Brain Aneurysm Support Community

I didn't realize

Hi, I’m a new user. My ruptured clipped aneurysm was 2-4-13. I am recently divorced and living by myself for the first time in 38 years. I’m having a really hard time cooping with the loneliness and thought I would find a group to volunteer with to fill some time. I stumbled across this site yesterday and from reading a lot of the posts realized, that a lot of my issues could be related to my aneurysm. I thought it was done, healed, past history… I was one of the lucky ones that didn’t have any major issues… boy, I guess was I wrong.
I am depressed. I have major mood swings. I cant sleep for more then 2-3 hours at a time. I can’t always find the word… but I can describe it, sometimes my hands shake. There are other things too but my point is I think a lot of this was going on the whole time, but I didn’t realize it until I was by myself and had to deal with it.
I had a very “black” day two days ago and scared myself. I have my VA annual check up at the end of this month and have decided it’s time to say something… I can’t do this alone anymore!!! Thank God my ex-husband is still a friend and willing to listen to me when I need someone to hear me… He doesn’t totally understand, but he tries and was there when it happened.
Thank you for opening my eyes to the possibility that I’m not healed yet. 6 years is not enough time to figure it all out.

Sorry to hear you are experiencing all this ,for me on the bad days when everything seems in life not good , the good book , good music is very helpful , actually learning a new instrument takes my mind off from any negative thoughts , Art painting is so destructive also , going to the concert is wonderful and simple therapy . Joseph Haydn said once : people have so much sorrow and unhappiness in their life , that I really hope that my music will distract them from their negative thoughts and make them happier … ( it’s not a quote , just saying it in my words) .

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Wenjo, glad you found this group! I’ve got a few questions if you don’t mind…Do you have a Neurologist? When you say VA check up, are you a Veteran?

The neurologist should be able to clarify why you’re having issues. I recall several months before I ruptured, the VA was needing therapists specializing in Neuro issues.

I am a veteran. I live in Grand Junction CO… 28 miles from Utah. The Neurologist that did my surgery is in Denver… 4 hours away. The VA hospital here is great, and I think it has a neurologist that I might have seen when I got back from the surgery, but I can’t remember for sure. I plan on bringing this all up on the 29 when I see them.

Wenjo, the majority of aneurysm occur along the Circle of Willis which involves the front and mid brain. So, it is not surprising why so many survivors suffer from cognitive, memory, and emotional issues. I attend a monthly aneurysm support group where your complaints are very common with other aneurysm survivors. Fortunately, I believe that VA hospitals handles TBI cases where survivors experience similar issues in cognition/emotional issues. I would request your full medical records where you had your surgery. It will indicate where you had your rupture, the thickness of the bleed and any evidence of stroke. As your ex knows you very well, he can provide input if you changed in personality after your surgery. Hopefully, you can be referred to a clinical neuro- psychologist who can provide a strategy in coping with your issues. At the same time, emotions from a divorce are real. It is a traumatic and depressing experience in coping with loss and rejection. Do you have family members and friends that you can count on? I know that it is hard from my own divorce which happened prior to my rupture. Good luck and I hope that you find balance and happiness in your life in the near future.

I believe my aneurysm was off the carotid artery just after the first major split behind my right eye. So that would still be front and mid brain. I also think that the hospital did forward my records to the VA hospital here, with the CT scans. The only thing I know about the thickness of bleed was a comment I remember hearing… “there is a lot of blood”. LOL very medical. They also tried the coil first and decided it was not going to work so they had to put in the clip the next day.

As to the “emotions from a divorce are real” so true!! Which leads me to second guess if all of these issues are from the aneurysm, the divorce, or with both and they are “feeding” off each other.

I will be hanging in there till I see the VA and I will bring all of this up…

Thank you so much for your comments… It’s so comforting to know I’m not totally alone.

Thank you for your service! The VA should have everything you need. Make a list of all your questions and issues.

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It is hard sometimes to think that we are not better. I hope that you are going to a support group. If not look on under support on this sight and find a group. People may ask how you’re doing and you may try and explain, but only those who have gone through it understand before you even finish your sentence. Our pain is called the “Hidden Injury”. We have it, but no one sees it.

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Hey Wendy,
You’ve been given some great advice here and please know you are not alone in your battles, others may try to comprehend and that’s nice. But we know because we have been there too.
We often have the idea that, like any other injury, 6-8 weeks later and we’re all healed. But this is not how things work with a brain injury, some aspects of life can return unhindered, where as some others can be devastated and devastating. I had the plans of recover, return to work and the rest of my life would simply continue as before. Ooppss, well, that didn’t happen and I hated myself for it. I pushed myself past my limits with the idea "I could before, so I can now’ I just had to build up some stamina. The more I pushed, the more my body pushed back. It was telling me ‘ENOUGH ALREADY’ but my ego wasn’t gonna listen, so I pushed even harder with the end result being me back in hospital requiring further neurosurgery. E.v.e.n.t.u.a.l.l.y. I did learn, all my ‘normal’ limits had changed and I had to listen to my body, not my mind. Even today, 6yrs since my last surgery, I still battle with this and I hate it, but the honest truth of it all is that I have no choice and that’s been really difficult to accept. Some days that acceptance is ok, other days it’s as hard as hell to accept. But I have to manage within my body’s limits.

Merl from the Moderator Support Team

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Dear Wendjo,
Like you, when I found this group it was a real gift.
And, what you are experiencing is real. I’ve mentioned this before, a neuropsychologist is also a great tool to help you navigate what you are experiencing. I’ve had 2 cognitive impairment tests and have found the areas where my cognitive function was hit the most. A neuropsychologist also has the therapy part as well as the neuro and can explain things in a language I/you can understand.
When we found the 2nd aneurysm about 10 years after the 1st was clipped, my neuropsychologist helped me make a pro/con list about whether to get this one fixed or not. I talked to her a lot about the cons of waiting. (I had it clipped)
This group has really helped me on days when I’m having a pity party. I read about someone’s milestone, someone who is tougher than me will give me hope and these wonderful people just give me strength without knowing it.
Good luck as you find out more about yourself. I’ll keep you in my thoughts…

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I find I’m exactly this way , limiting my life I’m having a hard job accepting this. I’m 65 and had a 28mm coiled with two stents placed last year. Since then ,I’ve had to learn to walk again. Broke my arm after too many falls . I’m suffering from blurred vision and dizziness now . Had an MRI scan and the coiling and stents are dong their job but it could take a long long time before I get better ,if ever . He thinks this could be the new me :disappointed:. I’m lucky my husband does everything in the house now ,really gets me down though . There are very small changes to the good though apart from the frozen face which drives me nuts , it seems the BEAST is leaning on a nerve which affects the eye and making the face frozen . It feels like I’ve been to the dentist . Hopefully,in time ,I’ll have better news to post . Take care , Shona :hugs::black_flag:󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

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You guys are all so awesome!!! This has been very helpful. I am making a list of stuff to bring up at my VA appointment. With all of your help I know what needs to be on it.
Thank you all so much!!!

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Hello Wendy,
It’s just now that I returned here in our world silly of me I know. but we really can’t put our selves in misery we all know that we must move on with our lives and make it productive.
Like you had my Annie clipped for 14 years now, Yes I said it right 14 years still alive and making my life worthy by guiding my children on their lives. I hope they won’t inherit this Annie. With regards to your "ex-husband, I do know how you feel though, we’re on the same house just for the kids. this is why I’m here also to unwind and have a place to release my innermost thought. Really it’s hurting me but I know It will pass.
I just want you to know that we are here and you can always tell what’s on your mind we’re open to hearing your opinion without a doubt.

Love lots,
Maes

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My Neurosurgeon practiced at Tripler Army Hospital while she was in the Navy. I was born in Tripler. The first day she came into Neuro ICU, I hollered “Attention on deck!” The RN asked what I was talking about, she wasn’t military, I adamantly insisted the Captain had just come in. I was trying to get out of bed and stand at attention. It had been about 30 years since I wore a Navy uniform. The RN looked out and sure enough Dr. Quintero Wolfe had entered ICU. She has that effect on folks. Dr. Q-W had heard me and shared she was at Tripler having just come to WFBH a couple of months before. I always trust a Navy doctor, dentists…not so much😂

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lol!.. Yeah, same here. I was transferred at V-LUNA medical hospital which my father is my sponsor to take me into their military facility, I thank God for that! so close encounter of death.as they are all telling me that my dad really chose the doctors for the operation though it was a life and death situation my husband said I was the first priority that time to use the operating room, my Nuerosurgeon that time was Dr. Valentin they say he was now transferred and now a retired as well living in the US. for me having a good looks and a perfect responce everytime my life was in 20/50 situation before he never said I won’t survive my fate as a human, he alway’s tells everyone in my room ICU that I was his life thropy. we have many story to tell I know different but in some matter same by the situation’s given to us by God…we all have “miracles” if we just believe it will happen surviving our fate is enough to know that God is Good.

LOVELOTS
Maes

Maes! So nice to have you drop in. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
Seenie from ModSupport

I agree, we are very, very lucky! Hug the ones you love!

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Yes, Seenie I. had some battles that made me forget that I am a human being too that I too wanted to have a support to just give in advice with my life. been strong for my children but hurting inside of me when no else is around, my life now a day’s is in a roller coaster ride but I, kept holding on just for eldest daughter who I depend on now. because my husband is cheating on me that we all feel it and I’m just waiting for the worst part that could be done. seeing my self all of these makes me think 'Is this the last part of the epesode of my real life drama or it continously go on and on until my life is over…I thank God for everyday’s grace he won’t forget to guide me and keep showing me the good path which and where to go lastly thankful for this community atleast I had some friends were I can be my self and not pretending that I’m"okay because I’m not at this point",

After 13 years surviving Annie supporting my family getting jobs from many platforms, Gave all effort that I knew I need to give. I’m in my worst part but still, does anyone here had the same situation like i do? can you tell /share what did you do to surpass the the highlight of your life?

LOVE LOTS,
Maes

Maes, I’m sorry to hear about your husband. We cannot control the actions and choices of others, just ourselves. Which is why it’s so important that we take care of ourselves first. Perhaps you can go to a therapist who can help you through this.

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Yeah, I did a bad choice somewhere I think…and yes Need therapist about this. Actually my PT doctor have had told me about this 5 years ago that I have to pursue my rehabilitation to gain my self respect and to handle everything on my own, but did’nt listen. Because that time my eldest child needs to be enrolled in a school which my husband is a school service driver they need my help to send her to that school which tuition fee is very high. so there I know the blame is on me no body else, it’s just I’m deeply hurt by the fact that the only thing that is left is me , my self and my children.