Change in my spouse?

Hello all,

I'am new to this group and looking for any advice you may have. My wife suffered an aneurysm in july. The coiling procedure leaked and she ended up having multiple surgeries. Currently she is in the midst of what seems to be a 100% recovery. She is back to driving and working on a part time basis. I'am having an issue with her being very irritated all the time. There have been many situations that would normally be humorous to her that where she is now very impatient and frustrated. At first I thought ok, no big deal and of course I take the whole situation into consideration. Now I'm seeing it daily and it is really starting to affect what was our normal home life. We have a 12 yr old son, and he also has seen the change in her. Unfortunately he was the first person to bring the change in her out in the open. There has been more then one time when my wife gets upset enough she will leave the room and sometimes the house without even saying anything. Her body language is very obvious to us though. He and I have been left sitting and staring at each other wondering what in the world just happened and what did we do wrong many times now. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I'am starting to get stressed. It is begining to affect me daily now. I know I need to remain patient and I thank God everyday that she is still with us. Do I have to learn how to adjust? Is this a normal stage in her recovery? Any advice will be greatly appreciated, I look forward to meeting some of you. Thank you,


Hi Brad,

You know,, recently I remarked to my husband , "I'm no different, before or after the aneurysm" (We were talking about aneuryrsm survivors at the time)..My husband rolled his eyes and murmererd something that would indicate he disagreed with my comment. So I stopped and said "wait, you think I'm different?? Hows that? how am I different now?" (I didn't expect him to disagree with me) I really thought that yeah, I'm the same as I was before and after my surgeries, all 3 from 1998 to 2006 to 2010. So I asked him how i'd changed. His answer was that I'm much more apt to jump, much quicker to get snappy at him , and just not as 'kick back ' as I had been. I was startled to hear this, I'd never even given it a thought. Now that i'm aware of this, I've been trying to work on that issue, although i'm not sure Its done any good.(??) Anyway, best of luck to you and yours, and maybe by bringing it to her attention (That yeah, theres others out there with similar situations), then perhaps that may help her realize it...Take care, Janet

So glad you are sharing your story Brad...praying you will get some good advice...~ wishing you a good day ~ Colleen

hi Brad! Welcome, i am 3 yrs post sah Yes there is so many aspects of this- anger, exhaustion and possibly confusion to name a few. Exhaustion makes us more "touchy" and makes us vulnerable to voicing anger- i have even falsely accused a nephew of misbehaving only to find out it was another!! He was ok then after i apologized- i was real embarrased to not be able to process things correctly and be more patient but he seemed to understand my being wrong. However sometimes anger is inevitable as we are only human and situations arise that warrant the anger. But if i can cope here with 5 nephews & an elderly mother -anybody can! i do think she'll improve but i think more should be done to educate caregivers especially in my case since i'm permanently disabled- i'm so happy to hear she is 100% !! thats so awesome!oh yes these are normal stages and i do think you'll have to make adjustments- like being super understanding especially now in the early days of recovery. You'll do fine tho - i detect a lot of love here- just the fact that your here being active for her regard shows you are very caring. Hang in there bud and maybe explain to son their may be adjustments of being more aware of her feelings and more understanding but things will improve! anyway our thoughts & prayers are with you , her & the family-ps sorry so long- i'll stop now!-lol

As a person who has had a ruptured aneurysm, I can state with absolute certainty that no one comes out of this the same. I had the same issues being irritated, lack of patience, and just not being my normal joking self. It has been over two years and while I too am back to work, driving etc. I finally realized what my wife was dealing with. Just last week on my wife’s birthday I wrote her a letter in her card. It thanked her for her help over the last 2 years and apologized for my behavior. I asked her to help me get back to being the real me but explained I don’t know how and can’t do it without her.

Your wife’s physical trauma was so recent that she is still dealing with that. Give her some space and some time and I have a feeling she will come around. Best of luck to both of you.

Hi Ellen,

Thank you soo much for your kind thoughts, words and prayer. Your story made me feel like a weight was lifted off of me before I was even done reading it. Everything you said makes such perfect sense. I should know this already. I guess I tend to forget about the severity of what she went through. Perhaps I'm unconsciously blocking that out? I believe you are right, when I think about it more, I see her come back from her place that she tries to escape to in a completely different mood. Almost as if she realizes what just happened and maybe she feels bad? I will keep everything you said in mind from now on and remain patient. Thank you again, your story helped me more then you can imagine. :) Brad

Thank you Janet,

I hope I didn't stir any bad waters with your family. It is nice to know I'm not alone.

Brad :)

Thank you Colleen.


Thank you Ron,

I really appreciate all the feedback. It's nice to have found this site. I have been frustrated enough lately that I knew I had to do something to help myself and/or the family. This site has been fantastic so far. Everyone has wonderful advice for me. I'am excited to see any new response. Also not too long at all :) the more I can get the better.

Thanks again Ron!


Thank you Tony,

A very touching story! I will continue to be patient and give her space. It is so nice to hear all the stories to realize its not just me. Its also nice to hear it will most likely just be a matter of time. Take care, Brad