I know longer feel I know myself. I’ve become tangled in the downward spiral of depression and anxiety once again. I’ve not seen a Dr in the best part of a yr, I cancelled my surgery consultation last minute but I never told anyone I’d even recieved the appointment. My surgeon doesn’t understand my mental health, doesn’t seem to care or even try to connect with me.
I’m scared and alone. If I have the surgery then life could be very different but what if I choose not to have the surgery? What do I do, wait to die?
I know my rationale isn’t great atm but i know this much, I’m scared. I want my old life back. I want to feel again. I want the depression to lift and I want to go back in time to when these ann’s weren’t part of me.
I can’t speak to family or friends, they don’t understand and I can’t be strong for them anymore as when I mention it they all crumble.
Please, if someone reads this please reach out to me because I really need you to right now. I’m feel so out of control and alone.
Lindsay , I am going through the exact same thing as you at this time .. the very same emotions .. and also feeling very alone .. because I am the strong one ... or at least pretend to be .. the one who lets on ..its all going to be fine ..I have 2 aneurysms . 1 paraopthalmic behind my left eye and 1 on my MCA both aprox 6 mm and i am waiting surgery ..well i actually chose to have coiling & stent instead of the big craniotomy as I was terrified .. i seen 1 surgeon who wanted to do craniotomy and attempt both aneurysms at the same time .. but when i went for another opinion to look into coiling ... that specialist said that its to dangerous to touch that aneurysm and if i have the other surgeon do the craniotomy and attempt it , i would have a massive stroke on the table ..so a 2nd opinion made things even scarier for me .. so I opted to have the one behind my eye coiled & stent .. and leave the other for now ?? :( and still every second unsure of my decision and terrified of the outcome .. so i completely understand you fear , depression ,anxiety and pretending to be strong when you feel so helpless, scared and wanting your life back :( I have been put off work since they found the aneurysms .. so my life has drastically changed .. ( no longer have an income ) i work in nursing , in a hospital with a very heavy patient load ..and not allowed to do the physical aspects of my job , and may never be able to again ..even after surgery ..since i will still have 1 aneurysm on my middle cerebral artery .. i have a nursing background and I am the one who takes care of people .. I am the Strong one .. I am 43 have the most adorable 3 yr old grandson and a daughter & son in law .. and my son 20yrs who lives home with me .. so around them I have to be strong and maintain normal ..i have a husband who basically lives in another province .. ( supposed to be working away but only comes home every 2 or 3 months if there is something "social" going on that he has an interest in) was very rocky marriage prior to my medical condition and has only gotten wore .. so he is not supportive , has never been home or come to any of my many apts and often dont even ask how my apts went .. not to mention the financial part .. that his income is his .. and he will tell me if i can have a" few bucks " ect .. I wish I had some words of wisdome for you or anything to make it easier .. all i can say is ..that i completely understand .. i am feeling all the same emotions ..including anger .. and from what i have read on this site as well as another i am on .. many people seem to go through alot of the same emotions ? i guess some days are much better than others and we need to take it one day at a time as its overwhelming to say the least .. I wish you the best and I hope things get a bit easier to handle for you very soon ..
You are not alone in your decision to be on hold. I found out in March about my 8mm aneurysm, but since I have another problem I decided that I could not rush into surgery. No one was interested in the possible complications from my other health issue which has made me feel less confident in the medical community.
You really should arrange another consult just to get information so you can do your own research and ask questions here. You need to be informed to make an informed decision.
Hello Lindsay, I was scared too sweetie, I struggled with the ideal of surgery for awhile. I felt like a time bomb and that scared me more, so I decided to go for it, I am a 3 months survivor. I suffered 2 TIA's during my clipping of the aneurysm procesure and woke with aplasyia ( could not talk right my words did not come out right I called my husband purple, purpose and cereal for 3 days lol) but it is slowly coming back. I am back at work doing things I thought I never would again, road trips with my husband on the Harley, a beach trip, walking in Brain Aneurysm Awareness events, so darn proud of me, I have lots of support from my family and friends. I do not feel the same for sure, I get tired very easy and often confused about things, and a little trouble with my emotions. But I am alive and very determined so it may be a while but I will be back. THANK GOD!!!!!
I will say a prayer for you to find strength to make your decision!
Lindsay...please accept y apologies for being so slow in connecting...these decisions can be so difficult;
I have been so involved (entrenched) in some research....
and today I did post elsewhere to search online: strokeSTOP Module 3
It is t is information on our cerebral arteries and the areas/parts they supply ...
It gives a lot of information which I so hope will be helpful in making decisions ...and, questions to ask the doctors on specifics... for making the procedural decision and then for recovery symptoms/issues...post- procedure...
Prayers for your best decisions...
Hi Lindsay,
I was diagnosed in May 2011 with two brain aneurysms and I was terrified. I chose to clip both of them, and I didn't want to waste any time! My first surgery was June 6 of that year and I had the second clipping weeks later on July 13. They were both behind my temples. I took 3 months off of work and got right back into my normal life. I am 53 years old. I have two daughters in their twenties and a wonderful husband who are very supportive but I couldn't discuss it with them because I had to be strong for everyone which wasn't easy. I had a wonderful surgeon who laid out all of my options and I didn't hesitate to get it done. Maybe you could meet with your doctor and listen to your options. Life is like it used to be for me, the only differences are minor, somewhat positive, and I'm happy with that! It's a tough thing to go through but for me its all behind me and I am happy! I wish you the best!
Lisa