I totally would like to know what the results of her research are. That would be so interesting to participate in research. Will you let us know the results when you get them @Moltroub?
I really love reading the goals that others have set for themselves. Personally, my career has been one of the most exciting parts of my life⌠I am in the Navy. My dream, and I was in training for, is to be the Captain of a ship. I am still adjusting to what my body needs and can do, I have noticed that I am very sensitive to noise and I also have issues with balance and dizziness (I hope that as we play around with my medications I will be better with blood pressure, etcâŚ). I realize as I go on that the Navy is probably not going to let me go to sea again, there are too many risks at sea with not enough care. I am trying to get myself excited for staying in DC and doing a more desk oriented job. That can still be fulfilling? New me is hard to understand, old me was around for so much longer. I also cannot wait to start being more physical again, I was at my prime when this happened⌠running, rowing, the works⌠the brakes locking up on me in that arena has really been hard to comprehend and work withâŚ
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I love how you phrased this⌠I have had a really hard time both understanding that I was moments from death, stopped breathing more than once and my family was standing in an ICU room actually making decisions about what to do and if I will survive. I have no memory of anything in the hospital which both terrifies me and also makes me a little numb to the âalmost died,â thought process. It has hit me a lot harder recently as doctors and my family have told me stories of what happened to me when I first had my rupture and the following days/week. The neurosurgeon has told me more than once that I am âa miracleâ for surviving the seriousness of my rupture. I collapsed in a crowded place, the ambulance was minutes away, the ER was only a couple more minutes, they quickly could see it was brain bleed oriented and I was transferred quickly to a bigger hospital, the staff there had no obstacles and focused on me through very lengthy procedures⌠it all lined up in my favor. It makes me ask, why me? My husband tells me that I have big things to do still⌠My family tells me that everything happens for a reasonâŚ, I am seeing a counselor now to work through some of these things. I am honored to still be here but I still have to wonder, whyâŚ
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@Suszanne
It sounds you have a plan on how you can get back to the activities. Perhaps playing golf would take some longer time to achieve. Small steps forward will hopefully make the trick.
Good luck 
@JonAndrewA
Thank you for writing this. I believe that most of us who had a rupture share the same feelings. I donât have any history of family members with aneurysms, Iâm the first one. I was lucky to talk to my oldest son on the phone when the rupture happened and the thunderclap headache kicked in, my two sons lives overseas and I remember that I told my son to quickly call my husband, who was at work and tell my husband that I needed an ambulance ASAP. I also remember that I told him that I will lay down on the floor inside the entrance door and try to unlock the door. The last thing I remember is that I was thinking âif I lay down on the floor, Iâm going to dieâ because my head hurt so much. I was vomiting and after this I have very few memories from the following two weeks. I was told that I was awake when my husband and the first responders came to our house, but I donât remember anything about it. My husband has told me that he made separate phone calls from the hospital to my three grownup children when we had a diagnosis, and I was told that I could talk to them and I said goodbyeâŚ
. I donât remember anything about that either.What a terrible experience for them and my husband. I donât remember the life flight to the larger hospital with the helicopter eitherâŚâŚ.
I a only have just a few snippets of memories from the time in the ICU. I also was sent home with a lot of pills that should be taken around the clock to adjust the salt imbalance in my brain, I had to set the alarm at 3am to swallow the pills , it was awful!
I started to slowly put the pieces together by reading my medical chart and all the messages I sent from the hospital to my family members. I can see from the messages when the vasospasm started to kick in, and when that problem was solved. It helped me to understand what happened.
In my mother county, the ICU nurses writes a diary in laymanâs terms for the patients that they give them when they are discharged. Especially important for those who are unconscious and on a ventilator. I know that it helps many people to process what happened. I wish this would be the golden standard here in the USA too.
I have still some moments when I look at the carpet by our entrance door and the PTSD takes me back to that day, but it doesnât happen that very often any longer.
This forum has also been a great help, and slowly getting back to a more normal life, to replace the bad with something more normal.
I hope you will recover from this trauma and slowly be better and come back to your new life.
It seems to me that my post has struck a cord among many members, we stared death in the eyes and we said âno, not me, not now, I have more things to doâ
Blessings to all of us 
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Yes maâam, I might reach out to Ms. Ryann, the NP for my Neurosurgoen and ask her if she knowsâŚ
I think all of us that have ruptured want to know why we survived. With 26 days in ICU and 21 of them having vasospasms, I saw a lot of other patients in NSICU not make it, mostly on Tuesdays which still befuddles me, BH was told for 23 days that I may not make it through the night. About two years after I ruptured and my brain wasnât a black void, I decided I have some work to do for someone and so Iâm not finished yet. The more my brain heals, the more I can do. The wonderful thing to me is that I now donât ignore the âlittle things in lifeâ I take great pleasure in them. There are so many that they fill my day.
I still chuckle after all these years when the EMT Lt was taking off my pants as I was being loaded into the ambulance and asked me âDonât I know you from somewhere?â I didnât tell him we had responded to a child fatality the week before and have been on many cases together over the yearsđ. The last thing I remember was telling the paramedics to stop trying to out a needle in me and get me to the hospital which by then was less than a mile away. I have no memory of the first ER but I understand it took them about four or five hours to stabilize me enough for my first helicopter ride. I woke up when they were loading me in and then again about halfway through the ride. I woke up several times that night telling the doctors BH had my medical POA and that I wanted to make sure my organs were donated. They kept telling me they werenât going to talk about it. I have a lot of memories from my stay in NSICU and though my Neurosurgeon did do the procedure and all the subsequent orders, I believe it to be the RNs that kept me alive to see the next day. They do an incredible job and Iâm eternally grateful to them.
Remember that this is a marathon of healing, not a sprint. You are well on your way and doing an awesome job of it! I do understand life on a ship is different than on land and medical issues can be compromised on the ship. I do believe you will make Captain, maybe one day even Admiral! Jon, you have the universe in your hands and can take advantage of everything that comes your way. Keep up the good fight!
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Congratulations!! My 5 year was on October 13thâŚand like you, this site is a major part of my recovery. Especially people like you sharing their story and knowing we all share this experience - different but together!
I agree with relating everything in life as the before the burst and after the burstâŚand I too -feel the emotional part was difficult to bypass. One thing I have learned, everyoneâs recovery time is different, people handle trauma different, people heal differentâŚour stories are similar but our process diiffers⌠and that is okay. We live & we learn
From one survivor to another, I am glad you are here
Head up - we got this
Linda
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Our stories sound familiar. My son was in his room sleeping that morning, my brother lived me to remain sober. All I remember is waking at 7 am to run to the bathroom, I felt the worse hangover ever (without alcohol) and my brother luckily woke at the same time to pee. I remember saying I need to go to the bathroom first and he stood back. I go in, I try to vomit, and the last thing I yelled was God I want to die. That was it. Apparently that was when my brother woke my son and said you need to get in the bathroom, something is wrong with your mom. My son said when he kicked in the door, I was on the floor - face against the cold tile - eyes closedâŚbut mumbling. He claims I was saying something about 3 men coming to get me. I have no recollection. Next thing I remember was waking up in the Hospital with my entire family around me and a surgeon trying to tell me what had happened âŚ3 aneurisms, 1 burst, 2 to tend to at a later timeâŚOH and how lucky I am to be alive - and I owe my life to my son
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Thank you so much for the reply⌠It is still a process for me to learn more about what happened when I had my rupture. My husband and mother have a hard time with some of the memories. I am grateful that my husband is a very active member on social media and he logged a day by day account of what happened after he got the âThis is very bad, get up here ASAP,â from my best friend. I still cringe thinking about itâŚ
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