Am I the only one who feels like people are not being honest with me?
I'm aware I've changed, I guess. But I honestly can't tell you how I've changed only the people in my life who should tell me, don't. I can feel them holding back.
Or, maybe its just me. Does anyone else feel that way?
I feel like what has happened to me has caused disappointment in me from my loved ones.
I'm pretty sure that is just me.
I'm good at putting a smile on my face and saying everything is fine but I'm often free floating in my head and find concentration next to impossible.
I'm working to get off of the anti-depressants~ so freely perscribed, because I really have no idea if it is me or if it is the medication.
I'm frustrated because nothing turned out the way I thought it would and it is
hard to imagine a new future. Of course I will move forward. But I just wanted to stomp my foot for a moment and say IT'S NOT FAIR. Because I hope this is the place I can do that. No one said it would be fair. I know that. Just wanting to voice my disappointment. Tomorrow is a new day and for that, I am grateful.
Jubilee - First I truly hope you are getting off the anti-depressants with your Dr’s help. They can be tricky.
When I look at how I have changed - and there’s been a lot of adjusting even for me not to mention the people in my life, I often wonder if it’s for the better. When I am on a bad spell those people I care for are deeply concerned and I see it. There’s a lot more calls, more “orders” of what I should or shouldn’t do. It’s a lot of compromising isn’t it? I think it’s because they are still afraid they will lose us that makes some not open up.
I’m lucky, most of the people in my life aren’t afraid to speak up. That in itself has helped me tremendously in my healing journey.
Here’s my suggestion - write a list, make two columns one of your personality before your surgeries and one for now. For instance pre-rupture, I was pretty quiet, letting others do the talking, now post rupture, I’ve become a talker. The other thing I’d do, is write down the disappointments you feel about yourself. Maybe, and we don’t know each other, but maybe what you’re feeling is your own disappointments. Then create goals for yourself.
Perhaps you can sit down with those people you feel aren’t being honest and have a honest conversation. Let them know how important it is for you. Show them your lists or at least talk about it.
I also strongly suggest that you work with a licensced therapist. Especially with coming off the anti depressants.
Thanks for being strong enough to share your feelings and yes, this I’d the perfect place to stomp your foot and do that (I like that image I just want to encourage you to meet and embrace your “new normal”. I remember when someone first mentioned her to me, I was NOT elated. I longed for the old me and continued to think and work toward getting “back the old me”. What I’ve learned is that there are unrefined diamonds that we’ve been given but we have to acknowledge the opportunity we’ve been given. I would add another column to Moltrub’s list and at the top of the column I would put “diamonds”. Yes, there have been changes in each of us. But hold that difference up and really examine it. Is there some good that you can find? This was hard work for me because my previously type A- personality so nothing good about what I had become. It was like mining for diamonds. But, I’m learning to like my new self and see new possibilities for my life. I am.finally excited to wake up and welcome each day. I try not to get caught up in what was but instead focus on what can be…you will find your bearings. This journey is not for the faint of heart but each day gives us a new opportunity to love what we have been given with our new normal! I am sure yours is beautiful so search for the brilliance! Hang in there!
You have changed, you have gone through a life threatening ordeal. None of us can say we are as we were before. I have changed - I get up every day and say Thank You for my waking. I go to bed with thanks for the people I've encountered, for being able to get up and walk, phone, watch television. I was on anti-depressants, went off but it was not a terrific idea. For the several years, I was not taking them, I felt dis-jointed, unable to fit in, mean and not very happy I was working etc. Then I detailed all my feelings to my neruo-not a famly dr. He put me on a different medication and I have to say I feel much better and more productive.
You are not a disappontment to anyone, you are a joy and a gift. Stomp your feet anytime you feel like it, I have to agree it's not fair, but you are strong and can make it through anything.
I agree with everyone here, but I understand exactly what you are saying. I have the same feeling, although I am currently not on anti-depressants. I have also determined it is me. For some reason (possibly the recent brain surgery right? lol), not only have I been extra moody, but I am more sensitive to other people's moods as well. I am constantly reminding myself that they are not mad at me, they are not keeping things from me and they are not holding back or disappointed in me.
It is not you, just the way it feels. The best way to deal with this, especially with family and loved ones, is to talk to them and keep asking questions so your loved ones know you are open to what they have to say. Don't give up on them, and they won't give up on you. Lucky for me, my family and friends have been really supportive, but I've told my colleagues that I am extra sensitive and will be asking for more affirmation for now (and then I feel like I'm driving them nuts and they will lose patience with me). I have no confidence in myself right now because I still learning to love me and my "new normal" (which I am currently thoroughly frustrated with also, but that's a vent for another post).
But you shouldn't hide behind a smile. You have every right to feel what you are feeling, because this was a traumatic event. Maybe if you can admit to yourself that things are not fine, your family can stop pretending that everything is fine as well and then can help you get back to fine sooner. It will take time and it will get better.
I am writing this for you, but in the process I am reminding myself (I am also not as patient as I was before). Right now I am just hoping it is not permanent, especially the sudden anger bursts I get, but the only thing we can all do is deal with it one day at a time (and vent on this site :).
Take care and here's to you and your wonderful future :)
hi! of course they are holding back- we scared the daylights out of them! At least i did in a 6 day coma. I dont think they are being dishonest just being wary in these uncharted waters, hang in there things will improve as we ALL learn, tc
Thank you Moltroub, I think you may be right. I will make that list. It may very well be my own disappointments. That actually struck a cord with me. I am in the process of finding another therapist. I had an insurance change in April so I'm also going through the change over of one system to another. As I'm sure you all know, that by itself is pretty trying. Thanks again and I'll continue to post :-)
Moltroub said:
Jubilee - First I truly hope you are getting off the anti-depressants with your Dr's help. They can be tricky.
When I look at how I have changed - and there's been a lot of adjusting even for me not to mention the people in my life, I often wonder if it's for the better. When I am on a bad spell those people I care for are deeply concerned and I see it. There's a lot more calls, more "orders" of what I should or shouldn't do. It's a lot of compromising isn't it? I think it's because they are still afraid they will lose us that makes some not open up.
I'm lucky, most of the people in my life aren't afraid to speak up. That in itself has helped me tremendously in my healing journey.
Here's my suggestion - write a list, make two columns one of your personality before your surgeries and one for now. For instance pre-rupture, I was pretty quiet, letting others do the talking, now post rupture, I've become a talker. The other thing I'd do, is write down the disappointments you feel about yourself. Maybe, and we don't know each other, but maybe what you're feeling is your own disappointments. Then create goals for yourself.
Perhaps you can sit down with those people you feel aren't being honest and have a honest conversation. Let them know how important it is for you. Show them your lists or at least talk about it.
I also strongly suggest that you work with a licensced therapist. Especially with coming off the anti depressants.
Thank you so much Lseejay, You've said a couple of things that are right on the money. The old "me" is alive and well and is living impatiently in my head. I will add to Moltrubs list. However, even though it has been 6 years, this is the first place I have said all of this. The "new" (more or less) me is still forming. Again, thank you for your words of encouragement :-)
Lseejay said:
Thanks for being strong enough to share your feelings and yes, this I'd the perfect place to stomp your foot and do that (I like that image ;-) I just want to encourage you to meet and embrace your "new normal". I remember when someone first mentioned her to me, I was NOT elated. I longed for the old me and continued to think and work toward getting "back the old me". What I've learned is that there are unrefined diamonds that we've been given but we have to acknowledge the opportunity we've been given. I would add another column to Moltrub's list and at the top of the column I would put "diamonds". Yes, there have been changes in each of us. But hold that difference up and really examine it. Is there some good that you can find? This was hard work for me because my previously type A- personality so nothing good about what I had become. It was like mining for diamonds. But, I'm learning to like my new self and see new possibilities for my life. I am.finally excited to wake up and welcome each day. I try not to get caught up in what was but instead focus on what can be...you will find your bearings. This journey is not for the faint of heart but each day gives us a new opportunity to love what we have been given with our new normal! I am sure yours is beautiful so search for the brilliance! Hang in there!
Oh my gosh freedomx2...you said: "I am more sensitive to other people's moods as well. I am constantly reminding myself that they are not mad at me, they are not keeping things from me and they are not holding back or disappointed in me." And that is me to a tee! AND you said: "I have no confidence in myself right now because I still learning to love me and my "new normal" (which I am currently thoroughly frustrated with also, but that's a vent for another post)." THATS me again!
I guess I need to quit being so frustrated with myself and just assuming everyone is just as frustrated with me.
These kind words from people at this support group have meant to world to me. Thank you everyone. I'm taking it all to heart. freedomx2 said:
I agree with everyone here, but I understand exactly what you are saying. I have the same feeling, although I am currently not on anti-depressants. I have also determined it is me. For some reason (possibly the recent brain surgery right? lol), not only have I been extra moody, but I am more sensitive to other people's moods as well. I am constantly reminding myself that they are not mad at me, they are not keeping things from me and they are not holding back or disappointed in me.
It is not you, just the way it feels. The best way to deal with this, especially with family and loved ones, is to talk to them and keep asking questions so your loved ones know you are open to what they have to say. Don't give up on them, and they won't give up on you. Lucky for me, my family and friends have been really supportive, but I've told my colleagues that I am extra sensitive and will be asking for more affirmation for now (and then I feel like I'm driving them nuts and they will lose patience with me). I have no confidence in myself right now because I still learning to love me and my "new normal" (which I am currently thoroughly frustrated with also, but that's a vent for another post).
But you shouldn't hide behind a smile. You have every right to feel what you are feeling, because this was a traumatic event. Maybe if you can admit to yourself that things are not fine, your family can stop pretending that everything is fine as well and then can help you get back to fine sooner. It will take time and it will get better.
I am writing this for you, but in the process I am reminding myself (I am also not as patient as I was before). Right now I am just hoping it is not permanent, especially the sudden anger bursts I get, but the only thing we can all do is deal with it one day at a time (and vent on this site :).
Take care and here's to you and your wonderful future :)
Thank you Dianne, for your words of encouragement...I do appreciate it. I am curious about your switch in meds. Though I'm going off of them it may turn out in the future that I may need an anti-depressant. However, I'm of the mindset to try some alternatives before I go down that road again. But, you just never know. dianne cooper said:
You have changed, you have gone through a life threatening ordeal. None of us can say we are as we were before. I have changed - I get up every day and say Thank You for my waking. I go to bed with thanks for the people I've encountered, for being able to get up and walk, phone, watch television. I was on anti-depressants, went off but it was not a terrific idea. For the several years, I was not taking them, I felt dis-jointed, unable to fit in, mean and not very happy I was working etc. Then I detailed all my feelings to my neruo-not a famly dr. He put me on a different medication and I have to say I feel much better and more productive.
You are not a disappontment to anyone, you are a joy and a gift. Stomp your feet anytime you feel like it, I have to agree it's not fair, but you are strong and can make it through anything.
Thank you Ronk! and yes we did scare the daylights out of them. I know when I first woke up that my eyes were black and blue and swollen shut. I literally couldn't see or open my eyes for almost 4 days. Thanks again for your encouragement :-) ronk said:
hi! of course they are holding back- we scared the daylights out of them! At least i did in a 6 day coma. I dont think they are being dishonest just being wary in these uncharted waters, hang in there things will improve as we ALL learn, tc
My advice -- get off the "anti" depressants. I did and what a difference! For myself, I feel better about myself if I handle my issues without the help of drugs. I also feel better physically because the antidepressants made me very tired.
I think you may be right about that. I didn't question it six yrs ago. I was very depressed. But now I suspect that after awhile the anti-depressants started to have the opposit effect. When I thought the depression was getting worse, they would up the meds. Just a few months ago I finally felt complete dispair. I just couldn't think. I just seem to drift. I hated it. NOW...I've got a better grip on things, especially how I'm seeing other people. I'm anxious to get off of these completely just to see where I'm really at. I know to back off slowly...but hurry up already! I'm hoping to one way or another, return to work. Thanks for your advice. I've taken it to heart. Carol Brown said:
My advice -- get off the "anti" depressants. I did and what a difference! For myself, I feel better about myself if I handle my issues without the help of drugs. I also feel better physically because the antidepressants made me very tired.
I just want to encourage you to meet and embrace your “new normal”. I remember when someone first mentioned her to me, I was NOT elated. I longed for the old me and continued to think and work toward getting “back the old me”. What I’ve learned is that there are unrefined diamonds that we’ve been given but we have to acknowledge the opportunity we’ve been given. I would add another column to Moltrub’s list and at the top of the column I would put “diamonds”. Yes, there have been changes in each of us. But hold that difference up and really examine it. Is there some good that you can find? This was hard work for me because my previously type A- personality so nothing good about what I had become. It was like mining for diamonds. But, I’m learning to like my new self and see new possibilities for my life. I am.finally excited to wake up and welcome each day. I try not to get caught up in what was but instead focus on what can be…you will find your bearings. This journey is not for the faint of heart but each day gives us a new opportunity to love what we have been given with our new normal! I am sure yours is beautiful so search for the brilliance! Hang in there!