My aneurysm ruptured in November 2017 when I was 34 and I was lucky enough to live and have a speedy recovery. I was back at work again in February 2018 and have been working full time as an educator of PS-5th grade students since. The thing is… I may be able to work full time, but I don’t know if I should work, for the sake of my psychological well-being.
My mental processing time is much slower post-surgery and, while I think I’m still good at my job, everything takes FOREVER to do and I am constantly overwhelmed and am perpetually behind. I often feel like I’m on the verge of drowning and it’s as though there are gears in my head that aren’t aligned quite right and are grinding on each other. I used to have stressful periods at work before my rupture, but now my stress levels are high all the time.
I thought I would feel much more “normal” this many years after my surgery and it’s frustrating that I don’t. I’m debating if I should find part-time work instead of pushing myself to work the same way I did before 2017. But then I start wondering if I’m just being weak and using my aneurysm as an excuse to be lazy. The importance of working hard and being productive was drilled into me by my father as I was growing up. He expected that I give 100% all of the time and giving anything less was seen as laziness and failure.
For those of you who have had a rupture, how many of you have gone back to work full time? (I realize the severity of the ruptures varies greatly, but I’m just generally curious.) Have any of you gone from full time to part time? If so, was it a positive change?
I’m torn as to what to do. Any insight or advice would be much appreciated! Thanks for reading.
Hey Karmy,
I think this is assessment we all need to make for ourselves. For some people getting ‘back into it’ is a fairly easy process, for others it’s far, far from simple. There is no ‘Yes or No’ answer. I’ve been through the neurosurgical route a few times and none of them have been the same in recovery and that’s both mentally and physically.
Initially I ‘tried’ to jump straight back into life and work, trying to maintain where I’d left off. This was a bad, bad idea. I pushed myself too hard, too soon and ended up back having further surgery. After that my then girlfriend (now wife) put her foot down and said “No” to returning to fulltime work. So, I went part time, but that too was proving to be too much. I had to learn to pace myself and I HATED it. It used to be I had 2 speeds, full tilt and stopped, now I’m lucky to be 1/2 pace and even then I have to careful not to over do it. My last surgery was in 2013 and still today I have some chronic bad symptoms and still I can’t work. That word ‘Frustration’ ohh, that doesn’t even come close to explaining it all.
In my personal opinion, if you’re constantly feeling overwhelmed, that’s not good. Are you able to have a discussion about your hours with your employer? Some workplaces may be able to accommodate. There may also be outpatient services such as occupational therapists that maybe able to assist making plans to assist.
Let’s face it, this has been a MASSIVE shock to the whole of you, it certainly was for me and although I’d tried to deal with it all on my own. The mental side of things was HUGE and I needed to ask for help from a psychologist/counsellor to try and deal with it all. This was one of the best things I could have done. It helped me to accept (somewhat) where I’m at today.
@Karmy I ruptured and had a 26 day stay in NSICU, returning to work wasn’t an option for me and I missed it dearly, still do at times. Like you, I was raised with a strong work ethic. Instead of identifying myself with things like hobbies, etc, my identification was based on my profession. It’s been a learning curve.
Some jobs, like teaching, the medical field or Social Work are callings I believe and it’s hard to turn our backs to what we feel compelled to do. It’s interesting that all those fields also have a high burn out rate I think. If you feel teaching is still your calling but are overwhelmed with it all, perhaps a cognitive therapist can help you. Maybe write a list of pros and cons being honest in things like more time to regroup, cost of insurance, etc can help you decide if you haven’t done so as yet. And I was thinking whilst doing a chore just now that maybe tutoring would be a viable option if you still hold a love for your profession. The other thought I had was we all need to do what is best for us, which is something that those who go into a helping field rarely do.
All the best and like you, I’m looking forward to other members input.
On 02/09/2012 I had a 5.5 mm aneurysm rupture in my brain. I was in the hospital for 6 weeks. Had coiling surgery to fix the rupture and another one that was discovered. Also had eye surgeries to restore my sight. I was off work for 3 months. Then went back to work part time for 6 mos. Then returned to full time work after that. I worked 5 years and retired Nov 2017. I was 56 when I had the rupture. I was a claims examiner for the state unemployment office. The decision ultimately is yours to make.Best of luck to you.