Him Michele,
I see you spell your name as another Michele here who is having her surgery tomorrow. You can pray for her as well as I will be. Thanks for posting. You're a Christian I see, same here. I don't know what is going on with me and my faith through all of this? I find myself more angry and frightened and alone in this not strengthened or assured or at peace. That's not a good thing. I can't explain it except to say it is what it is. I'm just pissed off and am certainly thrown for a loop. I've been tested and tested and very sick for over a year with many other symptoms, conditions, constant dr. appts, tests, diagnosis, nausea, pain, a lot of weight loss, unable to eat even 200 calories a day, days and days and sometimes weeks in bed or on the couch, weak, dizzy, losing many days with my husband and children, and even grandchildren, friends, just life in general. I also suffer from severe ptsd and bipolar, neither of which I feel are correctly understood. I tend to run more on the depression side, not the hypomanic which would give me some well needed energy. It felt like God and my family were giving up on me, and so was I. I got better sort of and had a few fairly good months during the summer, had my gardens, vegie and flowers, went to the gym, a few long weekends away; however, still with intermittent days of the same. Diagnosed with gastroperisis and still with other unrelated issues, I had to change my lifestyle and diet severely, landed in the ER several times, kept GI appts going, then saw an ENT, on to a neurologist and got diagnosed with the aneurysms in August. (Sorry for such a long post, I got rambling) Apparently, no dr. thinks any of this is related to the annies so I'm probably facing more of the same symptoms/illnesses to come back at any time. I fear my husband will get sick of this, I hate being sick. I know it could be A LOT worse, people go through more trials than this. I wish through all of this my faith had held strong and endured but along with no one of faith to be in my life at the time, and constant struggling on a daily basis, I'm not proud to say I don't totally trust that I'll be ok, or that He'll be there. It's not a good feeling as I go into surgery. I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of living and not being myself after, and left with only partial eyesight. Maybe I'll get a jolt from above before Tuesday morning.
So, feel free to pray all you want. I'm on the prayer chain at the First Baptist Church of Hudson too. Oh, and welcome neighbor, you are close. My daughter and some extended family live in Londonderry. My daughter also teaches in Pelham. A woman I've been put in touch with who's had the surgery with Dr. Du at Brigham and Women's as well, called me to tell about her experience. She works at a pharmacy right here in Manchester. I'll call her tomorrow. I'm sure that will help and is very kind of her.
So, bye for now.
Jeannine