Feel sorry for myself?

Just wanting to vent. Hell, I dunno maybe its a pity party! I can't sleep this past week. I am just bothered that its been 10 months since my clipping and I still don't feel like I used to. I am so off balance. This has taken an emotional toll on me this week. They say "I am strong as bull" but this week I feel like a big baby. I spoke with my doctor last week an told him I feel like gravity kinda just pulls me to the right when I walk. He has suspected a mini stroke.

I can't lift anything still due to a second surgery. It feels like my head will explode and then my eye swells up. My 2 dogs were getting into it over a bone and I went to break them up. Next day I end up with swollen eyes. I ended up having a CSF leak due to the crainiotomy.

Know what else just blows my mind. When people ask me, let's go to the gym to lift weights or ask me to help them move etc. Another one that gets my hair standing up on the back of my neck is for instance. I will be walking to lunch with co-workers to the cafeteria. I don't walk as fast as them because my balance is off. Well, I guess they get tired of walking my pace and they all just walk faster and leave me behind. It makes be feel like crap! What part of I had 2 brain surgeries don't you understand? Are people that dumb! I know I am better off than alot of people here. But, sometimes don't you just get sick of hearing that. Don't get me wrong. I am so ever grateful to be alive. But, at this point I don't think I have really vented. I have just gone with the flow. Did I mention I am frustrated '-)


Bless your heart...you have every right to be frustrated and to vent...people are so not~understanding...let those that don't understand go...and embrace those that do understand...

I think people purposely don't recognize "brain surgery"...because they can't even imagine themselves having ... therefore easier to pretend all is ok...I am finding that this journey of annie's is all about accepting the "new you"... and I know that is hard to do...but when we do...I think people start accepting us for the new us too...and if they don't, well...you know...screw them...oops did I just say that...hahaha....!

Saying a big prayer for you today...I admire you for all you are doing after only 10 months after surgery...admire you too...Cyber~hugs Colleen

Thanks Colleen,

Your words mean more than you will ever know! Hugs to you for your support!


Please feel free to vent for as long as you want, wheneve ryou want. I myself am guilty of venting not that long ago due to some frustration!! I agree with Colleen I think people tend to not recognize or understand anyone who has been through brain surgery because to do that they would have to put themselves in that position. And the last thing anyone wants to think about is having someone poking around in their brain!!!

Please keep venting as long as you want to, whenever you want to. There are plenty of us who will let you get it all off your chest and totally get what you're venting about.

Hugs and prayers your way,


Hi, nice to meet you. I have the same issue with balance and people will not ever understand how we are, they have no idea. A pity party is normal i have them often ,lol. See they may not SEE us on the outside but on the inside oh boy only if they knew. I get very dizzy alot to and try to pace myself. I had a 8mm rupture and had a clipping in 09 and still aint together but keep looking for good results. I have a 73 yr old friend who walks faster then me, lol. Feel free to visit and vent ")))))))))))

Thanks Linda!

Thanks Laurie! Isn’t it frustrating. I am only 39 years old and sometimes I feel much older. But we will get through this.! Thanks again for ongoing support!

Meleah, research cranial nerves on the 'net especially III and VIII; on vision and hearng which have some ave some affect/effect on our balance / coordination and aks your mds; attempt to get a referral to a neuro-oph. .

Where is/are your aneurysm(s) located? Kimberley has had eye swelling. I had hemianopsia and more (can never remember the words) but never had yours and Kimberley's description; at least memory of it.

From the minimally invasive coiling, I had hemianopsia and hearing loss which both can/may be related to balance/coordination. I walked into right walls, doors, fell down stairs...I could not judge distance, tho I passed my driver license testing; after each of my two f/up angios, my vision worsened. My neurolgoist who walks on water referred me to vision therapy; regained balance and the begining of reading/comprehension (still so slow). I never regained my upper right peripheral vision. I saw the neuro-oph some time before therapy and after 6-8 months of therapy, for confirmation of results. I continued it for some months after that.

I have not had the welling that you have experienced but yesterday awakened with a heavily blood-shot left eye for the first time in many years; thus something was shifting somewhere.

I had my first major fall while in Rehab...x-rayed my lumbar spine, and never told my family. Some months after being home I fell down the stairs w/bumps, scrapes and broken glasses.

Meleah, I have passed 8 years; my life is nothing like it was 8+ years ago; it is quite miserable at times; body temp issues, sleep patterns vary; fatigue days I sleep considerably and cannot get my brain to function; still have short-term and learning-memory issues; My tech told me to not upgrade my 2003 Quicken or more until I have accomplished Word 2010; and, they walk me through on the phone.

Try to remember most people, associates, family and friends, see us after we have showered and put on clean clothes with a reasonably normal appearance...and, well, we are in some ways.

Please...use care in walking / exercise and follow-up with asking your doctors for their help in diagnosing; including referral to neuro-oph.

Hugs and Prayers,


*hugs* We can get through this. I know how hard it can be some days- I cried and cried Sat.

Together we are stronger. :)

It's a roller coaster, to be sure. There are good days and bad, good emotions and rough ones. I'm a bit on a downer too right now - more headaches (nearly 11 mos post coiling/stent - unruptured), worry about the 2 unruptured ones that are still there, some depression. SUcks. Yeah - venting is good, and frankly reassuring to know that others get so frustrated too....tho I wish we never had to feel this way.

I do try to trust that it gets better - it's just a rough patch.


Colleen, I like your advise/thoughts...D

Meleah- I totally understand your frustrations (...and I'll stop there!)- D