Hello good people. My name is Wayne. My girlfriend had a ruptured aneurysm about 5 weeks ago. Actually we haven’t been talking in months, I assume we were broken up. But she left a message to me telling me about what happened. I was devastated. She was in Lenox hill hospital. The rupture was in a bad spot. At the base of the brain. It was a vessel feeding blood to the spine. They tried to give her meds to make her blood clot, to seal the leak. But it didn’t work. She went in for surgery last week. They tried to clip it, but her vein was very hard due to calcium deposits. Finally they put a “sleeve” around it. Not sure what the medical term is for that.
I love her so much, and it kills me that she is in lots of pain. She is depressed and worried she won’t be able to do the same things she used to. I live in Connecticut, so it’s difficult for me to see her as much as I want.
They moved her to a different hospital for rehab. Amazing! After a few days from surgery! So I guess I can think of that as a positive?
But I’m worried about something. When I FaceTime her, she seems tired, out of it, and lacking emotions. Does anyone know something about this? I know they have been giving her meds for the pain. Can anyone address this or give me advice? I love her and I want to do the best for her.
Wayne
Hey Wayne,
Welcome to Ben’s Friends.
Her tiredness? That’s fairly normal and I agree, the medications only worsen that tiredness. For me, my emotions were all over the place and at times were disproportionate for the situation ie I could be on the verge of tears over silly things and rage over the smallest indiscretion and it took quite some time for it all to ‘normalise’.
Neurosurgery is a major assault and not just on the brain but on the whole person. All of my normal tolerances were reset to zero. Tasks that were ‘normal’ became a marathon and many of my skills, which I had considered almost as 2nd nature had vanished. Physically, it used to be that if I wanted to complete a task, I did so. Post surgery, ohh man, I had to plan it out and I found that VERY frustrating. That frustration was with self, but my angst often came out as anger with those around me. How my poor wife put up with me I will never know. I had a very short fuse. I wanted everything to be right and I wanted it right NOW!!! Patience was a must for everybody involved.
As I often tell others the recovery is a slowly, slowly process. There will be things that return almost unaffected and yet others that take time to return. I’m not a great fan of slowly and I ‘tried’ to force my recovery to happen quicker, doing myself a greater injury, ending up back on the neurosurgeon’s table. I have since required a few neurosurgeries and have found the slower I take the recovery, the better the longer term outcome.
This neuro journey can be a torment for EVERYBODY involved and not just the patient, you can be there for them BUT you also need to look after you. If you burn yourself out, trying to support, you can find yourself in a position where you can’t support anybody, so don’t forget to look after ‘YOU’.and remember, we are always here if you need.
Merl from the Modsupport Team
Good Morning Wayne! I have moved your topic to the General tab, hopefully more people will respond, especially those who’ve had craniotomy procedures. When I ruptured, I had no affect (emotions) for several years. The 26 days of NSICU was exhausting due to all the hustle and bustle of the medical people. The RNs come in every 15 minutes to check on a patient and there’s the sounds from the machine they have one hooked to and of course the blood pressure cusp that is continuously checking BP. Then there’s the rounds that the various Residents do. Do you know how long she was in ICU before they moved her to a Rehab facility? The longer the stay, the more exhausted she could be. Add that to what Merl says and it explains the tiredness.
The “vessel” is most likely an artery and it sounds to me like one in her Circle of Willis had the aneurysm but I’m not a doctor. If she’s truly lacking emotions like I experienced, she won’t be worried or depressed as those are both emotional responses, she’ll probably be more robotic in speech. My guess is she’s still in a lot of pain not only from the rupture but also the craniotomy. I’ve never had a craniotomy so am going by what I’ve read from members sharing their stories. It could also be from noise and light as those can become intolerable and lead to a good bit of pain.
When someone is moved from ICU to Rehab, it is in my mind a positive as the ICU team has done all they can and now she will get Physical Therapy, less noise (hopefully), maybe some Occupational Therapy and if her speech has been affected, Speech Therapy. I wasn’t afforded the luxury of OT as there wasn’t one available for adults where I resided. I also was released straight to home. I’m basing Rehab on what my parents received when they went to Rehab.
Let her guide you on how long y’all FaceTime each other. I think about five minutes was all I could do with family who lived out West in the beginning. It was really difficult for me to concentrate. If she has family in her area, you might want to reach out to them and see what they need. They might also be able to provide you with more information on your girlfriend’s situation. Hopefully she has someone who can visit on a daily basis.
As Merl says, we are here for you. Just remember we may be in different States and countries so be patient in getting responses.
Hi Merl, and thank you so much! What you said about emotions makes sense to me now. She would cry and say things like “why me?”and “I’ll never be the same”. I try telling her that you will be okay, but it’s a long process and it takes dedication.
Good morning Moltroub! Thanks for your reply. She was in the ICU for about 4 weeks before she had the surgery. Also it was told to me that she was in a coma for 3 days.
She definitely has lots of family! Thank god for that! We are all trying to coordinate when and who can stay overnight with her.
Ohhh, Personally, I think we ALL go through those type of issues, with those type of questions. Well, that is ‘Me too’ 
I’m sorry to say it like this but that Why Me? question, doesn’t have an answer. Once I got into that mindset I had to recognise it and pull myself out of it. In the end the only person to blame was me and that negativity can be REALLY self destructive. I had to get to a point of ‘acceptance’. I can’t change what has happened, but I had to learn to adapt and accept. I may make that sound easy, it’s not. Some days that acceptance is easy, some days it’s not.
And for some of us that is very true, things do change. But I’d STRONGLY recommend not going there or not going down that line of thought. She could go through it all and come out the other side wondering what all of the fuss was about. Some people are lucky enough to recover unimpeded, for others it can take time and patience, lots and LOTS of patience to recover.
Big HUGE + for @Moltroub “Let her guide you…” Having family ‘available’ is great BUT too many people can be overwhelming. 1 on 1 was OK for me in small doses (and some people that was VERY small doses). Initially, I could not concentrate on a single voice. If the room was talking, I was hearing everybody at the same time. 2 minutes of that and I was exhausted. My wife has a friend, her laugh penetrates me terrible. 2 minutes of that and my head is about ready to explode. I’d say ‘hello’ then hide when she visits. My last major neurosurgery was in '13 and still today I can only handle small doses of her. She’s a nice enough lady but… …phew, she’s exhausting.
I didn’t have any set times I was OK nor set times I was not, so I had to be super flexible to be able to manage ‘Me’ and I found that frustrating. I have a room in which I can hibernate, it’s dark, it’s silent and a bed. My safe zone.
Merl from the Modsupport Team
Welcome, Wayne. We’re glad you made your way here. And your girl friend is very lucky to have someone like you to care for and about her. Should you sometimes feel at a loss to say “the right thing” when you are with her, it helps to remember that just the simple act of active listening possesses huge therapeutic benefits. Once again, Wayne, welcome to our and your new sanctuary.
Peter, thank you so much for saying that. I think I really needed it. I’m at the rehab hospital with her now, and I’m very happy to say that she’s progressing faster that I thought! It’s a great privilege to have people help you out in time of need. I’m grateful you guys are here to listen.
Wayne
It’s simply amazing that she has survived without an immediate coiling to help stop the blood from coming out. I learn something new everyday, I’ve never heard of any of our members receiving drugs to stop a cerebral hemorrhage.
Sometimes we get lost in all the medical jargon, probably most times, unless of course the person has a background in medicine. Some of our members do, most do not. Since you’re at the rehab, if allowed, this would be a good time for a RN to explain what has happened and what your girlfriend had to undergo before the craniotomy. Hopefully you’ve been able to take the subway into NY.
One of the best things BH did for me was just to hold my hand. Ok, just my fingers since the back of my hand had the IV and one of my fingers had the oxygen monitor. But just touch was comforting. Let her fall asleep whenever she needs to. Let her know we are all rooting for her recovery. I’m thinking she’s quite a fighter!
Hi Merl, jeez I know how that feels of being overwhelmed with too many people talking and things like that. I think her and I are both introverts. So this all the company is having a slightly bigger effect combined with her weakened state.
But I’m very happy to say that she’s doing so much better than I hoped. Omg, it’s like a miracle.
I think I learned something from her today. She was crying earlier when the nurse came in and wanted to check her blood sugar level. So I immediately began holding her hand and trying to console her. She said “I’m not depressed, but I have to cry to let it out”. So I’m trying just to be there, and go with the flow.
Oh my lord is she ever a fighter! And stubborn as well! Lmaooooo. She’s a Scorpio! Very independently minded!
Yes, the medical terminology can be confusing at times. Her daughter is usually the best source of info. My girl is of Spanish heritage (DR), as is her family. I’m a “gringo” lol. But I’ve seen pictures and diagrams on the web of coiling and stents. Coils would seem to be the logical treatment. But as was told to me they tried clotting with meds. I’m curious myself and ask her daughter again.
All you guys are great!
Wayne
OMG, I’m married to a Scorpio:scream:
BH is the boss in our home and at work. I found this from the UK Brain aneurysm - Treatment - NHS. Which lead me to Wikipedia Nimodipine - Wikipedia and now I’m more confused. But I do live in the State of Discombobulation😂
Hey, now, that’s enough you 2… …I’m a Scorpio 
It’s great she’s doing OK and it sounds like she’s trying to work through it all. That’s a good thing.
The reality of it all can hit us like a ton of bricks sometimes and seem to come from nowhere. Every one of us has a variation in our recovery. I’ve had a few neurosurgeries and every recovery has been different. I’ve learnt I have to ‘roll with the punches’ and adjust how I best manage for me.
Going with the flow is the ONLY way to manage for both her and you. I tried to fight against it. I convinced myself I was building stamina by pushing my limits. Bad, BAD idea. My body was telling me, I didn’t listen and I ended up back on the neurosurgeon’s operating table. Don’t do that.
Merl
That’s why we get along so well Merl, I’m a Virgo!
My girlfriend and I are both Scorpio! Double trouble! Lmaooooo. But we seem to understand each other pretty good. State of discombobulation. Oh lord 
Latest update is she’s doing a little bit better. They have her doing physical, speech, and occupational therapy. Yesterday (Saturday) she walked 3 laps around her floor in the hospital. Accompanied by me and her sister. And it was her idea to do it! But she is still weak and slightly off balance at times.
She is still depressed. She said “No more Paris”. Visiting France was on her bucket list. I tried telling her not to be silly. Paris isn’t going anywhere. You just have to postpone your trip. You’ll be able to go!
Also she’s worried about losing her job. I tried my best to tell her- that’s ridiculous, they’ll take you back. You’re a good worker, and this was not your fault! Then I was a little stern with her by saying if they don’t take you back, then they are a shitty company to work for and don’t deserve you! Sometimes I watch what I say around her because she’s a sensitive person.
She still tends to cry sometimes.
I’m definitely going to mention to her sister and daughter to stress the fact that she must take her recovery slow!
Wayne
Sounds like she is doing well, Wayne. She’s working really hard in Rehab, no easy feat. A great deal of muscle tone is lost when we have to lay in bed for awhile and it takes time to get it back. Three laps and her idea! Good for her! She is tenacious and that’s what it takes in my opinion to recovery. Recovery can often feel like two steps back, one step forward. But we get a spurt and go many steps! As long as she doesn’t give up, she’ll do well.
I couldn’t go back to work after I ruptured, I had too many cognitive issues going on and the job was quite stressful. Stress can still set me back. I also couldn’t drive far, at night, in the rain, etc. I still don’t do well in rain or at night. The rain can stop my brain from working and the headlights from other vehicles can be quite painful (photophobia). In the beginning, we never knew what was going to come out of my mouth, it was really bad. The stent helped a great deal, but didn’t eradicate it. Many of our members can go back to working which I think is wonderful!
When I went to PT last week, it had been raining hard. But it was just a drizzle when I got on the road. Got to the parking lot and it was a mess. Some poor soul was trying to avoid all the puddles with his walker. I was really upset about it and still couldn’t let it go by the time I was back home and telling BH. This was after telling the PTA and the front desk at the facility. I couldn’t remember some of my exercises. So I just sent an email to the hospital warning them of a potential injury and of course reminding them of the ADA guidelines they have to follow. Sometimes, the SW in me pops up LOL.
Paris sounds wonderful. Just remind her little goals will achieve the bigger goals. One day at a time and focus on what needs to be done today. She has a lot of goals to meet to get out of rehab, just focus on those right now.
Oh wow, I can understand how bright lights especially at night can affect your brain function. I think what I forgot to mention was, early on, after her emergency surgery, fluid had build up on her brain. Because of that she was getting angry and being “nasty” to people. Including her visitors. But she really doesn’t remember that.
Short term memory loss and double vision seems to be what she has now. Her memory does seem to be better lately though. The therapist has put a piece of tape on one half of her left eyeglass lens. And she’s doing exercises for the eye muscles.
By the way, what does “SW” mean? Lol
Wayne
Greetings and Welcome to This Family🙏🏽
I will tell you when I had my craniotomy which was in 2001, I experienced much of what you’re sharing. Time is the healer. Please know that your girlfriend cannot be responsible for the many emotions that come with this injury, and the tiredness that comes with her road to recovery. My family had a tuff time thru out my recovery, as they expected me to bounce back quickly.
I am grateful everyday I am here. I was at Columbia Presbyterian in N.Y. when I had surgery. I can only imagine how you are feeling, so be gentle with yourself as well. You are now a part of this community, and will find love, kindness and understanding here. I will pray for your girlfriend and trust she will recover well.
God Bless~
Good afternoon! Thank you for the kind words. My girlfriend was at Lenox hill hospital for the operation. Now she’s in a different place for rehab. These doctors and nurses are amazing.
I am trying to be kind to myself, but it’s difficult. I have thoughts of a not so positive nature from time to time. My girl and I weren’t talking for about 4 months before she called me. She left a voicemail. When I saw that I had a voicemail, I was happy. I wanted to go back to her. But then I listened to the voicemail. Omg I was devastated. I realize that she is the one girl for me. Even though we have our differences, we always come back to each other. She’s 50 years old and I’m 60. Being single at my age sucks lol.
So, I do tend to torture myself with thoughts. It’s always been in my nature. I’m a sentimental and sensitive guy. She is like that too! Very sentimental and sensitive. That’s why I love her, I think the way she thinks.
Can I ask you how you are doing now? Are there any lasting effects?
Wayne