I spent over a month in the hospital right by my husbands side not knowing if he might suddenly die or have a stroke. after they put the coils in to stop the bleeding from the aneurism he developed vaso spasms that lasted about 14-15 days until the numbers came down and he no longer needed the angiogram injections. throughout that time I was so scared that I couldn't do anything to stop what might happen. we have returned home and we are so lucky the he doesn't have any major neuro or physical issue that I felt very blessed We have been home close to a month now and what I thought would be a celebration of having each other still has turned bitter, he is very distant, crabby and doesn't interact with me at all. we have been married 28 years and always enjoyed being together doing lots of things we are both very social but now he doesn't want to go anywhere and I just sit by myself. Is this change in personality common? will it ever get back to normal? everyone just tells me it takes time, but i'm really lonely and sad that I no longer have a relationship with my husband.
Awww Tami I am so sorry. I know everyone’s recovery is different. There are a lot of different emotions that your husband is going through. It sounds as if he may be depressed. Have you discussed this change with his doctors? I pray that this passes quickly, but he may need some help to get through the realities of it all.
God bless,
~ Carol
Hi Tami,
I am so sorry your going thru this ...I echo what Carol said, that your husband may well be depressed....have you noticed a difference in how he acts or reacts to others, such as family and friends, etc.? Does he still have the same interests or hobbies that he had pre-annie? I hate to be another "It takes time" bell-ringer, but...i'm ringing that bell...I sure hope things change for the better, sooner and not later...Peace, Janet
I just spent New Years with my sons buddy who is home for the weekend how pathetic is this?
hi tami, me again , i wrote you and i'm getting a better picture, please be patient this will take some more tme and yes it does get better,there are many phases we go thru-denial, anger, acceptance, withdraw etc etc. i don't like to go places either ive tried and tried, went to concerts, malls, church, dinners --all were pretty much a dtsaster, i think things will improve for you, try to pic his brain and find out what it is that's triggering withdraw and what is creating bitterness, also think about counseling- i think you both would benefit greatly- this is a very very difficult scenario, good of u to write here, hopefuly our replys will help, would he consider joining us? it was the best therapy for me by far~~
Hi Sweetie...I am so sorry for everything you are going through...but your husband is early in the Healing journey...and is brain is still healing and that takes an emotional toll...many of us here didn't know our "new normal" until one year...some almost 2 years...because you are the caretaker, be sure to take time out for YOU...but try a bit to be patient with hubby...Gotcha both in my Thoughts and sending a small prayer your way ~ Colleen
Tami my wife had hers in the front of her brain. Large and it effected her short term memory . She had surgery in june and has been in the hospital for 90 day at johns hopkins I moved her 2 monts ago to a rehab/nursing home. Its not safe for her to be with out 24 hr care. She gets depressed and has crying fits now. She still has problems remembering things hours before. I feel your pain. We have been married for a year whhn this happened spent our anniversary at the hospital . She didnt even remember I was her husband. At least most of that is past. Now I dont know what to do . Im thinking of assisted living as a transition in hopes she will be able to function with out 24 hr care. Hang in there
yes this is normal, as a survivor many changes take place and we need to adapt to things all over. some sounds and sites might annoy us but we cant control it. it does get better, hugs.
how long can I expect it to change
Ron, I came here because my daughter will be going through surgery soon and was looking for support because I am so scared and want to be "there" for her. I've read your responses to others and am so impressed by how well you right and how kind you are. Just wanted to tell you that. You have courage and a big heart.
Mary
Tami, I left a comment on your other post. May I suggest you not focus on "how long" because recover for any type of surgery is always individual and I can't imagine what it's like for brain surgery. The experts will tell you their opinions, and then the folks who have had the surgery will tell you the reality. Just don't get discouraged, others will have better advice, but you must continue to live your life - don't sit home alone, you need to nourish your soul so you can fill yourself back up. I do things for me now - I can go to the movies alone - I don't talk to anyone in the movies anyhow so I just get a yummy popcorn and see what I want to see. The library is a great place, I find a quiet corner and pull an interesting book or magazine and loose myself for awhile. You are allowed to take care of you.
I know things are not like they were, your days are different for now; but you are allowed to have good days and to find happiness in different things, you have to give yourself permission to do that.
Thinking of you.
Mary