I am embarrassed to say I'm not sure I can do this. We have been married for 42 years. June 14th, Paula had a cup of coffee at 8:15am. She did the dishes, started the laundry, and made the bed. At 9am the ambulance was at the house as I had noticed her words were had to understand and she had a serious headache. The local small hospital had her blood pressure lowered and in a coma state after a quick cat scan. She was taken 300 miles to Boston that day.
I have been in college(4 classes this summer at 62 years of age) traveled back and forth to Boston and now make daily trips to Bangor Maine(120 miles). paula is lonely and I feel guilt when I have to leave each day. I am not sure I can do this. 10 weeks, college, a house to run, a granddaughter coming tomorrow and wishing each day to die.
I also have a father age of 90 to check on each day. The aneurysm and stroke is not fair to her and I try but just can't fix it. No insurance and one million in debt in our golden years. Of well bored you people enough. I had a strong faith but not sure prayers are being heard. Sorry for negative and maybe just tired. God Bless, "big jon"
hi bigjon! it was good to meet you earlier on chat- sorry you dropped off, Keep the Faith Jon and just keep doing what you have been. Paula needs you probably more now than ever- you can do this! In my opinion it's what God wants(and Paula) You showing up here tells me you are a very caring person and you will excel at this once all the stumbling blocks and hurdles are cleared. Feel free to write me and ask anything, We are here 24/7 for you. Please remember this is a long marathon we are on- I'm 4 yrs post and still trying to cope and adjust-their are no problems, only solutions in this venture, I'm glad your writing on here - it will help you! I hope you return! God Bless you, Paula and your entire family~
The last thing you should be is embarrassed - what you are having to endure is awful, and anyone would be finding it enormously difficult, if not unbearable. The fact that you have performed all these duties since your wife's aneurysm ruptured shows that you are a strong and dedicated person. Many people would have just fallen apart at the first hurdle... give yourself some credit for your strength and perseverance. You are right about one thing though - you can't "fix it" in a normal sense, and you mustn't give yourself a hard time about that. You can make things a whole lot better by being there for her, but it isn't something directly fixable. Your wife has had a very serious (most of us know first hand!) medical emergency but she has survived, and she will improve over time no doubt.
About faith, I can't really say a lot as I'm not religious at all - but I'd think it would be normal for any religious person to feel at least temporarily forsaken when such tragedy strikes their family. It is difficult to look into someone else's life that you do not inhabit and offer meaningful advice, but I think maybe you might have carefully balance what you can and cannot do right now as it sounds like you are in danger of becoming totally swamped. Are there other family members who could perhaps share some of the load with you? You have so much to cope with right now and it is ok to need a little help and support from others. It sounds like you are having to be the rock for so many right now, and even rocks need support! I'm really sorry to hear about the insurance/debt problems also, this whole situation seems so cruel in many ways.
I really hope that things start to look up for you and your family soon, and wish you all the best,
I am religious and where you can't, God can. When I find my faith waning I actually pray for God to give me the faith the sustain me. This whole process has been quite shocking to say the least. We ask, "why?" But that reason is rarely given.
Instead of giving you some pat answers that may or may not sooth you, I will give you some practical suggestions to help with some of your issues:
For Loneliness: If you have or can borrow a tablet, Kindle Fire, iPhone, or laptop you can Skype a couple times a day so that she can get face to face time without to have the driving time. Plus maybe some of your friends might be able to contact her that way where they would not be able to travel. Even if you do not have something maybe your church might donate a kindle fire to her. They are under $200.
See if another neighbor or family member can check on your dad at least one or twice a week.
I am in school as well and not liking the idea of having to take time off to deal with surgery. But I do not have a choice. You might need to consider reducing your load for your own sanity or see if you can take the classes in other formats - online, modulars so that they are shorter intensive, etc. Remember if you are stressed you will not be learning real well anyway.
You are right you can't do this ALL. You need to ask for help. Do not be ashamed to ask for help. We here can help with questions and support. Your local community can help with your physical needs but they need to know what to help you with.
My prayers are with you. I prayer for your strength to be renewed and that you look to Him. You do not have to do it all. Many are with you. Know for sure that He is with you.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Being in college at age 62, by the way good for you, taking care of an elderly parent and watching debt grow with no end in sight. Any one of these is hard to deal with.
Don’t be embarrassed or afraid to ask for help from family, friends, neighbors, your community and this forum. If it was your friend or family I’m sure you would be there to help them. No one can manage these issues on their own.
No need to apologize, this forum is full of understanding ears. Yes, it is not the best situation however after 42 years you know this already. I can tell you are a dedicated husband, multi-tasker and you care. It is during these times that you must trust that God is listening. He has a plan. Paula survived and that is a blessing. I agree with my fellow forum members; reach out for help. Even if it seems like a small favor, you must ask family and friends for help. My folks came from Boston and I know the beautiful pride, self sufficiency and honor that all Bostonians hold dear. It is completely okay to feel guilty, frustrated and at the end of your rope. Who wouldn't feel that way? I am praying for you Big Jon. Message me anytime
I can empathize with a lot of what you are going through, two years down the line things do seem to be getting better. I think Bruce summed up a lot of what I wanted to say, like Bruce I don't find religion much help, but I can understand it is a great comfort for a lot of people and what you are doing for your wife is such an unselfish and compassionate act , anyone reading your post would agree this is a mammoth task that has been placed on your shoulders, so don't be to hard on yourself, don't forget to think of yourself from time to time and don't be afraid to ask for help it's not a sign of failure, Best Wishes to you both John & Sue
you are such a strong person...but even the strong are not able to over-ride what has occurred, you can only move along as best you can ...and sometimes that means that even the 'best' have to step outside of the box and take in the bigger picture. You are not super-man, you're a good husband who is trying so hard to 'fix things' that only can be fixed over time...and although that has got you down and frustrated, it is what it is. and like all others have said, asking for a bit of help from others is no crime, infact I think its expected....don't be afraid to take a break from the daily drive to see Paula, My God she has got to realize that if anything is harder on you , it would be this continual long haul you've been doing each day...Maybe try to cut the drive/visits back a tad bit? maybe instead of each and every day, cut it back to 4 or 5? I doubt seriously that Paula would take this to think anything other then this being a sensible manauver on your part, this sort of stress on you is not a way for YOU to remain healthy. Its a helluva' thing for a spouse to endure, YOU are important too in this incredible journey .