“Thirty minutes exercise. That’s all you get. You don’t want it; we take you back.”
“No, I WANT IT. I want it.”
This quotation is from the film Murder in the First. Henry has just been released from solitary confinement after two years. He believes he’s being returned to the general population. Instead, he’s told he only has half an hour for exercise, and after they’ll be returning him to solitary confinement. He’s devastated by this but still wants the opportunity regardless of how much time he has. My two year anniversary of surviving my ruptured brain aneurysm is a few days away, and thankfully most of the problems I still experience are more of a nuisance than anything else. My balance and vision are compromised, and I don’t remember almost all of my dreams, but I’ve adjusted to it. However, what is still difficult is I have trouble making emotional connections. Here’s an example: Last summer, I was on a lake in New Hampshire. Intellectually, I could recognize the beauty of the sun setting on the water, but the emotional euphoria I used to experience was absent. So, there are days when that is much more difficult to reconcile, and I begin questioning what purpose my life can have? Other days are easier. I think of a quotation from The Aeneid which I got as a tattoo “Someday, perhaps, remembering even this will be a pleasure.” I hold out hope for that to happen, and similar to Henry, I’ll take it; even though there is no certainty.