How to support my husband

My husband still in hospital after 3.5 months, his body still not responsive though slowly returning but very mrntally responsive. Does any one still believe there is hope. His brother blames me for not letting go but after really bad hospital care his current internist now has him medically stable sittingup 2 hours a day . He is soclose to talkingeven though has already said a few words. Butlegs not working.He has survived the level 4 bleed, vaso spasms, pneumonia and a bad bed wound due to poor care in hospital. He was recentlymoved to longterm care andis now getting abovegreat care andit shows. Anyone other than me think he has a chance or am I delusional.

You, of course, have the the various choices regarding living will, etc. My suggestion (please take it as such) is that you not abandon him. He needs you now more than ever. There is hope–everyone’s recovery is different. He needs to know you love and care for him.

Hi Pat, my heart goes out to you. You are a strong woman who has given so much to your husband and your son, and I’m glad you reached out to us here. You are not alone here, I promise! A burden shared is a burden lessened.

I worry for you and I’m wondering if there are any support groups offered through the long term care facility?

I changed your post to its own discussion topic so more of our members will see it, I hope that is okay. Thinking of you and your husband,

Meli from Mod Support

After 3.5 months in hospital my husband has survived a stage 4 bleeding aneurysm , pneumonia and bladder infection. I was told he had very little hope for survival from surgeon but was put in long term care and is now medically stable. Though his legs are still not working he is aware when you touch them.He has said a few words but not started talking.He is very mentally responsive and his left hand works very well, the left is clawed a bit but he raises off bed. He is now sitting up 2 hours a day but has a bad bed wound. He is on a wound vac and the wound is healing.He shakes hands with people and gazes endlessly at his only son. I feel though friends and family don, t that my hubby and I have lost connection even though I kiss and hug him and rub his body with cream every day.I won, t give up hope but think he maybe does notknow me. Any ideas on my feelings.

There is always hope! Like you said, he is the love of your life and if things were the other way around, he would most likely do the same for you. Don’t let anybody make you feel guilty about any of your decisions-- siblings or otherwise. Only you know the relationship that you have with your husband and only you can make decisions that are best for you. You know your situation, both emotionally and financially and what you’re capable of handling. Even though my aneurysm was caught before it ruptured, I had a long recovery post-surgery.I heard from so many different sources at the time that the brain takes a very long time to heal. While 3 1/2 months seems like a very long time right now, it is still early in the recovery process. My heart goes out to you and I will be thinking of you. Hang in there – – you are doing the right thing.

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Oh yes there is hope. My husband was in hospital for 5 1/2 months after his rupture. Has 4 months of amnesia. We are 23 1/2 months into recovery. The brain heals very slowly. I could not have believed 2 years ago how much he would have recovered in a year, and I would not have believed a year ago that he would be this much better today. Long recovery also means that hope lives for a long time.

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I thank you meli for caring its hard to understand because so many people are too busy enjoying their lives. I know this is my life now but cannot understand Why…? It changed in a moment and I find it hard to accept other people, good fortune because I don, t ever anticipate being happy agian. The worst isi was never resentful of others being happy.was athospital today so little has changedin fact hubby was having issues with secrections after havingtwo weeks of stable health.he doeshowever showsigns of multitasking he now watches tv and when called he will turn and pay attention.but is this a tiny improvement or a big one.

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My husband is recovering after a stage 4 subaracnoid a

Today iam

Toda has been close to 5 months in hospital . My hugsban

It is good news that your husband can see, and follow dialogue on the tv. If he has one hand that works, keep exercising it so the muscles don’t contract. Not every day is a good day, sorry to have to say. Those hard days we have to persevere through, because there will be a better day coming. I do not mean to be a Pollyanna, but this is my learned experience from nearly two years of my husband’s recovery from a ruptured aneurysm. Your love and care are making to world of difference to his recovery. BUT, we are in a marathon, this is not a sprint. You have to give yourself time off to refresh and take care of yourself, you can’t give what you don’t have. There are folks here who have been through our own similar valley of the shadow of death. You are not alone.

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Thinking of you today. Every improvement is a big improvement and is a reason to celebrate. I found it helpful to keep a journal. My husband’s condition yes, but also my thoughts and feelings. You can be happy again, you will be happy again. In the midst of grief and chaos, if you can hold on to that thought, it will help to pull you through. If you are a person of faith, remember that God always brings new life out of death. Always. There will be a day, some day, that you will again sit and relax and say ‘life is good.’


Thankyou Judy for your words of encouragement. My husband suffered a stsge four but he is using one hand and the second one they are working wiand i am told very bright behind eyes.he nods yes and no but he is not walking, taking, or eating. I am told his body is very strong. MONTHS. in therapy. He is very sharp still not walking taking or eating. However the previous doctor gave up and allowed my husband to get a stage 4 would something i will nevrr forgive but Dennis now has a big odstacle tobovercome.But he is doing it and now sitting up straight and holding hisupper body like a the understanding from his reactions but sorry for horrible spelling having trouble with my pad.

      Heis an in

What you report is progress and something to celebrate! When my wife was in recovery five years ago, the medical professionals cautioned us about measuring progress day to day; they suggested week to week or even month to month. It can be very slow. We were blessed in often seeing progress day to day. We live with the consequences today, but my wife can do almost everything she did before. She mostly has to be slower and think things through, but she is doing great. She was a stage 5 on the Hunt and Hess Classification, the worst. Blessings to you!


Thankyou you do not know how much I appreciate your response.I am now living wit the guilt from my brother inlaw who believes I should have let my husband go.however when I ask him how he tells me that is my decision.
My adult son and I would never have ever considered that he is the love of our lives and I still intend to spend my retirement years with him even if I have to wait. I can still visit him at hopital.Was your wife walking taking or eating after the aneurysm. My hubby is very alert and medically stable, he can respond just has, t talked but he has since this started.He is not walking but legs have good circulation. He is still on feed bag but swallows, the hospital allowed him
to get a bad bed wound because of his code of care until I fought the administration.his surgeon gave up after 1 month. He has come through a trache vasospasms and everthing this could throw at him. But he is still here and I was told he has very bright eyes, I still have hope. Does any of this sound like what your wife has been through. How did you get through this yourself, I feel a little bit of me dies everyday.

My wife couldn’t do anything after the aneurysm. Part of it was the aneurysm, but part of it was being on life support for weeks. After that she had to basically learn everything all over again. Looking back now, it came back fairly quickly, but it was little by little, and at that time no one knew how long it would take.
Being the responsible person beside the ill person is very difficult. I had a great support group in family and friends–the friends mostly because of church fellowship. But at times I still felt alone, because none of them were experiencing what I was. I don’t think it can be any different. I can’t express much here, but there was Someone at the end of my faith to whom I could appeal, and I received strength to go on. I will not belittle your trouble, but I do believe encouragement is available. I was committed to talking care of my Ruth no matter the outcome.

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Each person’s injury and their healing is different, but yes, my husband had to relearn how to swallow and talk and walk. It took months and months. This is a hard road. No question. What the end result will be, we do not know. How much healing there will be, we do not know. We DO know things get better. They do. At about the 6 month mark of my husband’s recovery, I could not stop crying. He did not know why and I could not tell him. It helped to get counselling and ultimately an antidepressant, because I have to carry us both and I needed help. The challenge is to see what IS there, not what is not. Strength and courage to you. There are others here for you.


*Hello Patty
Thank you for your support, I thank you for your positive words, I found most of our friends and his brother think I should have let him go. I will never do that. That is God, s will.mine is to love and support him and our son will never give up.I desperately want the chance to grow old with Dennis.But after 4.5 months he has hung in there and is medically stable. His surgeon gaveup one month after surgery even though he told us it would take time. Dennis is still not walking , taking or eating but in 3 weeks his back has gotten strong, abad bed wound is healing, he is very responsive and trys to change the station on t, v,the one thing he has done is verbally told my son he loves him including saying yes when he asked.He is now under care of a doctor who believes if dennis can get well he will.please tell me if I am naiev I have been told that too.i will believe if a stranger who has gone through this tells me familyaremy greatest allies they believe dennis will get well in time. Thank you for giving my message your time I don, t seem tohave any friends left but maybe I never did. Take care please tell me more about your situation it really helps and I do not want to be a taker I want to think maybe taking to someone pwill help them to.

It is a shame friends can’t be supportive rather than judgemental at a time like this. You say you have your family support and you and your son seem to be in this together. If it were my husband, I would be doing exactly what you’re doing. Just hang onto hope for now and give things time. I am glad you have found a supportive doctor to help care for your husband, unlike the surgeon who gave up after one month. I hope others on this site–in addition to those who have already responded–who are caregivers with a similar situation will come forward to offer you some advice. It’s always helpful to know someone walking in your shoes.