Thanks for adding me as a friend. I am English but live in Spain with my lovely husband John, he takes very good care of me and I am slowly recovering from my rupture last New Year's Eve and double eye surgery cos I came out of my coma blind. All 3 kids are in England and have no money to fly out, I miss them so much, of course I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO EARN THIS YEAR SO CANNOT HELP THEM. fEEL VERY ISOLATED AS MOST OF THE MANY "FRIENDS" i THOUGHT i HAD OUT HERE HAVE STRANGELY DISAPPEARED SINCE i HAVE BEEN ILL. sO YOUR ADDING ME MEANS A LOT. hOPING NEUROLOGIST WILL LET ME FLY BACK TO UK AROUND fEB SO i CAN TOUCH BASE AND SEE EVERYONE! mEANWHILE, LOVE AND BEST WISHES TO YOU AND WHAT IS YOUR STORY? As far as I am concerned, I am making reasonably good progress physically but suffer very much with anxiery and depression - often wake up feeling really sad though I cannot remember what I dreamed about usually. I guess it is PTSD or similar. I have some medication which calms me down somewhat but does not really cheer me up. The occasional cigarette cheers me up! But of course I am not supposed to have them, my daughter went ballistic when she heard that. Any tips? It is so hard for my husband because most days I have some kind of melt down and he does not know how to console me.

SALLY XX Oops, caps lock, sorry!


My name is dee and wow you are amazing...I had my rupture on July 3 2009 and I have been on several different meds for the depression thing. I really haven't found anything that has helped..I myself am pretty isolated as well and would love to get to know you better and see if we could be there a bit for each other!

Hi Dee

Thank you so much for replying to me. It means a lot. You are ahead of me, have you fully recovered physically (depression and fatigue notwithstanding). Thank you too for saying I am amazing, alas, I am pretty average really, and don't yet fel back to my old self, it is weird sometimes, like there is someone else in my body, not me. But John says "a bit more Sally-ness" comes back every day"!

It really was nice to hear from you, Dee, tell me some more about yourself?


hi sally,

i hope things begin to get better for you. have u been back to the eye dr concerning your most recent procedure on your vision..will keep u in my prayers and for your spirits to be raised up...prayers n love coming ur way...michelle n texas ;)

Hi sally mine was in 2002 and other than occasional panic attacks I have recovered I am back at work have had two kids and am married so it does get better with time.

Jessica, thank you so much for your sweet reply, if you have got married and had 2 kids SINCE your illness you must be one amazing lady! I have met some fantastic people on this site, it really does help. Keep in touch! Sally xx

Hi Michelle, how's it going? Thank you so much for keeping in touch with me, it does raise my spirits to hear from the wonderful folk on this site. My next ( final?) eye appointment is next Tuesday, if all is well I can go and get myelf a new pair of glasses and hopefully see properly at last! The annoying thing is, the year before my aneurysm I shelled out over 2000 euros for eye laser treatment which fixed my lifelong bad short-sight - my eyesight was fantastic after that, and now it seems to be messed up again, plus I am going very deaf which is something that runs in my family - does not help with socialising as I cannot see people's expressions or hear the conversation. What a moaning Minnie I am, sorry. When I said that to my neurologist he said, a lot of my patient don't survive to complain, so stop bitching (or words to that effect). Thanks again for keeping in touch.

Hasta pronto

Sally xx

thats great to hear...i do not mean it to be funny but in a way it is..wouldnt that be a hoot if i could attend a social activity w/you..considering your circumstances right now i could be ur eyes n no one could give any snooty glares or dare say anything would be their expense of course...mind you im referring to those so called friends who have suddenly took a leave of absence since ur anny incident,,,please forgive me if i sound cynical but i just thought that was really insensitive for a person to call themself a friend and then bail when the going gets rough..but the great thing is you still have us! we may be an ocean away hut were still here for one another...i hope i was able to give you a little chuckle..i thought it was funny..but sometimes have a weird sense of humor,,,lol...please let me know how your appt goes? fingers crossed and prayers goin up sweety!

Hi my name is debbie and this is my first communication on this site. i had a clamp done 5 weeks ago and am feeling so not myself since. ive always been such a happy person and ive been so grateful to everyone for looking after me. my aneurism didnt rupture but still came as a a mess at the moment, so aggresive and completely misserable. Dying for a smoke, but havent. ive put on weight and thats bringing me down too. my poor husband has stopped talking to me cause im being a bitch half the time and crying the rest!!! i also have had some anxiety and have 3 children aged 2,10 and 14 and am always panic ing they will be hurt for no reason.gee wizz sally youve been through so much more than me and here i am having a sulk, it was just that i conected when i saw someone else has been depressed since surgery. i really hope your ok sally and would love to talk more as i think maybe somehow it helps. i dont feel so alone.

Again ... Welcome to BAF Sally...!

I think Depression is so much a part of the journey healing...we really don't know what part of the brain is touched ... but it seems that it is a common thread...

Almost 1 year ago...I had a 9mm unruptured (but leaking) annie on my basilar was coiled....I suffered depression and anxiety for the first month or I only experience the anxiety and it is not is part of my "new normal"...

You really have had a time of it...and I pray that you continue to Heal and Improve...Cyber~hugs Colleen


I had to come to an understanding within myself that there was no longer going to be a "normal" that would be fair to expect my brain to be measured by....That I had to set a new normal for me. I would like to share something with you that may very well be as helpful to you as it was and is to me...I happen to carry it around with me daily and when I get frustrated I pull it out and read it!


I'm glad to see that you are awake! This is your brain talking. I had to find some way to communicate with you. I feel like I barely survived WWIII and am still not quite all in one piece. That's why I need you. I need you to take care of me.

As time passes and you and I feel better and better, people, even doctors, will tell you that we are fine, "it's time to get on with life." That sounds good to me and probably even better to you. But before you go rushing back out into that big wide world, I need you to listen to me, really listen. Don't shut me out. Don't tune me out. When I'm getting into trouble I'll need your help more than I ever have before.

I know that you want to believe that we are going to be the same. I'll do my best to make that happen. The problem is that too many people in our situation get impatient and try to rush the healing process; or when their brains can't fully recover they deny it and, instead of adapting, they force their brains to function in ways they are no longer able too. Some people even push their brains until they seize, and worse... I'm scared. I'm afraid that you will do that to me. If you don't accept me I am lost. We both will be lost.

How can I tell you how much I need you now? I need you to accept me as I am today... not for what I used to be, or what I might be in the future. So many people are so busy looking at what their brains used to do, as if past accomplishments were a magical yardstick to measure present success or failures, that they fail to see how far their brains have come. It's as if here is shame, or guilt, in being injured. Silly, huh?

Please don't be embarrassed or feel guilt, or shame, because of me. We are okay. We have made it this far. If you work with me we can make it even further. I can't say how far. I won't make any false promises. I can only promise you this, that I will do my best.

What I need you to do is this: because neither of us knows how badly I've been hurt (things are still a little foggy for me), or how much I will recover, or how quickly, please go s-l-o-w-l-y when you start back trying to resume your life. If I give you a headache, or make you sick to your stomach, or make you unusually irritable, or confused, or disoriented, or afraid, or make you feel that you are overdoing it, I'm trying to get your attention in the only way I can. Stop and listen to me.

I get exhausted easily since being hurt, and cannot succeed when overworked. I want to succeed as much as you do. I want to be as well as I can be, but I need to do it at a different pace than I could before I got hurt. Help me to help us by paying attention and heeding the messages I send to you.

I will do my part to do my very best to get us back on our feet. I am a little worried though that if I am not exactly the same... you will reject me and may even want to kill us. Other people have wanted to kill their brains, and some people have succeeded. I don't want to die, and I don't want you to die.

I want us to live, and breath and be, even if being is not the same as it was. Different may be better. It may be harder too, but I don't want you to give up. Don't give up on me. Don't give up on yourself. Our time here isn't through yet. There are things that I want to do and I want to try, even if trying has to be done in a different way. It isn't easy. I have to work very hard, much harder, and I know that you do too. I see people scoff, and misunderstand. I don't care. What I do care about is that you understand how hard I am working and how much I want to be as good as I can be, but I need you to take good care of us, as well as you can do that.

Don't be ashamed of me. We are alive. We are still here. I want the chance to try to show you what we are made of. I want to show you the things that are really important in life. We have been given another chance to be better, to learn what is really important. When it is finally time for our final exit I would like to look back and feel good about what we made of us and out of everything that made up our life, including this injury. I cannot do it without you. I cannot do it if you hate me for the way being injured has affected me and our life together. Please try not to be bitter in grief. That would crush me.

Please don't reject me. There is little I can do without you, without your determination to not give up. Take good care of us and of yourself. I need you very much, especially now.

Hi Debbie Im dee....I know just where your @ and its an ugly place, the good news is it dosent last forever...from what I have learned women get it worse then the men do but it happens when the clipping or coiling is done.

Oh by the way I had a rupture in july of 09 and had 7 coils put in...havent been able to return to work..was a stay @ home mom..

would love to have someone to chat with!

hey dee,

i def believe this letter is our little anny words of inspiration..i also had a anny rupture and coiled in Oct 09..however now i love taking naps, my family is so understanding when i need my alone time to regroup n give me peace n quiet..i thank God for helping them to be so understanding...i am a testament that things do get better..i feel my life will not be as it was prior to the anny but im still alive and this is a good thing....we are all survivors and with survival comes recovery...i pray for everyone who have been touched by this horrible situation..but know there is a light at the end of the tunnel..keep your faith close n ur chin up..Gods got each of us by the hand..guiding us to a wonderful life ahead..prayers n love..michelle

Hi Michelle, good to hear from you, as always. It certainly would be good if we could go out and socialise together! I will be going out a bit this week cos my dear friend Vivienne just arrived off the plane from England to spend a week with me and John. We met at school when we were 6 years old and have always kept in touch. xxx

Hi Debbie

Seems like you are having some of the same problems I am, and my husband gets fed up too. Well done for not smoking, I'm afraid I have had a few, not a lot but I know I should not have any! It is really good to know we are not alone and that the anxiety and depression are par for the course and will pass. I can so relate to panicking about the kids, mine are older, 30, 27 and 19, the 2 boys live in London and my daughter lives in Norfolk with her Syrian boyfriend who is quite temperamental. None of them have money to fly over and see me, and I am not well enough to fly yet, besides being broke as I have not been able to work since the aneurysm. I miss them and worry about them all SO mUCH!

But hey, Debbie, onward and upward! We are not going to waste the lives we have been spared for, by wallowing in misery. We are getting better even if it is slow. So here comes a big smile and a hug from me, keep in touch! My old schoolfriend Vivienne has just arrived from England to see how I am and spend a week, so I have to be cheerful and not ruin her visit!

Sally xxx

Yeah, you have come to the right place, Debbie, we all cheer each other on, you are NOT ALONE! The last couple of days I think I have felt the depression lifting a bit, my husband says I am "bobbing up like a cork", hope he is right! It helps that an old schoolfriend has come to stay for a week. Onward and upward! We ARE getting better. even if it's slow. Keep in touch, keep smiling,

Big hugs,


Hi Dee

Yes, I have read that brain letter before, it's great, I read it out to my husband and we were both almost moved to tears. Meanwhile I have an old school friend flew in today to spend a week with me, we have known each other since we were 6 and are having huge fun reminiscing and catching up, so that's cheering me up a lot!

Take care, God bless

Sally xx

Thanks, Colleen, for your wise and cheering words. Onward and upward! At the moment I have an old school friend here, she flew in from UK today to see how I am doing, lots of fun reminiscing, so that is cheering me up a lot.

Take care, God bless,


Thanks, Debbie, your wise reply means a lot to me. I have an old school friend here for a week so that is cheering me up a lot!

Take care, God bless, stay in touch,

Sally xx

Sally...I am so happy that a friend is with you...God bless you too...Colleen