Brain Aneurysm Support Community

Two days left until surgery

Some serious countdown now. Went to a college football game today with my husband and son. Froze my butt off but had a good time. At least I think I did. I was just sitting here thinking about the day and the game and realized I can't remember a lot about the game. I was watching, I could see the game, I could hear my husband and son speaking together, I could see the cheerleaders, I could smell the amazing french fries, i could see the beautiful blue sky and the sun, and yet my thoughts were on the surgery, how scared I am of having the surgery, how awful it is waiting, what it will be like when I wake up, how I have 2 days left with my head in one piece and will I be the same person after it's all done?

Thank God I can come here and say this and know everyone will get it, they've been there, are there, or have been there. There's encouragement and support, a connection, and, of course, there's the ones who are just as afraid as I am right now.

Jeannine

Hi Jeannine,

Sending you my best wishes that all goes well, and that everything is a total success.

Wishing you well,

Susa

Jeannine - You will get through this! Just think, a week ago you were crazy scared and you've come from then until now and you're still standing, still fighting! You got past the fear to make the call to demand the surgery be scheduled so that is proof you can conquer that fear! You will get through it and figure it all out and come out the other side. We are all here thinking of you and wishing you the best! Lean on your family and lean on us when you need to. We are all in your corner!

Thanks Wendy and Susa. You're right, a week ago I was crazy with fear and now I'm here and I've survived. Hopefully, by next week I'll be right here in my home with surgery behind me. In my minds eye, I can see myself with the incision and it scares the hell out of me. How am I going to feel when I look in the mirror that first time? And now I'm worried about the anesthesia and how that doctor has my life in his hands for many hours and I don't even know this man.

I think I probably shouldn't even go there right now. It's only going to make me more afraid. I just have to get through 2 more whole days then one awful morning waking up and driving to Boston for surgery. A few more hours getting ready and saying goodbye and then the waiting is done. It's been a horrible 3 months. I really hope and pray everything goes well.

It's been a long journey, hasn't it? And it's soooo scary. I walked around in a complete distracted fog the week before my surgery. The worry and agitation is just exhausting.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you positive energy. You're almost there and so happy for you that you'll be feeling relief very soon. Best of luck!

Jeanine, you are going to come through this! Look how much stronger you have become in the last few weeks. Keep positive thoughts and of course, remember to breath:). Hugs are wonderful as well!

Hi Jeanine!,keep praying and we will too. Keep your mind busy with whatever distracts you from the scary thoughts, like reading, puzzles,tv. Think positive. Try breathing exercises and meditation. One lady envisioned the faces of her loved ones as she waited on the gurney. I went into total denial and "transported" myself to my happy place on the beach, this technique was taught to me during chemo and I tried it pre surgery, much to my surprise it worked!! I envisioned sea gulls the sights and sounds of the surf etc etc, imagination is a wonderful tool, tc xoxo~~

Good luck on tues Jeannine! We will get through this! Prayers to you and your family, and just remember to think positive!

Michele Iaconellie,

Good Luck to you too. I'm thinking you won't be reading this until after your surgery. Just think the next time we write we'll both be done with surgery. Yay. I'll be thinking of you at your mom's house recovering too.

I'll be thinking of you all day Monday, and will keep a candle lit for you when I'm home. I plan on going out for awhile to pass the day.

Today, we had lunch with friends then went to the mall to get a few new sweaters for the winter. Then it was time for football and I cleaned and cleaned until eleven pm. Thought of you while cleaning.

Until after surgery,

Jeannine

Kit34, Moultroub, and ronk,

Thank you again for your kinds words of encouragement. I'll need them. Today I got through, of course. One more day. Al and I have some minor errands and a few chores to do and I think we'll get them all done. I can't believe it, the last day and I did almost everything on my list.

We're having a special dinner then hopefully in bed early and able to sleep.

Jeannine

Hi Jeannine; you won't be the same after this surgery is behind you; you'll be that much better & even stronger because of it :-)! I was as scared as you the days before my scheduled surgery for my AVM; so I can certainly relate to all that you are feeling. I will be storming Heaven in Prayer for YOU and for God to Bless the hands of your Surgeon so that he/she will perform your surgery with His ease & Perfection...and for God to shower YOU and Your family with Blessings of Comfort & Peace in the hours leading to your surgery.

You got this Girl ❤ Oh and I see that you are right next door to me in Londonderry; I am your neighbor in Windham, NH!

Michele

Him Michele,

I see you spell your name as another Michele here who is having her surgery tomorrow. You can pray for her as well as I will be. Thanks for posting. You're a Christian I see, same here. I don't know what is going on with me and my faith through all of this? I find myself more angry and frightened and alone in this not strengthened or assured or at peace. That's not a good thing. I can't explain it except to say it is what it is. I'm just pissed off and am certainly thrown for a loop. I've been tested and tested and very sick for over a year with many other symptoms, conditions, constant dr. appts, tests, diagnosis, nausea, pain, a lot of weight loss, unable to eat even 200 calories a day, days and days and sometimes weeks in bed or on the couch, weak, dizzy, losing many days with my husband and children, and even grandchildren, friends, just life in general. I also suffer from severe ptsd and bipolar, neither of which I feel are correctly understood. I tend to run more on the depression side, not the hypomanic which would give me some well needed energy. It felt like God and my family were giving up on me, and so was I. I got better sort of and had a few fairly good months during the summer, had my gardens, vegie and flowers, went to the gym, a few long weekends away; however, still with intermittent days of the same. Diagnosed with gastroperisis and still with other unrelated issues, I had to change my lifestyle and diet severely, landed in the ER several times, kept GI appts going, then saw an ENT, on to a neurologist and got diagnosed with the aneurysms in August. (Sorry for such a long post, I got rambling) Apparently, no dr. thinks any of this is related to the annies so I'm probably facing more of the same symptoms/illnesses to come back at any time. I fear my husband will get sick of this, I hate being sick. I know it could be A LOT worse, people go through more trials than this. I wish through all of this my faith had held strong and endured but along with no one of faith to be in my life at the time, and constant struggling on a daily basis, I'm not proud to say I don't totally trust that I'll be ok, or that He'll be there. It's not a good feeling as I go into surgery. I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of living and not being myself after, and left with only partial eyesight. Maybe I'll get a jolt from above before Tuesday morning.

So, feel free to pray all you want. I'm on the prayer chain at the First Baptist Church of Hudson too. Oh, and welcome neighbor, you are close. My daughter and some extended family live in Londonderry. My daughter also teaches in Pelham. A woman I've been put in touch with who's had the surgery with Dr. Du at Brigham and Women's as well, called me to tell about her experience. She works at a pharmacy right here in Manchester. I'll call her tomorrow. I'm sure that will help and is very kind of her.

So, bye for now.

Jeannine