assume we are back to our old selves. So far from the truth and very difficult to try to explain to them that we are still struggling. I long to find a support group and/or SOMEONE else that has been through this and just enjoy an occasional cup of coffee or lunch with them. I know God has a plan for me and I am trying to stay focused on recovery so He will eventually reveal His plan to me. Thank you again for your kind reply and God bless you!
Chris
Also, congratulations to you for making it to 10 years!!!
Thanks...I will tell my story one of these days...
For support groups...we yet seem to be the small percentage...
You may want to search your area for TBI/Stroke meetings...we all have similar BI w/diff in causes...
I had gone to both in my area well before there was a BAF support group...that is now too far for me to travel in commuter time...likely same trauma center you were at...
Our second meeting there...an attendee was the wife of a patient also from Idaho...I do not know status...or remember the names...
Chris...it took you from Idaho to jog these little memories...
Pat
Hello Chris
Fatigue seems to be a major problem for anyone with Acquired Brain Injury, what ever the cause. I had treatment for an unruptured aneurysm in Dec 2011 and the fatigue and memory problems have prevented me getting back to work. Fatigue, which is brain fatigue if I do too much thinking or concentrating or in busy social situations, is my main problem. I'm getting better at taking rests and not getting so tired out, but it must be so hard for you at work. Praise God I have an Ill Health Pension. At least I can pace my day. I found this helpful and even printed it off for colleagues and friends. http://www.brainline.org/content/2011/07/lost-found-what-brain-injury-survivors-want-you-to-know.html
I've found people have difficulty understanding, particularly as I look and sound normal. They think I should be normal by now, but I know I'm still way off what is normal for me. Everything I've read suggests improvement continues for a long time and looking back I can see I am so much better than a year ago. So I continue to hope for further improvement or that I will successfully adapt to my limitations. I think depression can be quite common, particularly as we have to go through a sort of bereavement reaction for the loss of how we used to be. Somehow I suspect your fatigue is more likely to be a brain injury problem rather than all depression. Referral to a Neuropsychologist in a Neurorehab team might help you. Mine has given me clues on managing fatigue and life in general as well as advice on how to manage my cognitive problems.Judith
Thank you so much for your reply Judith! I hope you continue to improve too. You are absolutely right in the fact that we look normal on the outside and people assume we are back to the old us. Finding people who understand these difficult feelings we are having is hard too. I also have problems in social situations which is something I have never experienced. God bless you & lets keep in touch.
Hi Chris, I had a burst aneurysm May 5th of last year and a coiling for another in July of last year. Since then I have had to several angiograms and additional coils added to the original burst annie in February. I am extremely depressed and the fatigue is overwhelming. From reading this is normal. I sure dont like it tho!