It’s been a little over two years since my ruptured brain aneurysm and subarachnoid hemorrhage. While I still have problems with vision and balance, I have adjusted to the point where they are more of a nuisance than anything else. However, I find I have difficulty making emotional connections. It’s hard to be motivated. The analogy I use to explain it to people is it’s like being at the table for a meal and not being hungry or having tastebuds. You know you need to eat, but there’s little joy in the process. I would imagine many of you have experienced something similar. Have you been able to do anything to help? Thank you in advance.
Stephen, You are not alone and it will get better. I had zero affect for at least three years after rupture. That time period, we lost our Labrador that saved my life when I ruptured by waking me up. She was 14 ½ years old. My Dad died and then the following year, my Mom. Try explaining to folks who aren’t in your inner circle of friends and family why you’re not crying with your parents deaths. The feeling just wasn’t there. I truly believe that it’s our brains putting energy into the areas we need to keep living. Emotions aren’t a necessary area for the brain, though it is for us. The first time I got angry which was probably the beginning of regaining my emotions was when my mom was in the hospital and an RN did not document an injury to her foot that she had caused. It’s hard to explain to folks that we know we should feel something, but the feeling just isn’t there.
Some of us have uncontrollable emotions after a rupture, some like you and I do not. Just yesterday my neurologist said my brain is just disconnected and it still needs to find pathways. He also said that the damage done was in the center of my brain, both sides according to all the old images I had the hospitals send to him. I had never heard that before as my rupture was the LICA bifurcation, so I assumed left brain damage. It’s amazing that the blood leaks into the subarachnoid space which is an outer layer of the brain, yet my damage is in the center. I will have to ask Dr. Quintero-Wolfe when I telemedicine with her in November. I told the Neurologist, that I’m still mowing the grass so there remains time for healing. He agreed.
Be patient and kind with yourself. Continue eating lots of protein and keep hydrated. It takes years for the brain to heal, but heal it will.
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Dear Moltroub,
Thank you for the helpful advice and insight. As you have so many times before, your support has truly made me feel better and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. I wish you all the best.
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Your are more than welcome Stephen! Thank you for the kind words! Big hugs!
I have wondered about this also. I am 4.5 years post intervention coiling, no rupture. My life has not been the same since. I now suffer from depression, lack of confidence and am emotionally removed. I feel little fun or joy. I’m unmotivated to do much of anything. My physical challenges include vision, short term memory, spelling, math, mental fatigue, etc. I say etc. because I’m uncomfortable in my own skin these days still feel effected daily in so many ways and in so many situations. I’m taking an antidepressant, which has helped, and Adderall, which has helped me complete tasks, which I struggle with. But honestly, my life feels very empty, and it shouldn’t, there’s absolutely no reason for the way I feel. I am generally withdrawing from everyone except those that I have to be present for. I have to force myself to socialize, realizing that if I don’t I’ll be totally alone. I was a totally different person prior to my surgery. I worked my whole life, I was the life of the party, I was witty and happy and reasonably intelligent. I expected not to miss a step and pickup where I left off. I tell you this so that you get a feel for where I’m coming from, not to detract from Stephen’s question or to go off on a tangent. Essentially, I don’t understand the emotional indifference(?) but am wondering of it’s part of my overall experience.
I didn’t expect any of this. To piggy-back on what Stephen is saying, I’d be interested in hearing from others that may be helpful to us and others regarding the dulled emotions.
I’m rooting for you Stephen. 
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ABJ, thank you for writing. I certainly appreciate it, and though we are not necessarily in the same boat, we are in the same storm. What Moltroub wrote made me feel a lot more comfortable about the uncertainty. Whether or not either of us is able to regain emotional connections remains to be seen. However, we will both continue to adjust. Just know while you might feel lonely, you are not alone. Feel free to reach out at any time. I am rooting for you as well.
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ABJ,
From your writing skills, I would say your intelligence is still admirably high. Changes in brain processing is not unheard of with either a rupture or repaired aneurysm. With a rupture, it’s easier for the doctor to point to the culprit. I’m very proud that you continue to socialize, it’s so important to continue to try. The effort can be daunting but it needs to be done, especially with COVID-19.
While I used to tell my clients that I had a few tricks in my bag to try, you can say tools, your preference. Some practices I would suggest: When experiencing depression, it helps to not watch the news, not read the newspaper, and stay away from movies and shows with violence. It helps tremendously to keep to positive influences. Set goals for yourself. There was a Navy Seal that did an outstanding commencement speech who said the same for achieving what you want. In his speech, he started his goals every day with making the bed. A cluttered home can also increase depression. If your home is not as clean and organized as you like, start with one very small area, say an end table, and don’t stop until it’s the way you used to like it.
Sometimes becoming disconnected with others, is an aging process. We don’t want to engage with as many folks as we did in our younger years. It’s all part of growing which we continue to do as long as we are alive. We also have chemical changes our bodies experience, for instance menopause. Menopause isn’t just something women experience, men do as well. A decrease in hormones is a message our brain sends to the rest of our body to say it’s time to slow down.
Try to find joy and amazement in the little things. The other week I was working in the yard. A rather large butterfly came to the garden. I took pictures it was so big. It then followed or led me around the yard when I was mowing. This butterfly brought me both joy and amazement.
Use affirmations. Find a quote or a sentence that helps you, that gives you pleasure. It doesn’t have to be long, it has to be personal. I am a smart, kind person or the line from The Help in which the character Aibileen says to the young girl, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” Whatever you choose, write it down and tape it on the bathroom mirror so you see it every morning.
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Thank you Moltroub. I greatly appreciate your kindness and your thoughtful message. I’m going to print your message and review it often; it will serve as my first affirmation!
Decluttering is a good suggestion. I’m not a hoarder but have a lot of “stuff” that overwhelms me.
I appreciate your compliment regarding my writing. It takes me longer with reviews and edits (and looking up spellings) to get it close to the way I want it. It used to flow from me as naturally as a beautiful voice.
Many years ago a friend and I used to sign-off from conversations with “you’re smart, you’re pretty, you’re skinny, you’re funny”. I had it on my refrigerator too. Indeed a good time to return to that with the addition of Aibileen’s two new ones.
I’ll try daily goals although I tend to push them aside.
I’m going to pick up a paintbrush now, which I haven’t done in almost a year.
Lastly, I want to tell you I’m sorry about your losses of those you loved and wish you continued healing physically and emotionally.
Thank you so much for your kind words. When you and others say I’ve helped, it means the world to me.
I’ll tell you a funny story…The other day we went to the mountains. I asked if we could stop at a couple of antique stores. The last one we stopped in, My words were pretty good walking in as was my tremor. The lady said it was her birthday, we wished her a happy one, and she said she wanted us to sing to her. While we proceeded to look at her things. You couldn’t walk but sideways and if someone was in the aisle, either you or that person had to go into a niche so the other could pass. Thankfully there was just one young woman.
While it wasn’t an antique store, the woman had only one that wasn’t for sale, she did have a lot of stuff. I found a small round horsehair brush used for shoes but they’re also good for carvings that are difficult to dust. I picked one up, got to the register and they were half off. We had a conversation with the other woman on disability. She felt she should qualify for her diabetes and seven corrective eye surges for blindness.
I went back for another brush. Thinking I knew where they were hanging, I headed straight for them. I couldn’t find it. Eventually BH called out if I was ok. Well I wasn’t ok. I was firmly rooted to a spot midway. I said “TOO, TOO, TOO MUCH STUFF.” BH came racing to me and grabbed my arm, both were trembling violently. With the woman telling us where they were, we eventually found it. I gave her my $2, she offered me a job to help her organize her shop. I said, “No, no, no, I lose disability.”
As we headed out the door, BH couldn’t get me out fast enough, I said “Wait, Wait, Wait we have to sing to her”. We sang, she complimented us on it saying she couldn’t sing a lick.
Once we got in our vehicle, I said. “She has 12,12,1200 sq ft building with 3800 sq ft of stuff”. I ate some of what we call my emergency protein, drank water and all was good. BH vowed we would never go in there again ROFLOL
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I don’t blame you for not going back again, lol. You are more helpful than you know. I’m printing your story for my husband who doesn’t understand why I can’t grocery shop in a big store and prefer to order online and pickup. Too much stuff!! Sensory overload. I’m like a squirrel in the road, back & forth and in circles, all over the place until I’m overwhelmed.
Good Afternoon. I read this post with some curiosity. While I was in the hospital and for a significant period thereafter, my emotions were on overdrive. I cried at the drop of a hat over everything. I still think that I may be overly sensitive, but the crying has reduced significantly.
I wish you luck as you continue to process and heal. God bless.
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Dear Brian,
Thank you for reaching out. The first few months after my hospitalization, I would also cry without provocation. I began to take Prozac to help with depression, and thankfully both have stopped. I’m not sure if it was due to the medication or just a natural part of the healing process. I feel the best illustration of the lack of emotional connection happened when I was with a friend of mine during a trip to New Hampshire. We were sitting on a dock by a lake at sunset. I remember intellectually thinking “Wow, this is beautiful,” and waiting for some kind of emotional reaction which wasn’t there. I had recalled before the aneurysm I thought I would have felt an emotional reaction, although at this point I might be deluding myself. Either way, these days I feel much more comfortable with the uncertainty of everything, and I’m going to continue to heal. Good luck with everything on your end, and I wish you all the best.
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ABJ, tell your husband the first time I went by myself to the grocery store I came home with several hundred dollars of groceries that should have been well under $100. On the list read kielbasa, I bought every type they had under the brand name, I couldn’t remember which one we preferred. It was on sale BOGO, that’s what I got, two of every type. The list also said beans…it didn’t say which type, so I came home with black beans, pintos, navy, cranberry, Both dry and canned, green beans fresh and canned…Roast and I picked up several different types. it was a fiasco. There was absolutely no room in our refrigerator/freezer. We learned to have me grocery shop, the list had to be exact.
A couple years ago, BH suggested I tip some workers who did extra work for us. I gave them $300! It was my allowance money, I get $50/week. Needless to say, I don’t do money any longer. And to give my BH credit, I didn’t receive a lecture which I probably wouldn’t have understood. BH did point to some money on the table that I was to give, but I don’t touch money that isn’t mine, it’s the way I was raised.
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Your experience has always helped us tremendously. Our Amy hasn’t been able to shred her tears either, though deeply I know she was quite emotional at an incident. She has been recovered pleasantly without a complain or a fuzz and the psychiatrist told us it was a blessing. We were looking forward to her 2-year recovery mark until another bleeding occurred 2 weeks ago. It is a big reset for us as both limbs now are weak )-:
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I hear ya! Multiple roasts are a problem. LOL.
Good thing ice cream wasn’t on the list!
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After my coiling, I cannot cry. As sad I have been some times, I still cannot.
My patience is short. I hear you. Thank goodness for my husband’s cool demeanor. I gotta get some of that emergency protein. I usually head for chocolate. 
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Dear @Moltroub, @ABJ, @BrianS, @lytran2000, and @GlendaD thank you for taking the time to comment and offer insight. Thankfully, even in the two weeks since I’ve written this post, I’ve been able to appreciate some things on an emotional level. I don’t know whether this signifies a new chapter in my recovery, or if it’s an anomoly. I have learned not to read into things too much and have simply accepted it. Each of us are in a different boat, but we are all in the same storm. Hearing from you has been comforting in ways no one else will ever understand. I hope you are all doing well, and I wish you all the best.
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Great news Stephen, I’m glad for you. Keep at it!
That is great news Stephen! It does come back rather slowly, doesn’t it? I was not understanding what was going on when my emotions started coming back, it wasn’t scary, just odd. And like you, I just didn’t want to expect too much.
I had some blood work done by my neurologist recently and it appears I’m low in B-12 for him. I recall B-12 being one of the meds my Dad had to take for his SLE, it helps with emotions.