In the beginning, bright lights hurt all the time, so did loud noises with higher pitched ones more painful. My hearing had improved significantly apparently. The audiologist was very surprised. It was funny looking back at it because our new rescue and I would be sitting on the front porch and BH would see both our heads turn at the same time. BH couldn’t hear what we heard. My ears didn’t perk up like Ohana’s. LOL. The second Neurologist I saw called them “Spidey Senses”, a common thing with any type of serious brain trauma. The first Neurologist I saw was a graduate of Harvard and younger than I by a decade or more. Went to his office once which was one time too many. His office looked like it was stuck in the ‘70’s, disco ball, high polished chrome, bright lights, two tvs playing loudly on different channels. We kept our home dark as did my parents when they had to babysit me. I couldn’t be around a lot of people because of all the different loud conversations going on hurt. Lost words, increased stutter and tremor, confusion would all set in. I grew up in a decent sized family unit and when everyone had friends over, that skill was top notch and I could join in any of the various conversations, so a big adjustment, and a bit of isolation was needed.
SW means Social Worker. I worked in Child Protection Services, the last 5 ½ years as an On Call SW. I was supposed to train a new worker the weekend before I popped my pipe. Fortunately I didn’t rupture whilst driving, or God forbid, children in my vehicle. I am eternally grateful for that miracle,
I just read your update and your girlfriend sounds as tho she’s determined to get moving! That’s a great sign. My situation was a bit different, but I am so much better than in the beginning. I was 42 when I had a failed coiling, then craniotomy…
I am now 65 this March😊The only deficits I struggle with are short term memory loss, and it still takes time to process information. I just take my time. I get tired after about 5 hours of activity, and tend to push those limits which only adds to fatigue. All in All, I believe I recovered much better than expected. It’s a process to learn the “New You”. I was fortunate for my craniotomy to have one of the top surgeons at that time, and a wonderful son who was 11yrs at that time. He continues to be my strength as he’s grown with me. Your girlfriend is Blessed to have you, and you her❤️Praying ALL will be well!
Happy belated birthday! Are you a Pisces? Astrology is kinda a hobby of mine. She is an extremely independent woman. Too much so sometimes. But that’s another story lol. Thank you for the prayers. I tell everyone I know to pray for her like you never prayed before.
Wayne
I’ve heard that sometimes with brain injuries the person develops a new skill. Like painting or music or even a new language. I have a good friend that worked as a SW for dept of children and families in NYC. She was very busy and it finally burned her out.
Wayne
I am sorry to hear that your girlfriend had a rupture. Mine was 5 years ago. Now that the surgery is done, she needs someone like you beside her. As Peter said: " just the simple act of active listening possesses huge therapeutic benefits." She needs that. Listen to her, validate her feelings, hug her, and be patient. My recovery has been great and my family played a great part.
Let me know if you have questions.
It’s a job that most don’t realize the dangers not only to children but spouses, partners, family members and anyone that goes knocking on the door at odd hours. Burn out is very common, universities don’t teach up and coming people in most of the helping professions what their real world scenario will be, much less the plethora of documentation that the County, State and Federal Govt expects. I imagine none of those people that add to repetitive paperwork has ever been in the field I can imagine your friend thinking the same as I used to, “How about shadowing me in the field or the office or court or….for about three months?”
Good morning Blessed1. Can I ask you a question? Actually, I’m a little hesitant to ask because I feel it’s selfish on my part. I say selfish because it’s mostly my feelings.
The question is- how were your feelings towards your loved ones a month or two after the operation? Sometimes I feel like a “5th wheel” when I see my girl. You know, before her rupture, her and I weren’t talking. We were broken up. For about 5 months. And now although she says nice things, I feel like I’m in purgatory. I know this is incredibly selfish and self centered. And I’d like to think I have patience. But I suppose I need to work harder at that.
Wayne
First of all, No worry about asking any questions. 2nd, you’re not being selfish. Sounds as tho you and your girlfriend love one another, but before her injury yoy both were in a “taking a break” phase, for lack of a better description. I feel it didn’t change the way you both feel towards one another. For me, I had my Mom, 11yr old son, and friends offering support. I did feel like a burden, as I am very independent. I was grateful to have the help, just it was uncomfortable for me to have to ask. Remember, emotions are at an all time high after a traumatic brain injury. I cried a lot, still do. I was frightened for a long time thinking this was going to happen to me again. It did not. Over stimulation was something that triggered and still does, a bit of anxiety causing me to step back from situations that cause this. I apologize if I’m going off track, I tend to at times. Sounds like you’re doing your best in handling it all, and want to be your best you for her. I’m sure she is doing her best to make sure you and everyone that is in direct contact woth her feel comfortable…
I pray I understood your concerns. You can reach out anytime. Blessings for you and your Love!
Yes my friend, you understand me perfectly. Thank you, because sometimes I need a good kick or a little nudge to remind myself of the reality of it all. Your words help so much. As does everyone on here. I’m going down to see her tonight. Hopefully the hospital staff will allow me to stay overnight. She’s not in a private room, so they didn’t like me trying last week. lol.
Wayne
In my opinion, you should not be looking at your feelings as selfish. The changes we as patients can often go through can be life altering for everybody involved and for our own wellbeing we often need to examine where we are at in this equation. Your feelings are part of that equation too.
In my former life, I was also working in social services and I’ve lost count of the numbers of people who have burnt themselves out in ‘the caring role’. Many have taken on the role and forgotten their own personal needs. That is not a healthy approach. Examining where you are at is very important, it can help us assess when we need a ‘timeout’, and we all need timeouts at times.
And I’d say exactly the same thing about myself… …and I’m the patient, so you are NOT in that alone I can assure you. I tried to carry on, like normal, then reality kicked in and kicked me to the curb. I think at times we all need a bit of that reality check. As I’m often saying to others 'If anybody EVER tells you this is all easy or simple to deal with, they have never personally been in such a situation themselves." Because if they have, they’d never make such statements. The reality can be far more shocking than the words.
And I know my wife felt somewhat the same. I wasn’t trying to put her in that position consciously, but my thought processes had changed and I could be easily overwhelmed. To protect ‘Me’ I was not including her in my thinking. I was trying to deal with ‘Me’, which came across sometimes as me being cold or uncaring. Add a headache to the mix and… OMG!!! my tongue could be a lethal weapon. I don’t know how (nor why) she puts up with me sometimes.
Hello and good morning everyone! Here’s an update to my girlfriend’s situation. This morning she told me that they are going to discharge her tomorrow or Wednesday. Pretty amazing huh? She’ll be staying at her father’s apartment for the time being. It’s close to her old place.
I was told more about her initial emergency operation. They actually did try a coil in the aneurysm. But the opening of the bleed was to large. So that failed. THEN they tried medication to try to form a clot. Which was also not successful. Therefore the operation.
But so far her therapy is coming along good. Her walking has improved. Still a little uneasy turning corners. Balance needs work.
They took her staples out on Saturday. She was very afraid and cried. Her sister and I were there for her. After the doctor removed the first one, he asked her if she felt anything. She said “No”. Lol. There were around 40 staples.
I really wish that she’d drink her “Ensure” shake. She is down to 100 lbs. But I bought her some pizza on Saturday. I guess time will put those pounds back on. Personally I love the taste of Ensure Lmaooooo.
I let her know about this support group. And that I joined. Maybe she will join in the future.
Wayne
That’s great news! I get the Ensure dislike . Maybe she needs to try a different flavor. I used to drink Premier but I think I may not have did the shake it up enough, looked inside the cardboard container . I tried a bunch of different protein drinks in plastic bottles and have settled with FairLife if I can get it, Boost if I can’t. Seems I can shake the plastic bottles up better/easier. I always get the chocolate. It took a long time for my appetite to come back.
It makes sense that they tried coiling first. Not a doctor, but it sounds like, the neck of the aneurysm was just a bit too large. They do a ratio, I think. With one of my repair attempts, Dr. Q-W told us she shoved those coils in and had told her Resident to keep them coming… We joke that I may have yards of coils in my brain.
Your girlfriend needs a big hug for working so hard. I bet given some time and home cooking, she’ll start eating well again. Remember just because she gets to go home doesn’t mean her work and the family’s work is done, y’all have a long road to recovery ahead of you. Please make sure everyone that steps in as caretaker takes some me time. Give her a hug from us Wayne!
Good morning everybody, I hope all is well with you guys. Here’s the latest update. So my girl is home at her parents house. I visited her last weekend and we went for some long walks. She has a long way to go in her strength and balance. I told her not to rush her recovery.
But she is very depressed at times. She cried and said “I’m sorry you have to see me like this” And “I sometimes wish I would go outside and someone would kill me”. That really really shocked and hurt me to hear that. She is not the type to ask for help. This is serious. I called her daughter (she’s 27 years old) and told her. I would have liked to suggest to my girlfriend to seek out some emotional therapy. But I didn’t want to upset her.
Her daughter knows that she’s frustrated and depressed, but this upset her also. Her daughter said not to tell her mother, as this would really freak her out.
How do I approach this topic with my girlfriend?
Thanks my good friends,
Wayne
@Scorpio63
Thank you for your update. Your girlfriend seems to have made progress in her recovery, but she has still a long road ahead of her. I remember when I had my first appointment with my PCP after I ruptured, my doctor told me that it is very common to get depressed and having PTSD from something like this, and he told me that I should promise to get back to get help if needed.
Your girlfriend seems to be depressed, and perhaps you can tell her what my doctor said. She survived and she deserves to feel better. I don’t know if this involves emotional therapy and/ or medication. But the doctor will know what would be best. Tell her that this too shall pass but that she needs help to overcome her emotions.
Hey @Scorpio63,
Coming to grips with the shocking reality of it all is NOT an easy thing for anybody involved, especially her. Big BIG + to @Moltroub
Slowly.
Try to get her to initiate the conversation, steering her in that direction, again slowly. If you instigate it and she is not ‘in that headspace’ often the reaction can be awful, that is saying, someone pushed me into the conversation and my reaction was NOT nice. In hindsight my reaction was disproportionate, but it was dropped on me out of the blue and my first reaction was self defensive.
I too had a BIG dose of the guilts. At the time I gave my then girlfriend the option to end the relationship. In my view this was my battle, not her’s. I thought it unfair to pull her into it all. Well, she had a totally differing view. I explained to her all of the risks, with a worse case scenario of me being bedbound. She didn’t care about all of that, so long as we were together. Silly woman. That ‘girlfriend’ is now my wife and a couple of months ago we had our 20th wedding anniversary.
Thanks for the update! I concur with both @oct20 and Merl with @ModSupport, they’re really smart. She probably needs to be evaluated by her doctor, if not her PCP, then her Neurosurgeon. Perhaps her daughter can help with that. But before you bring it up, she needs to initiate the conversation. When she does, you can ask her if she thinks she needs to see someone. I’ve always believed in talk therapy, sometimes we need medication for depression. I do not now, nor have I ever believed in antidepressants alone, we need the skills that talk therapy provides at some point while using antidepressants. Sometimes we need to stay on antidepressants even with some skill building and that’s okay. But for one to learn their triggers and how to manage them is priceless. If there is a Cognitive Behavioral therapist (CBT) they may be able to help or a NeuroPsychologist, someone with experience in dealing with brain trauma.
When I was able to work and one of my clients was suffering from depression I’d have them tell me their improvements or what they see as positives. It’s done differently for each client as people aren’t the same. Don’t give platitudes as they don’t help and sometimes can make things worse because the person doesn’t feel heard. When someone is truly depressed, it’s all day every day, there’s a reason they say suffering from depression. That being said, I’d probably tell her I was good with seeing her when she apologizes for you seeing her like this.
In the USA, we have what’s called a “5150” at least that’s what law enforcement calls it as does the court system and hospitals in my experience. It means the person is a danger to themselves or others. If she makes a clear plan on harming herself and has the ability to do it, someone needs to have her committed. Making a statement that she wished someone else would kill her doesn’t rise to the level of a 5150. She has to have a plan to do it herself. Many suicidal people will start giving things away, it’s one of the tell tale signs. But getting a 5150 entails going to the magistrate to get the court order. Law Enforcement should carry out the court order and drive her to the ER. She will then be assessed by the ER Doc and then someone from the Psyc Unit. In my experience, those who go in on a 5150 are kept for a minimum of three days for evaluation. She may be very angry with whomever sees the Magistrate for the order.
Remember she is struggling with the changes the rupture has caused. Baby steps to reach goals are much better and longer lasting than trying to do a speed race. You might be able to discuss with her what her goals are and then help break them down. One of my big goals was to stop walking like a drunken sailor. It took time, PT and a lot of work, but it helped. My brain also needed to heal enough, but PT was the start. So if regaining her balance is a goal, suggest that she goes to PT where they can help teach her exercises to obtain that goal.
Good morning! Thanks for that! Because she did say “I just want someone to listen”. Not to try and keep telling her “it’s alright don’t worry” etc. I just need to remind myself about that. And you mentioning that helps.
She seems a little better when I saw her last weekend. Her sister from Florida was up to visit, so that helped. Her support group is amazing. I wish I had a family like that lol!
Doesn’t everyone want a healthy, supportive family! Some of my family are very supportive, others I don’t care to have contact with, their drama is too overwhelming to me now. I no longer am able to do chaos. I look at it as a healthy positive that my rupture created.
Hello again Blessed, can I ask for more feedback from you? I’m concerned that my girl is shutting me out, so to speak. Last couple of weeks she’s been on the cold side. I feel pretty useless and of no value to her. This behavior of hers is reminiscent of past behavior (pre rupture). But I’m trying to be understanding. She recently went to see her cardiologist, and I’ve asked her twice how it went. I’ve gotten no answer to date. Almost 1 1/2 weeks. She has a procedure coming up, camera thru a large vein in leg to see if the rupture has been taken care of. So maybe that’s why she’s been cold?
Maybe I should give her space? I’m kinda feeling sad.
Wayne
Hey Wayne! The procedure your girlfriend is going to have is an angiogram. The surgeon needs to check to see if the coils and anything else used is still put. Sometimes coils can compact. Typically used are one of two arteries, the femoral (leg up near the groin) or the radial (wrist). It is the same procedure used when we are repaired and is called the endovascular method. The risks are many with the anesthesia, dye, and catheter that’s used to get the camera up to our brain. The surgeon in your girlfriend’s case will go through her groin all the way up to her heart and into that artery and then eventually into her brain. With me, my surgeon looked at both sides of my brain as I could have developed another aneurysm at some other location. Also for me, because I had no affect for several years due to my rupture an angiogram wasn’t concerning to me. This is not the case with the majority of our members, especially if they have all or any emotions. It can be quite scary and full of “what if’s”. Here’s part of the arterial map her surgeon will take
If you meant to ask specifically for @Blessed1 opinion, you need to put the “@“ sign everyone who has responded to this topic will come up. If you type the first couple of letters, the exact person will come up.
I can imagine your friend thinking the same as I used to, “How about shadowing me in the field or the office or court or….for about three months?”
lol.
. I tried a bunch of different protein drinks in plastic bottles and have settled with FairLife if I can get it, Boost if I can’t. Seems I can shake the plastic bottles up better/easier. I always get the chocolate. It took a long time for my appetite to come back.