First Christmas

This was our first Christmas without Mom and it was less than merry. We all seemed to just go through the motions, more or less. I had my Dad & sister over on Christmas Eve, just us. Everything about these 2 days seemed off. It was beyond sad. I would be sitting on the couch talking about things, sometimes laughing. Then it would hit me that Mom’s really not here. It is all very unreal, still after 9 weeks. Somedays it feels like it just happened yesterday, other days it feels like its been years. I can’t concentrate for very long & it’s been that way for a while now. I think it’s safe to say that this holiday season held nothing special. Without Mom it all seems meaningless.

Everybody keeps saying, you’ll get through this, you’ll be fine, it gets better, the first holiday is the hardest,etc. it all just goes in one ear and out the other, no offense. My Moms Dr. told me to get an MRI twice a year to screen for aneurysms. That’s all well & good, but as I think about it… Do I want to know? My Mom knew and even with the best Dr. @ U.N.M.C she died. I start to ask myself if hers couldn’t be fixed what makes me do sure mine could be(if I had one)? Maybe I would want to know so I wouldn’t drive anymore, I wouldn’t want to take innocent people with me. Aside from that, would I want to know my fate? Would I want to know? Alot to think about these days.

what a heavy load you're being forced to carry. i'm so sorry for your tremendous loss.

please forgive people for what they say, they just don't know what to say and don't know it's sometimes better to remain quiet and be supportive by simply listening and giving a hug.

i'm glad you came here. i'm glad you've found the support of people who have been there. all of this is still very new to me so i'm struggling to find the right words to help others down this path but know my heart breaks for you and your family.

i encourage you to get a copy of "many lives, many masters" by dr brian weiss as soon as possible. that book is the gift of understanding and healing within its pages. once you know our souls are immortal, dealing with death isn't quite as difficult. see, souls travel together and we do see each other again. i'm not religious but this book is everything i've already instinctively known. know you will see your mom again and in the meantime, she's in a safe, happy place learning valuable life lessons for next go-round. promise me you'll read the book and get back to me?

and i leave you with this;

don't cry for me

do not stand at my grave and weep;

i am not there, i do not sleep.

i am a thousand winds that blow,

i am the diamond glints on the snow,

i am the sunlight on ripened grain,

i am the gentle autumn's rain,

when you awaken in the morning's hush,

i am the swift uplifting rush,

of quiet birds in circled flight,

i am the soft star that shines at night,

do not stand at my grave and cry,

i am not there. i did not die.


Jaime I know how you feel. My Christmas was similar. We lost mom in May this year and I still feel like you. She's never far from my mind and at times I'm in denial, then it hits me she's not here. We did our best this Christmas but it was very sad, certainly will never be the same. My dad is so strong, he tried to make it better for us even though he was hurting so much. It never gets better, we just have to learn to deal with the loss and sadness. I really feel for you. Take care, Mitch.

I lost my mom going to be a year and being she was so sick with copd it was a blessing to have the suffering end, and the impression she left on us is to carry on , i left this scripture on her memorial card dont know if your spiritual but read it, 2corinthianschapter4 verses7 through 12

I want to thank you all for your support and kind words. You are all amazing. Thank You

These are not just words , my heart truly broke reading your post . My mother is in prison and has been for a couple of years . I get upset when I can't see her and I needed her so badly when my annie ruptured recently. But I know I will see her again . The thought of that not being the reality .... I am SO sorry for your loss I can not imagine that pain. I jusr recently lost a friend to suicide she went though a horrific ordeal with breast cancer and it just became too much . Sometimes ...its not that i forget shes gone but almost then I realize omg i can't call her shes gone and the heartbreak starts over. Iknow they're aren't any words that will comfort you . Just know she loved you dearlyas all mothers do . close your eyes and imagine she has her arms around you. listen to her favorite song and dance like a fool when you do . :) My heart truly goes out to you and your family !!

Ah Jamie...I can't even imagine how your family felt...this past Christmas...I think your family will have to mourn mom for every event for one year...until you will be able to "embrace the good memories" and move on...

Gotcha in my Thoughts...Colleen