Missing my Mom

Hi all, wanted to introduce myself. My name is Maleeta, and my mother had a clipping about 8 days ago. All went well, but I miss my Mom. And...everything has changed. I know I'm anxious and jumping the gun and being selfish. I am happy she had no complications, things could be way worse, etc. But she's not the mentor I grew up under, insightful, intuitive, smart business woman, and many other things she has always been to me.

All of her memories are just barely there. She's hugely confused and chases her tail all day long. I guess I feel defeated. Like I'll never have my Mom back. Commiserate if you will, I know I've represented myself poorly (or am ashamed that I feel poorly with all of these super honest feelings). Ok, guess I'll go back to reading all of your stories. Thanks for sharing them here, it's very much appreciated.



hi Maleeta-ican totally relate my mom is 83 next week and sems to be declining a little.Please don't feel defeated & no you are not selfish-you are the exact opposite-caring,giving,sharing.love your name!good luck and i'll pray for a continuous healing and may God Bless you & yours

Remember what I told you on your page, it has only been 8 days and your mom is so…oh early In her healing journey…
Love her and try to e positive or at least in front of her…you have my prayers, Colleen


Your Mom imparted all the qualities she wanted you to exhibit should something happen to her. Now it's your turn to help her find her way back. The human brain is remarkable in healing, believe me, I've watched it in action for real.

Hi Maleeta,

I am a aneurysm clipping survivor as such I feel I can say to you, it's not selfish at all to want your mom back. Everyday you awake can be that day. Never give up hope!


Maleeta, welcome...and, I think, overall, it is great you can express your feelings; and, you can do it here, or other similar sites.

I was coiled; years tripping over memory and memories; hearing loss and vision damage.yet fatigue days are like tripping the light switch.

Eight days is a miracle that you can observe what your mom is doing, or trying to do. Talk to her neuros about what recovery help is planned and/or recommended; from hearing / vision testing, to various therapies; and be sure to check out what her insurance will cover.

Prayers that every next 8 days will bring wonders...


Hi Malesta, It is early days for your Mum and I am sure over time things will get better, I think we all think of our Mums as invincible and incredible and all those other feelings that come with really loving your Mum but we are all human at the end of the day, I am 1 year post SAH and once I'd got back to some sense of normality I really felt for my kids and what I'd put them through and I am sure this will be the same for your Mum, there are many things I cannot do now that I once did but I my kids are amazing as you are, it is totally normal for you to be feeling this way so don't beat yourself up about it, I pray for your Mum's speeding recovery and that you might feel some peace, Jill xxx

It's been 8 days and your mum just had brain surgery. She is going to need a bunch more time before you pass judgement that you'll never have her back.

Don't be ashamed but try to keep your eye on the ball and what has just happened here and to who.

Stay strong and be there for your mum.

Don't be sorry.... this is a place to share your feelings... We ALL understand and can relate.. I'm the one that had surgery and I've been on here ranting big time.. I will say that I've gotten all my self back, took 8 months.. Hang in there, and love on her as much as you can.. Remember to take care of your self too..


She's in there, sweetie! She really is. It takes time. The brain is very malleable and it will heal up. She may not be 100% but she is going to be much much MUCH better than she is now!

Talk not only tot he doctors, but to the nurses. The nurses work more one on one with patients and can tell you more about what to expect. Also watch how they deal with her; they don't take things personally or expect anything really of her beyond small things. I had an SAH 8 weeks ago and my memory is returning to near normal, but even now if I overdo it I regress back what feels like WEEKS. Brain healing happens, I am learning, with rest and with quiet and low stimulation...but it does happen.

*HUGS* She's there. Just have that faith and hold it close. And NEVER feel bad. Yes, others have it worse, but that doesn't mean your situation is any less personally devastating. (And to tell you the truth, the first few weeks I got out when EVERYONE wanted to make sure I felt lucky I didn't die, I wanted to kick them in the teeth and tell them that they should feel lucky I didn't kick them twice. Yeah, cognitively we all are "lucky to be alive" but it's really hard to glad that your head "only exploded a little", KWIM?)

The feeling of peace will come (I haven't had the desire to do a teeth kicking in a few weeks), but don't rush it and just feel what you need to feel right now.

Dear Maleeta - Completely OK to feel as you do. As human as any of us.

At the age of 35, my husband had a ruptured aneurysm followed by neurosurgical clipping exactly a year ago. He still suffers from short term memory loss and is also dysphasic. Sometimes, it is almost like seeing and living with a completely new person - but then i count my blessings that he is THERE and getting better !

Be there for your Mom and stay positive - trust me it helps ! My husband's chances of survival and recovery were very slim but i refused to believe in it and i think so did he. He fought and came through and continues to fight every day. when you do have a weak moment and you probably will - just log on ! We are all here.

i agree with colleen its way to early just let her body heal.