You made me remember something when you said you haven't painted since you had your aneurysm. I used to be a cross stitch fanatic. I made many, many projects, most of them I gave away. I have not cross stitched in almost eight years, since I suffered a ruptured aneurysm in May 2007. I have tried getting the books out, the supplies out, but I just don't have it in me to do it. Another thing that some of us may have had happen: I have always been an avid reader, I can never have enough books in the house. After I came home from the hospital, I couldn't concentrate on reading. By the time I got to the second page, I had forgotten what was on the first page. I was so upset. Finally, close to a year later, I was able to read books again, but I still forget what books I have read and what they were about. I have to just be content to enjoy the book I am reading for the pure enjoyment. Thanks for jogging my memory.
Anna said:
I sent an answer earlier but I wanted to add another thought... I am an artist. I haven't picked up a paint brush since January 2014 when I had my aneurism. It just seems like too much work. I got out my supplies figuring if I walked by them it might foster some inspiration... but... no. I've been doing more photography... posting photos on Face Book and getting positive response which has been so good for my morale. And I have entered some of my photographs in shows too. So, I'm making SOME progress.. Note:My therapists from re-hab have told me that it's a "new reality" and that if/when I start to paint I might approach it in a totally different way from what I had before, that it could be a process of discovery. Also to bear in mind that I just may not want to paint at all. I'm working on being accepting of all this and trying not to dwell on it. Very hard.
I just reread you original reply. I was struck by your statement that you had to let go of a negative relationship in your life. I have surrounded myself with positive people and have labeled as "Toxic" people who bring me down with their negativity. Unfortunately, that includes my one brother, who I have removed from my life. He was always full of himself, very passive-aggressive, and I always let it go when my parents were living for the sake of family peace. After my aneurysm, I felt free to let him go. The final straw was when he demeaned my husband and my brother at a dinner we were having. He is gone from my life forever and I am a better, happier person for that decision.
I did not have a bleed but a large Annie and had it clipped five years ago. Very invasive and have had Tiaās, loss of memory, change of personality and more recently reclusive due to a light stoke 4 weeks ago. Had to retire as memory was a factor. Then had lymphoma non-Hodgkins underwent Chemo and radiation, and lastly had a very injurious fall which required new patella, new shoulder and loss of rotator cuff and hip rlacement. I was always very social and loved life but all has changed. If I could go back would have coiling if possible but came on quickly and was admitted to intensive care immediately. Iām still trying to be strong and accept what is and will be.
Sharon, I am having trouble reading and concentrating. I canceled the daily paper because I can't concentrate on it and I don't miss struggling with it. Too much work. We are simplifying our lives!
Well, I miss the 'Old Dawn', but I hear that I am more easy going now. I have more fun. I think I realized that I almost died and who cares about some of the things that really don't mean much. Just take every thing that is real and love it up. The husband, the kids, the family, people, animals, nature. I always loved it before, but it feels different now. So I guess I am more raw, I don't know. I accept who I am and I try to enjoy my life. I hope you can too.
I found myself more direct/ specific in my requests. I am more spiritual now. I enjoy being with family and close friends. I feel like God gave me extra time to spend with my loved ones. He could take me anytime.I still grope for the right words most times, I forget a lot of things, names, events. I am still dizzy on & off, balance problems so I almost always have my cane with me. I become extremely tired most times that I could sleep for hours on end/wake up and still tired. Mine was 3.5 yrs. ago.
Would you share a bit more about your character chsngesā¦ Be a little more specific as to the differences from before to the present. I would like to hear more about your situation
I am glad my character has changed. It has almost been a year since my double ruptures and I am still having issues with headaches, dizziness, and very tired. Short term memory too. But the things that have changed is I don't sweat the small stuff anymore and I don't feel guilty about saying no to things that i know will run me down. I do appreciate the little things more and find good in more things. I lost my job in November but I guess it was for the best because I am not sure if I could of returned to what I was doing full time.
I used to be a quiet, thinker, process at lightening speed, recall things vividly, could just about tell you what page a passage was on in a book I read twenty years ago. Could definitely recall what a person was wearing, doing, saying and the weather on a particular day if I needed to - without effort, it scared most people I met.
Now - my mind has gone from black after the rupture to gray, I am getting my empathy back but that took quite a few months. I would have hundreds of thoughts going on in my head at the same time and was comfortable with my synapses flying like the Pomona Freeway. After my rupture, for a few months, I was not aware of any thoughts, my brain just provided words when it could recall the words, sometimes not the correct word. Most people are horrible poker players and I could still read them. I became very afraid when my brain wasnāt doing what it had done for decades. Itās improving, slowly but I am aware of my thoughts and I keep practicing on memory issues. Biggest change - I can talk none stop, Iām getting better at that. Self confidence faltered when I lost my words as words at one time meant everything to me. I can forget a bookās plot or characters in a week. I just re-read the book enjoying it in the moment. What I have learned is if I give myself the same patience I can give others, I tend to see improvement within a few weeks. I had always been harder on myself then on others in the past. My partner says I show my emotions more - so I guess no poker playing for me. I also frighten more easily. I used to either just not be frightened or wait until the emergency was done and over and then think ādang that was scary as heckā now, I feel my adrenaline start coursing in situations that it really shouldnāt, so I have to do my relaxation skill set. I also have become a worrier. Pre -rupture, worry was not a part of me that I would allow myself to show others, now I canāt seem to keep the words in. I still donāt worry too much about myself, I know Iām in charge of me, and I still accept that responsibility.
My clipping was 14 years ago. Many people have said that I'm not the same person. I'm not sure what they expect. I'm not really aware of being "different" I know I get angry more quickly but I always had a short temper. The difference is that I'm not willing to tolerate things I tolerated before. I cry more easily at everything. I used to tell people I had no deficits and I couldn't understand it. But after 14 years, I think that my deficits are emotional. Not things doctors track.
Gabriele, are you experiencing vertigo often? If so, you need to see a specialist. My aneurysm burst on April 13, 1974. So, Iāve cheated death for over 40 years! I get vertigo, too. But, that is on the bottom of the list of things that Iām dealing with. If the vertigo is causing you to alter your lifestyle, I would, most definitely see a neurologist.
LHR
I have changed indeed! Crying if certain music is played, too much going on, loud noises, head noises, vertigo.
Driving is awful in traffic or rain. I dont seem to have the same personality. I am happy but not the same
Good luck
This discussion, both positive and negative, has been an eye-opener for me. I miss 'me' too. Maybe we are all out there in an alternate universe :) Anyway, I appreciate everyone's honesty. I don't feel so odd or alone. I do wish everyone a warm spring day in a poppy field.
Gabrielle, I really donāt know what people are thinking, you just survived a major medical event! Just be thankful that you are still alive! Iām a more thankful person than I used to be. My aneurysm burst over 40 years ago!!! At that time we were not as advanced medically as we are today. The doctors told my girlfriend (then) now wife of 39 years that there wasnāt any way that I was going to survive the night. If I did I would have severe brain damage, (I.e. might not know anyone, or blind, or brain challenged). I do have short term memory problems, but, that isnāt anything compared to having those other issues. Hang in there!
One of the things that scared me, early on, was when I asked a friend who also suffered a subarachnoid hemorrhage when she got back to feeling like she was "her" again. She was over a year out. She said she still didn't feel like her. I definitely am not the old me after three years, but I am accepting, today of the new me. Tomorrow I might not be but today my head doesn't hurt very bad, it's my birthday I just took all of my students in my morning class to breakfast at our cafe, and the sun is shining.
I have found that one thing I, personally, need to do is feel however I feel. Early on and even still, I had people tell me to just be happy to be alive. Even when I was on a stroke support group (which I left) on FB, I was trying to get support for the emotional loss I was feeling and the moderator said "I think the main thing you need to remember is that you should just be happy to be alive."
I find that very VERY offensive. First of all, of course I feel blessed to be alive! Every day I thank the Lord for the chance he gave me. But the hemorrhage changed me and it's okay to mourn the old life and to feel whatever you feel for however long you need to feel it. If you need to cry, cry. You don't have to go around throwing flower petals over your shoulder and pretending that everything is fine when in reality you're trying to navigate this new body and new brain that don't work together very well. What makes it harder is that for a lot of us, we look fine and can even do a lot of the things we used to do. Some days I can run a marathon. Other days going to a party I can't stand alone in the center of a room without feeling like I might fall down. Why? Running I have two things that are going for me; it's generally quiet and peaceful since it's outdoors. There are not a lot of flashing lights and I'm almost always with another person. I wear headphones and often have no music in them so they block unexpected noises. I also have a lot of years of muscle memory going for me. Even when I first got out of the hospital I was so determined to get that part of my life back that I'd try to run while still using a walker. When I graduated to using a cane I bought Nordic Poles and would run with those because I was balanced while running, but when I'd stop I had to have them poles or I'd fall right to the ground.
But at a party I'm in an unfamiliar place with new sounds and smells. I have to speak extemporaneously (whew, that was a tough one to spell) with people I don't know. My blood is not flowing as fast, so my thoughts do not flow as well. I can actually have clearer conversations when I am running than when I am not. (I am clearer when typing as well, I notice.) So because I can run I think that sometimes people think I am faking it when I am wobbly in other areas in life, or have to take sick days due to crippling headaches.
I do celebrate the positives and love my own glimpses, which I get when I run or have a good day. It's taken me a few hours to ty pe this and as I have the weather has changed from cloudy to sunny and sunnier and my head has gone from nearly no headache worth speaking of to headache to speak of to "stupid head" (in Homer Simpson voice). Ah well. It is what it is...and I am happy to be alive. I just want to be MORE than just alive. I want to be wild and run 100 milers and jump out of planes and make memories so that when that time comes that I have to leave this mortal coil and my life flashes before my eyes, it isn't just a test pattern. It's full of amazing memories and actual life. That is not an indictment on how anyone else chooses to live their lives, just how I want to live mine and right now I feel like I can't fully do that because of the deficits, as minor (comparatively) as they are.
YES very much so. My character changed since my ruptured aneurysm. I do no realize it but I have been told by friends who knew me before and are not my friends anymore because they do not understand what it is like to have gone through what I have been through. I do not have vertigo, but I am very sensitive to light, noise and traffic. Are you experiencing any of these symptoms?
Yes...Moltroub set up the Basic Brain data...it may be worth viewing; fairly easy to read; the parts of our brain and their general functions.
For some time I have addressed the limbic system...also known as the "emotions brain"...
The limbic system: the thalamus, hypothalamus (much more); the hypothalamus connects to the pituitary stalk, pituitary, the endocrine system, on down to our to our toes...somewhat close.
This can be researched on the internet: limbic system anatomy and physiology
and/or thru: PubMed Limbic System where the professional research/findings/suggestions are brought forward.
Because, purportedly, most to many survivors have had neurologists during their recovery and, it suggests none have addressed the limbic system and its (potential) impacts. We hear things (are told) like 'migraine aura', and however many more migraines are named.
When manufacturers apply to the FDA for approval of devices, there is little to no data on the arterial access to the area of treatment(s). I am unaware of any member having shared that their neurointerventionalist/team addressed any of these potentials during the marketing of the minimally invasive procedures.
A few years ago, the hubby of a survivor in the UK did tell us that her doctor explained her body temp reaction related to her hypothalamus...where some of us were sent in for EEGs to see if severe shivering in minimal environmental temp drops were related to seizures. Only noted here because of its relationship to the limbic system on to the connection to our pituitary.