Thanks for the comments Bonnie and Valerie. i should take pause and write the various images / feelings happening now. A bit of floating, ectasy, joy, love, fear. I am an artist and have a one person show tomorrow night. It's at the Laughing Pint in Baltimore - it's a fun place. The treatment team I work with gave me a surprise lunch along with a soft pair of pj's and throw today. I thought about your comment Valerie - wearing pj bottoms - great idea, good to hear about lip balm too. Between the Sandy storm, my show and surgery - the 3 s's - I'm pumped! Thank you
To Bonnie & Joanne,
One thing that Iād totally forgotton about from my two craniotomies, is that yes light and noise bothered me quite a bit after the 1st surgery yet the 2nd one, not at allā¦I think perhaps because in the 1st surgery, my 3rd cranial nerve/palsy/eye dialation gave me hell (infact thats what brought me to the ER), but on the 2nd craniotomy , I didnāt have the palsy like Iād had before, and honestly my recovery was a breeze compared to the 1st one! I know I was driving in no time, probably a week after surgery, (and scarves and wigs? Nopeāfor some reason, --I canāt even begin to explain thisābut it was almost like, any and all inhibitions or shyness went out the window ! I was strangely more confident, had theses big major stitches across my skull, black and blue face, and I didnāt care who saw me ! ( I even went to an HOA meeting a few days after Iād gotton home, and asked more questions and was more bold then iād ever been before at any other HOA meetings, and felt good about it too! ) It really was weird , since overall Iām pretty quiet and donāt take to public speaking as a rule! And I was in and out of both hospitals, both times, within 3 days start to finish. And at home in 1998, theyād given me vicodin but I found out that drug and I simply donāt get alongāso Advil did the trick for me. And in my case, no headaches afterwards at all (The biggest hangup in the 1st surgery was that the doctors had cut thru my jawbone in order to do the surgery, and I didnāt know that heād actually cut thru that part of my skull --and I couldnāt figure out why the hell I couldnāt open my mouth more then about a quarter inch at first) but that healed up ofcourse eventually.
The bottom line is, this is scary awaiting the surgery, but it wonāt be near as bad as you may be anticipatingā¦And my thoughts and prayers are with you both !
Janet
i was clippped for a rupture, each outcome is different but stay strong.
Janet,
Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. I have to know if your personality change has been permanent or have you gone back to the way you were? I'm kind of quiet and sometimes shy myself and I worry about that a little. Some have said they lose their filter. I don't want to say the wrong thing or hurt someone's feelings afterwards, I would be mortified. I don't like to call attention to myself. I'll have to tell my husband to pay close attention to me and help me nip that in the bud.
I'm doing my best to remain positive because that's all you can do. So many of you have said it's not as bad as they thought it would be and that has really allayed some of my fears, thanks for that. Take care,
Bonnie
Thanks Laurie and I hope you are doing very well now. I'm doing my best to stay strong and positive. I know everyone heals differently. I'll probably have to keep reminding myself to take one day at a time and don't rush the healing process. You take care and thanks for commenting,
Bonnie
Bonnie just wanted to tell you not to worry, you'll be fine. Thinking of you and praying for you too.
It's not long now, then it's rid of. Just haveto recover with lots of rest after.
God Bless you Bonnie, be strong.
Love Nikki xxxx
Hi Bonnie,
As soon as I was āback to normalā in appearance, I was again quiet and shy āmeā! (The only other unusual actions on my part happened just one day after Iād gotton home after the last craniotomy: I was at home on my computer, all the sudden the power shut offā¦So I walked outside to find a guy who worked for the electric co. walking towards his truck, which was parked in front of my driveway. He had turned off our power! This floored me, as Iād paid the bill a week or two before my surgery, and I had the confirmation # for payment ON my computer! Bonnie, I came unglued on this poor guy! I literally ran up to the man, insisted he turn around and look at me (OMG, in retrospect I have to laugh, my friends laugh at the story too, because it was so out of character for me to do this), but I kept yelling at the man to turn and āLook at me!! Look at me!!ā I told him I had the confirmation # in my computer, ā and ālook at meā!! he didnāt say much at all, he just turned around and went back to the box and turned my power back on. He quickly left, didnāt want to see my proof of payment, he just got out of dodge as fast as he couldā¦(Away from the crazed screaming black/blue faced maniac with the large scar), honestly though, the HOA meeting and the poor guy from the electric company are the only incidences that I can recall where my personality was at all different or unlike me. Iāve asked my husband if heād noticed any personality changes with me after the surgeries, and he doesnāt remember anything different (other than the utility company sceneāand believe me it was a sceneālol)
Personally, Iāve been rather surprised at the amount of depression that many have reported having, post surgery. I have been very lucky in that Iāve had no depression. Anxiety yes, prior to the last craniotomy: I had been in a sub standard hospital for about 6 days before I was told by my (then) doctor to āgo home and come back to him in 3 weeks for followup careāā(I knew Iād be dead if I followed his instructions), in hindsight, it was the best news I couldāve heard as I left that hospital and went straight to a much better hospital that same day, whereas they immediately admitted me and had me in surgery to fix the failed coil that doctor #1 had installed on me in 2006āand you know, the feeling of relief I felt when I got to a decent hospital with excellent staff/doctors was overwhelming. My anxiety disappeared and so did my fears, knowing that the right procedure would be performed on me (eliminating forever that āalways in the back of my mindā coil situation) .
Egad, as usual, Iāve rambled on and onā¦Do not worry about personality changes Bonnie, if there are any flare-ups or outbursts that you consider ānot youāājust remember my electric co. story! you will be back to the same old you in no time!
(((Bonnie)))
You continue to be in my Thoughts and prayers for your upcoming day...~ Colleen
Janet,
Oh my God, that story is so hilarious! I'm sure you didn't think it was at the time. It sounds like something from a Larry David show (Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm) or a Woody Allen movie. I couldn't stop laughing and they say laughter is the best medicine. I have to agree about that.
I am worried a little about the depression as well. I'm usually an upbeat person so I hope it doesn't affect me.
I'm so glad you checked yourself into a better hospital. We can't fool around when it comes to our brains. I always say I might need it at some point. It just makes sense to go to a hospital where this is their specialty. You have to go with your gut, it always knows. I never felt comfortable with my first surgeon, he always seemed to be in a hurry to get on to his next patient. Thanks so much for your reply it really brightened my day. Take care,
Bonnie
will pray that all goes well,and that you have a speedy recovery.best of luck bonnie,GOD bless
our thoughts & prayers are with you!
Thanks Sandy, you're very kind. God bless you and yours as well.
Thanks so much Ron, I really do appreciate everyone's prayers and well wishes. God bless you and take care,
Bonnie
Thanks Nikki, I don't know if I can't wait for this to be over or do I want time to stand still and not have to go through the surgery and recovery.
I'm staying as strong as possible. I do have a good feeling that everything will be fine. That's all you can pray and hope for anyway. Thanks for your prayers, I really do appreciate them. Take care,
Bonnie
Hey Bonnie,
You will do just fine, the body and the brain are so amazing , and you have every thing you need to come out on top (A sense of humor is really a necessity I foundāand when you get home and get back on the computer, Iāll have to fill you in on acouplaā really REALLY crazy ācoma storiesā of mine from the 2006 hospital stayāOMG, really emabarrasing but in retrospect, I must say theyāre hysterically funny stories) My prayers Bonnie, along with so many others prayers as well!
HI Janet!! ok im curious??lol- how embarrasing? haha--my first thought is what a great blog that would be~~~~coma stories but im remembering now that things we write here are viewable to the world thru search engines! so be careful what you write. Little known fact-there are cats in TJU hospital!!! yep yep there was 2 of em right there in the bed with me. Sorry i had to interject here- i couldn't resist!!
luv u awwwlll!!!
Hey Ronā
Oh yeah, Iāve got a few of the āOMG tell me this didnāt really happen!ā type of stories stemming from my catatonic state back in 2006/early 2007ā¦yeah, and just so you know, when youāre in a coma, strangely enough I guess the body isnāt so clear about what a ācomaā really isā¦the mind, yes, it says ācomaā, and thankfully you donāt remember anythingā¦the body must have a hard time getting that āYouāre in a coma" info ā Yepā¦I didnāt realize there was any issue with my former catatonic self until I was out of ICU, awake in my hospital room one eveningā¦an ICU nurse strolls by my doorwayā¦she stopped short, looked into my roomā¦and says āOH! Hey! I remember YOU!āā¦(Then the nurse turns to walk away from the doorway, and she calls over her shoulder to meā¦"Show Off !! !! ")ā¦
Okay Iām thinkingā¦what in the hell did that mean? My husband was there with me that night, and he suddenly started laughing like mad. ā¦So iāve gottaā know why the nurse said this to me and why is my husband laughingā¦(So he then informed me as to why)ā¦
Turns out that in ICU, I evidently didnāt like to be covered with a a blanketā¦okayā¦ for what reason I canāt say, but I guess I had little to nothing on( or a really minor hospital gown on at best.)ā¦and anytime a visitor would come see me, the 1st thing iād do, without fail , is fling off the covers ā which included the barely there gown. So there iād be not only naked as a jay bird, but acccording to those who were there, well, with my legs spread eagled.(.oh Godā¦) SO, it didnāt matter who was there, if a cover was put over me Iād simply just fling that thing off immedietly,ā¦yep, hello everyone ! (this included a 93 year old man that I used to take care of ā¦not to mention my dadā¦freinds of oursā¦yeahā¦any and everyoneā¦Whoever came to see the show, I never let 'em down!) ā¦Yeah, (tell me that isnāt embarrassingā¦PLEASE tell me !! Lol)
Okay Ron, tell me about the catsā¦(lol)
Bonnie...thoughts and prayers surround you....
Pat
JANET JANET Janet-ty for sharing! but too much information-lol. i do recall losing all modesty -shower time was my favorite time followed by bed time!! early on they wheeled me in a rolling cot thing cause i couldnt walk---oh wow i wonder if i behaved???lol -lucky for them i didn't have a sense of humor or i would have asked for the deluxe swedish massage with Eucalyptus leaves. i recall wanting daily shower but they would only do every other day! so i was a nudist i guess-lol wow i remember freezing and they gave me hot blankey!! maybe you had a fever or your brain thought you did?? i recently ripped all mr blankets off & then clothes cause i had fever then of course chills.Umm cat story is boring- just cats (which i dont like) in my hospital bed- took me days to figure it out,at first i thought they came from the street, then i thought no can't be so i assumed they were in house pets!!! i think cats were a vivid dream! much to my surprise when i returned home from ordeal there was 2 cats living at my house!!--sisters. So call it what you like- preminition, dream or morphine hallucination!! -or- are they real???? - haha -kiddin. Thank God we can distinguish between reality and "whatever" Wow you got me smiling- i wasn't expecting a reply- lol be careful what you ask for-take care-kkeep warm !!
Tee Hee, Ron! Glad youāre smiling!