So many questions

General
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My boyfriend went into the hospital on March 17th because of a horrible headache, I thought it was just a migraine the only symptom I did not know was a stiff neck means it is an aneurysm. I'm 8 months pregnant and I am just having a hard time going through this with him. We were planning on getting married April 5th but I don't think he will be out of the hospital by then. He is still so very confused and he's being mean I know it's not him but I'm also very scared. I just need support because I don't know where else to go.
He was always stubborn anyways and mean but I could be mean right back before this now I just cry it doesn't help that I have so many hormones right now. Does anyone know how long it will take for him to stop just being mean or will this be what he's like it's only been 2 weeks. I miss him so much and I'm so scared that he's going to miss out on our son being born and I just don't know what to do.
Any advice or just support or stories at this moment is going to help.

Heidi

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Tough Sitation. It know it took months before I really had my mobility, memory problems, balance, confusion etc back. I was told I was also very short tempered and angry in the hospital. Now - mostly normal. Did your boyfriend rupture?

Try to remain optimistic and remeber to take of yourself too.

1 Like
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Hi Heidi,

I can't say I know exactly what your boyfriend is going through, but I had an aneurysm coiled and had two stents also because the aneurysm was wide at the bottom and needed the stents to hold it in.

I had a few headaches when I was in the hospital, and a few after along with occular migraines (which are not usually painful, but come along with strange visual symptoms at the same time)

My husband was not very supportive, and after I came out of recovery he seemed antsy so I told him to go back to work. (which is where he wanted to be anyway)

My point is, I feel angry, and don't know why, I feel depressed also and am not sure why. I also don't seem to have any emotional feelings of love or anything and I'm not sure why that is either. My aneurysm didn't rupture or bleed and it was operated on successfully. But I have all these unusual feelings or lack thereof that I don't recall having before.

I know I need support and someone to talk to. Maybe your boyfriend does too and he has no idea who to talk to or he doesn't know how to ask for help.

Maybe he can talk to the hospital Chaplain??

I hope you find some peace, I know it's difficult because of the situation you are in. Ask his doctor if he thinks he will ever be the same, if I were you I'd want to know that ask soon as possible. Maybe there is swelling in his brain that has to go down, there can be a lot of reasons for his actions.

We care, I just want you to know that.

I'll be praying for you.

Carolyn

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I'm trying to remain optimistic, I know I have to take this one day at a time. I'm just hoping that he stops being so angry because that's what's hard. I believe his did not rupture it just leaked but I don't know. Apparently there was a lot of blood in there and he went into vasospasms twice they had to angio the vessels in his brain, it did cause a small stroke and I am not sure where at yet. I have barely seen the doctors enough to ask them more questions and when they do come in they just say there's no way to know if he will get better or not. I know time will just tell. It's just hard because he's going to miss so much it's hard.

Thank you

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I'm trying so hard to be supportive of him and help him he gets so angry with me. I am not trying to baby him and that's what he was accusing me of today. I know he's still very confused he can't even tell he is in a hospital which is why I've been there every day trying to talk to him and just be around him. I know once he really figures out and sometimes he does know and is very depressed and embarassed about everything. I try to reassure him that it's ok and he just needs the help now so he can get better. I don't know if he is at the point of needing someone to talk to yet because he doesn't know what's really wrong yet. The nurses and doctors come and talk to him and he doesn't understand everything. I just know that today I wasn't doing anything and he just yelled at me so the nurse asked me to leave it's just very hard because I want to be there with him but I cannot be.

As for asking the doctors they say there's no way to know if he will be the same ever or not. With a brain injury there really is no way to ever know except with time. I just feel lost without him right now and I have so many questions I just figured that finding other's with this having happened to them it might help me to understand more. I know this is not him right now being so mean I just don't know if that's how he is going to be forever or if this is just an initial stage of the injury. I know he's still in the ICU because they are still making sure he does not have any further vasospasms and so the blood in his brain is not gone yet so I don't know if this is why he's acting like this or not.

Thank you for your prayers.

Heidi

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Hang in there, take some time off from the hospital, it is so true you always hurt the one you love, but you need to take care of yourself and the baby. Let the nurses deal with him and they can report to the Dr.hat they are dealing with, lot easier on you too! If you stay there all the time, you get worn out and won't be there when he needs you. Mean? yeah I can say I get really mean, pissed off that I knock things over, cry alot, get emotional, you name it! My headaches are less intense now, but I am so very tired. You well get through this, it well take time, it is a major change in both of your lives, and it is a long road. You do not want to be around violence so if that happens, better to a nurse than you! he well appreciate you more if you are not always there, and men are mean when they are sick no matter what!

I hope you take care of yourself, he has all of us to bitch at and get angry with, and I am sure he well! You came to the right place, we have all talked about the anger, and then you add that you get NO sleep in the ICU, you don't know anything or understand anything, it is just so freaking hard. I got so pissed at my husband because he was sick and I wanted him with me in ICU and he wasn''t taking care of himself (like eating) I got even more pissed off! I would just tell him to get out of there and I would just cry, but I felt like shit anyway, my head was busting, no pain med was working and I was tired of being tired.

So there it is, get some rest, take a break, take care of yourself, take care of the baby, put the wedding on hold, limit your time with him, when he starts being mena tell him you are leaving! Make an appointment with the Dr. and sit down and talk in a few days, but first, REST BREATH make a list of your questions and start asking when you feel better!

Prayers and Love to you, we are here for you!

Beverly

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It is so hard not to go see him... I have stopped myself from even looking up the phone number for the ICU that he is in because I know if I have it I will just call it every 5 minutes. I just miss him so much and I need him back but I know that it's going to take time to really get him back if he even does come back to me. I'm trying so hard to deal with this but I just start crying all the time I'm trying to take care of me and the baby and I know the nurses are taking good care of him I just miss him and I don't know how to be without him and I'm just so scared that he's not going to want to come back home... I'm not going to lie we weren't perfect I don't know who is but he has been saying how unhappy he is and I don't know if he is lying or if it's just to get me to go away... He wanted to get married and it's just hard... I'm trying to keep it together but I'm falling apart

Heidi

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Hiya...not much advice...because he was mean before annie...not sure I understand that...or if he has anger problems...but you seem to have alot of doubts...so may I suggest...you ask to see the Hospital social worker...and tell him/her everything you just told us...and see how they can help you and him...

Unfortunately...your boyfriend has a long journey...and he may not be able to be the biggest help for a long time...and it will have to be something you need to accept...because he can't control...alot of what is going on with him right now...

Good luck to you...sending some prayers your way...colleen

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He did have anger problems before but he wasn't really mean just stubborn and it was nothing that I couldn't deal with before but now he's just being mean so I'm hoping it is just because of this initial part with him being confused and not feeling well. I have seen the chaplin at the hospital many times because I am always in there crying they send her in to talk to me but I have yet to see many of the doctors except the days he had surgery and they aren't really telling me much I think that is partly to do because I'm not married to him i'm just his girlfriend...

I don't care if he can help at all I just hope that he will be able to remember the baby and not be upset and angry all the time. I know he's hurting and I know he's having a hard time with everything but I just don't know what to do to help him he doesn't want help because he's so stubborn...

Thank you for the prayers they are appreciated...

Heidi