General category is a great category as it’s the one most used, you did well Kim! Living with someone who had a SAH is often like being on a merry go round and it either goes to slow or way to fast, especially in the first few years. I’ve had a few outbursts since I popped my pipe. Never being one that had outbursts before, it wasn’t fun. In hindsight they’ve always been related to stress or medication one of my doctors put me on, or pain. The meds were the worse of the cause for me, one I was put on I actually told BH to move out! It took a long time for me to say “brain burn” and I was patting that area. The back of my brain felt like a volcano was erupting and I felt I would hurt BH. BH was livid and told me to be very careful of what I said, I held fast to what I said. Fortunately BH being the person they are was able to calm down and said they would if I’d come mow the grass. I asked if BH would still cook for me and in the end we were both laughing a little. That was a horrible day and I still had the appointment with one of my doctors and went off on them for not knowing why I was on a medication. I stopped all of them that day, all of them - the allergy meds, the med that was causing the issue and the heart med. I don’t recommend doing that and the following weekend was the worse. I have never taken the med that caused my brain to burn and have not gone back on my heart med. I feel better for it. Apparently the heart med was one I shouldn’t have gone back on after I ruptured due to my vasospasms I think it was, can’t recall now.
I do know how to control behavior, heck I taught those skills for a very long time. It doesn’t mean I can always apply them to myself now. Just last year I was way to stressed and threw a cussin to a trades woman who was tossing drywall mud out a window. The neurologist wrote a prescription for those times as they affect all my issues.
So look at the side effects of his meds if he is on any, it may very well be one of the rare side effects. Talk to his doctors, he is just a year out or so does he have a Neurologist yet? My earliest melt down was to our drunk neighbor who was teasing our new dog. BH called the Neurosurgeon and back in I went, got my MRI/A and seems I was still having vasospasms, it resulted in my second procedure as my coils had compacted. If he had an endovascular procedure and not a craniotomy, that could be the culprit.
It is very hard for men to agree to go to a therapist. We have been raised in a society that think men shouldn’t need to ask for help as it shows they are weak, which we know is poppycock. The strongest people I know are the ones able to ask for help when they need it. I once responded to a very bad domestic violence situation and the man asked if I thought he was a “real man”. He didn’t like my reply when I said real men don’t beat their wives. Another DV situation and the wife was accusing her husband when it ended up being her who was the abuser. I would tell you the same advice I always gave to women, if he goes off, do not follow him around the house talking. Let him go to another room or you go to another room, you really need to separate yourself. It really doesn’t matter if it’s a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, if the one who is getting madder by the minute, do not bait or feed their anger more, remove yourself. Wait until the situation has calmed down and then wait some more before trying to communicate. It is for your own safety.
While he may not be open to going to a therapist, you can. There may be a support group you can go to, look for either a TBI support group for caregivers or a Stroke support group for caregivers as either may be accessible for you. There aren’t many support groups for caregivers for SAH so we have to find what’s available in the area we reside. Ben’s Friends also has an online Caregivers Support group the link is on our home page. Also please keep your phone with you, call 911 if need be and let the police help.
Remember his healing isn’t done by any means, this takes years, not months or days.