One other thing I would like to talk about right before surgery I said to God if I have a purpose I will survive this, if not please welcome me to your home. As you know I survived and I do have a purpose don’t know what it is yet but I’m getting there
It is absolutely okay to talk about God, I’m moving your desire to our Support tab, so we can and follow our guidelines!
Thank you!
Dawn if you don’t like the title, you can change it, if you can’t, let me know and I’ll change it to whatever you want. We have members from all walks of life and some don’t believe in a Higher Power and we try very hard not to offend anyone.
I pray to God every time I have a procedure. I didn’t get the opportunity to do it when I ruptured as I was quite out of it. I always ask Him to watch over and be with my Neurosurgeon, provide her with a steady hand and clear mind. I also ask Him to watch over and be with her team. It’s always worked out well for the most part, there’s been a couple of hiccups but I’m still here. My Neurosurgeon has told me on more than one occasion I am her miracle of miracles as there’s no medical reason I survived. I just tell her I didn’t read that book. Her reply is always, I had to throw those books away with you. Apparently I challenged everything she had learned lol.
When the NSICU RNs allowed me to have my phone, they taught me about Pandora. I was asking God the same question through all the pain laying there in a bed I wasn’t allowed out of and connected to many wires and an IV or two. Each time I woke up I heard the Soldier and the Oak The Soldier and the Oak - YouTube. I knew my brain wasn’t functioning as it always had but I also knew things could get better, I’d been trained this way having been a Psych major and eventually a Social Worker in Child Protective Services. I knew my purpose quite well - help others. I knew I couldn’t work anymore but that took a couple of years to understand.
We have friends, family and acquaintances that are very religious in different religious organizations from Jewish, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu the list is pretty long. They all know I don’t believe in organized religion but I do have a strong belief in my spirituality and God, and that due to my being raised in a Christian faith, I lean a bit heavily on Christianity and the Bible. We have a friend that’s a Pentecostal preacher and he said, you’ll figure it out one day, his best friend was also a friend of BH and when he was dying he told me God has a plan for you and I said, I’d figured that part out, I just sure wish he’d let me in on it. It’s the not knowing that bothers me most. He told me not to give up, I’d learn it one day. I told him come find me in the pasture when it’s my time. I’ll be the one drinking tea and playing with all my animals. He just stared at me. I thought I’d said something to offend him and explained I didn’t want to go to heaven if I couldn’t be on the land and playing with all the animals I have loved. Little did I know that being in the pasture was one of his favorite Bible verses until his memorial service. His wife told me the email I first sent and our monthly conversations helped him a lot when he learned the cancer couldn’t be beat.
Then last year, we finally found a place we both liked on a bit of land which is what I wanted and a really nice shop. All for less than it would take to build a shop on the property we had. We knew it needed some work and hired a handyman. Mr. Curley happens to have his PhD in theology. He once had a church, but the wealthy members started telling him what to preach on and that he shouldn’t preach on some things. So he did what any sane person would do in my opinion and quit. Yet years later it still upset him. We had a nice talk about it sitting on a couple of buckets with his wife with us at lunch time. Like most ministers, he watched his congregation, helped when needed and gave sermons after praying and figuring out what was needed. He said God always guided him, he could feel it. I asked if he did the same before he quit and he said of course he did. I asked if he felt God guided him to quit and he said he was sure of it. I suggested if he felt God led him to brush the dirt off his feet and walk away then wasn’t that His purpose? Mr. Curley shed a couple of tears and hugged me. He’s one of those people that don’t cry but he always gives good hugs. Ms Judy shared that people had been trying to tell him the same thing for years. I said he probably wasn’t ready to listen and understand. She said maybe, but no one put it as bluntly as you just did. I can be pretty blunt now but I can’t stop it, it just comes out of my mouth.
Then this year, we were sitting on lawn chairs and discussing when we could move into the house. Repair after repair was needed, much more than we thought. I was helping as much as I could with Mr. Curley and Ms. Judy watching over me, telling me to take a break, take my medicine, eat, drink water, etc. I was laying one of those click it floors upstairs in the shop and Mr. Curley came up to check on me. I must’ve been staring off into space and he asked if I was okay. I said, no sir, I don’t know my purpose anymore. He said your purpose hasn’t changed, what’s your favorite passage in the Bible, I said the eleventh commandment, he grinned and said you still do that with most everyone you meet. I said not with the mudders, being still upset with my reaction to their actions. He laughed and said well that was certainly a hiccup but you figured it out. So with Mr. Curley’s help, I figured out my purpose hadn’t changed, the way I do it has, I just needed help recognizing it. Maybe you’re the same, maybe your purpose hasn’t changed at all, just the way you do it. Whatever it is, keep the eleventh commandment in mind, do it with love!
Your story really touched me my husband and we actually had tears in our eyes thank you for your story and response . Maybe I do know what my purpose is I’m a good person and I like to help people I cook for the needy and the sick and I try to be nice to everyone. My motto is treat people the way you would like to be treated. Thank you again for your touching story!
Absolutely! Your motto is a really good one and I think we should all try it every day. It’s a good reminder to treat ourselves well too. Sometimes we are more patient with others than with ourselves. If we can’t learn to be patient with ourselves how can we do it with others?
That is so correct and your last line really hit home made me think I I do do a lot for people but I don’t do a lot for me wow
Sorry, but I’ve got to butt in here: Doing it with others is really, REALLY easy. I can be patient with others because I cannot and do not have any control over them nor their behaviours. I can suggest, I can direct, but that’s the limits of my control.
But ‘Me’, well, I’m in control of me and when I can’t ‘do’, my frustration builds quickly. Frustration with self I find more difficult to accept because it’s on me to change. I seem to be able to accept others limitation, but my own… …OHH HELL NO!!! I’m my own worst critic at times.
Merl from the Modsupport Team
You hit the nail right on the head with that statement made me sit back think and I actually had my husband read it out loud it really sunk in you are so correct I am my worst enemy I got to change that thanks for your comment!
Merl, You can butt in anytime! I look at it as a work in progress….as long as we all keep trying is what’s important. I’m not always in control of me now, there was a time though. I was never then nor now in control of others it’s a lesson we all learn isn’t it? We can encourage, support but never control others.
Dr. Gary taught me something I found helpful. He’d known me for years in my last profession. He asked me what if I was one of my clients, how would I respond and what encouragement would I give? It took me a long time to answer, I never answered him, it was supposed to get me to thinking and remembering. I eventually knew how I would respond, on some days I forget the answer and have to learn it all over again. It sort of boils down to respect. I never found it difficult to respect others, but myself…to give me some leniency and encouragement, that’s a different story. But I keep trying
It took me 20 years to understand what my purpose God had for me to remain on this earth. I realized that my purpose is to tell my testimony of God’s miraculous methods of healing. I am single…have been since 1996. I have heard God tell me that I will never remarry. That was a very hard pill to swallow, but I accepted it. If I were to have a man in my life, then that man would be a distraction in my purpose of life that God has for me. I am to live the remainder of my days alone. These may not be what God has planned for you, but I’m certain that’s what He wants for my life.
Isn’t it great when we have figured out the plan and purpose? I believe everyone has a different role to play, but everyone who has survived a rupture can all identify with the miracle of it all.
I continue to fulfil my purpose by aligning my career using my true talents to heal and serve others with gratitude for miracle of life .
I love this topic. I often wonder my purpose. I try not to question God especially since he saw fit to keep me here. I think some days I have survivors guilt. There were so many windows for my to collapse alone or while behind the wheel but I was truly in the right place at the right time. He must have something planned for all of us.
He must I so agree!