How do you find motivation to keep going?

I'm in my twenties and had a ruptured aneurysm earlier this year. I know that things take time to heal, but I have no idea what to do sometimes. I have:

  1. daily, SEVERE headaches. the dr's prescribe me vicodin which doesn't work so I throw it away.
  2. motion issues. I can no longer watch 3-d movies or look at rocks as I walk by them because it throws me off. even checkered patterns make me dizzy. rightnow I feel like my brain is literally contracting.
  3. I get spacey, where things don't make sense sometimes.
  4. issues with loud noises.
  5. the list goes on.

Most people have children/family to keep their minds occupied, but I don't. This is all confusing to me. I get so tired of explaining to people why i'm not as sharp as I used to be, or why my hair is shorter (had to be shaved bald for the surgery), or why I am constanltly in pain. It took so much for me to admit that my short term memory is shot.

I was in the middle of starting grad school and now I can't go. Yes I am blessed to be alive but this is hard.

Sorry for venting.

Hi Tatiana~

Your brain needs more time to heal. There is no magic answers, but the best advise I can give based upon my personal experiences are that it is better for me not to push myself too hard. Maybe going to grad school is something that you will be able to do later, but maybe it isn't that important right now. Or maybe it can be done a class at a time or thorugh an independant thesis project with a caring and supportive advisor.

As far as explaining to others why you are not as sharp as you were, or your hair is shorter, or why so many of the other things are what they are, you can decide if you want to share that information or not. At times I use those opportunities to educate others - because I feel so very fortunate that I am a survivor adn there aer so many that have no idea and have only heard about deaths after an aneursym. Other times I have decided not to share because my emotional health may not be ready to handle it at that moment that day. And for those that judge me... I ask myself who are they to judge or why is their opinion of any importance?

You mention that most others have children and family to keep them occupied, I have learned that family is what you make it. My family may be dear friends or new relationships that I make. New hobbies can take the place of things that are too difficult for you to continue (and some can even strengthen your brain and let you slowy regain some functioning.)

There are a million possibilities, but only you can decide what those may be for you - and they will change over time. I do know that there is a reason that this happened to me and I am learning to listen to that message. I have found greater joy in my life now than I had a year ago and I hope you will as well.

No one can realy know how another person feels but at least here you can know there are people who have been through similar issues and are willing to listen. I know it does take time to heal. I think the fact that you are young is in your favor. I’m over fifty and things don’t seem to heal quite so fast with me. I wouldn’t waste too much time explaining yourself. If people don’t like you they won’t listen anyway and if they are true friends they don’t want an explanation. They just want you.

Tatiana, ok to vent, that is why we are here. It takes a really long time to heal. You need to work with you primary care physician or a neurologist to help you with some of these issues. I still struggle with balance issues and some other things and my neurologist has helped me so much as has my primary care doctor. You may be able to continue your schooling at a later date, let your body continue to heal for a while. Rest is really important too while you are healing. Take care, hang in there, it really does get better. It's just very slow.