Sharon - I have much in common with your situation. I used to be a huge people pleaser, and now I don't have the energy or the time. Friendships are suffering, especially because they can't keep themselves from giving me advice, in hopes I'll be their "Yes Girl" again. Not going to happen.
RE: Gabriele, I'm different from you in regard to the fact that I know I'm different, but those closest to me (spouse) don't see it as much. I think if I gave people more of a chance to get to know the "new me", they would see that I have changed, but I'm afraid they will reject me, so I don't let them in too close.
I explain it to people like this: Pre-rupture - Associate your personality with a color. Let's say my personality is orange, because I am highly social, like to go go go all the time, will do anything for a laugh, love action and lots of activity. Post- rupture - What color is your personality now? Mine is not what it used to be, so I'm getting used to my new color, and trying to see the positive in it. It's hard, I miss my old life, but this is a new one, and I'm not going to waste it with regret or ungratefulness.
Ernie - Good luck on your clipping surgery! There are so many here who have had a 2nd annie treated, check in and let us know how you're feeling afterward.
Sharon E. Morey said:
Yes, I am a totally different person since suffering a ruptured brain aneurysm in 2007. Mainly, I tend to gravitate towards positive people, and I have let go of negative relationships, they just bring me down. Life is too short to be in a down mood. I am grateful that I am still here to be with my wonderful, loving husband, my children, and my amazing grandchildren, including newborn twins, six months old. I also used to be a "yes" person, always agreeing so that I would not hurt anyone's feelings, whether I wanted to do whatever they asked or not. I actually couldn't say "NO". That has changed. I pick and choose what I want to do, and feel no guilt at just saying "No". I feel that the changes in my life as far as the emotional ones, are very positive. I still have memory loss, lose my thoughts in the middle of a sentence when I am tired, and become very tired. But I am alive. Good luck to you.
Mine did not rupture, but I did have serious seizures after surgery, and yes, I've heard that-- personality, more than character. My best friend says I'm normally always, always polite, and since then, I've said some pretty blunt things. I think I've returned more to "normal" lately.
I find myself being less patient and I get tired more easily. And when I was in that phase where I couldn't remember things or find the words I wanted, I was downright crabby. Thankfully, that's improved to where I'm basically back to normal.
I've been sleeping more and avoiding crowds and loud places. I'm a little less productive work-wise than I was before, although that may not be a product of the aneurysm surgery.
I also feel less guilt about saying no to things, more appreciation for the good things in my life, and I'm thinking harder about what I want to do and be in life, since I've seen how quickly all can be lost.
I wish one day in the future my wife will be able to say the same ..
Currently she is in minimal concious state something like awake comma after a raptured aneurysm on July 2014 which happened an hour after she gave birth to our twins
Sharon E. Morey said: "...Life is too short to be in a down mood. I am grateful that I am still here to be with my wonderful, loving husband, my children, and my amazing grandchildren, including newborn twins, six months old..."
Like Sharon, I also have no guilt with saying no or walking away from negative people or situations. My time and energy are too precious to waste on negativity. I am also more patient and relaxed than I was before the rupture/clipping. I don't get as upset that easily and have much longer fuse. I am grateful for every day and appreciate the " little things" even more. I also have vision and memory loss - I can often forget something about 2 minutes after I think of it, and it is really gone... :), can't help but laugh sometimes. But as Sharon said, I am alive and grateful for al the loving people in my life and every precious day.
Iām told that I am shorter with people than I use to be 3 years ago before my clipping. I canāt tell the difference. I think it might be my reduced sense of confidence which Iām guessing maybe related to memory issues. Sometimes I donāt know if Iāve said something before or not. Itās unnerving.
I think everyone kinda changes a bit! This isnt a little surgery that you just get overā¦this is your control panel for your body and its been tampered with! Some people just dont understand thatā¦they say the brain takes years to heal not months and sometimes the affects are life timeā¦its just what we get to live with for having a sugery so exteme!
I really think that I cannot see all the changes that have happened to me after my rupture and clipping. It is hard to recognize. My family tell me that I am more laid back and not as anal. I chose to count that as a good thing. I need to make myself notes to remember things. I cannot work with numbers. I have made new friends who only know me as I am now and they think that I am great. My 12th second birthday or anniversary of my survival is this month. Life continues after brain damage, but is different. I chose to be happy.
As the spouse of a survivor, my family feel that my husband has changed, that he is more quite and just different. He tends to argue more, even if he is wrong, that use to be me, but I just don't argue with him and give him his way. He is a lot more dependent on me, it has been 2 years and he is doing better.
The only thing that I must say is that his energy level is not what it was he does get extremely tired, there are days that I see him back to himself, then other days I know that he is not. Just be patient with yourself, a rupture is very serious and you are lucky to be alive, take it easy and realize that things may never be back to normal, yet hope that with time they will be. In last 2 years there has been improvement, so take it day by day..
My wife, too, has wobbly walking. But personality-wise she does have a shorter fuse (that frustrates her), is freer to talk, and is more affectionate (to me!). Just this morning on a long walk we were discussing how life was before, and it really is difficult to remember how it was. Before I believe we never thought about how life was, but, now that we do, it is difficult to make a meaningful comparison. We accept it as it is--it's good.
I am way more chill and let things go. I don't get into drama, just can't do it. I suffer from daily 24/7 headaches and high emotion, especially stress, sadness, or anger, really spike the headaches. I probably am more selfish since I have to say no a lot more often out of protection of my "spoons". I don't have the energy I used to have, although I am blessed to still have tons of energy (I was the Energizer Bunny before). I am still Pollyanna, but I do suffer bouts of depression and that's definitely new to me. It's scary to feel I'm not in charge of my thoughts. I've had the thoughts, more than once, that maybe it would have been better if I'd just not made it. Even writing that down scares me. I am seeing a chronic pain therapist to help deal with that.
I used to always be on time. To me, on time was late, so really I was always early for things. Now I am always late and I can't quite wrap my brain around that, but at the same time it doesn't bother me. It's more like "That's odd that I'm late and that it doesn't bother me" as opposed to "Darn it! I'm late again!" I used to think that was an extremely selfish way to be, but now I can't seem to manage my time the way I used to and I want to hate that. But meh...I don't. Maybe I'm not altogether pleased with the leveling of emotion but it is what it is.
The pain can sometimes make me cranky, but I've learned not to let it and if it is that bad I know it means I need to go home and go to bed. That costs money, but i guess I don't care about that. My health is more important. I am no good to my students when I am in severe pain. I can't think and I can't teach. I actually do have emotion about that, and that's when the depression comes. I used to be such a great teacher and I am sad that at times I am not because of the confusion and lack of energy that comes with the chronic pain.
It has been 17 years since my bleed and the changes in me ( that I didnāt see at first ) cost me a marriage of almost 11 years . it has taken that and a couple of my closest friends and some old video of me to realize that I have changed . I have come to accept it but it took me some time
change is a part of life Gary, I am not the same man I was 30 yrs ago- thank God!!-lol--- with or w/o sah but yeah we had to endure some tough phases 4 sure and yes acceptance is the hardest, tc
Yes, Gabriele, I have changed after my ruptured aneurysm 7 years ago. When I first came to, after surgery, I did not have any emotions, from what I was told. I recall people constantly telling me to smile. After that problem was resolved I was told I get angry too easily. After a lot of soul searching I have to admit that it was true. My poor husband, he had to endure a lot these last 7 years. I try real hard not to get upset so easily, but it doesnāt always work unfortunately . I hope it will get better as time goes on. It seems to only happen with people that are close to me.not strangers. Hang in there and good luck! I do tire easily, even after all this time.
It is almost 4yrs for me since my aneurysm clipping and yes we do go through personality changes because of it look at what we have gone through I too get angry quickly as well as tire easily definitely not the same person I was before all of this we must be strong we are a work in progress p
Gabriel
Iāve been told that I have changed but I donāt think I have that much, example being I used to like a drink but now I will not touch a drop as I think it is really bad for you, maybe Iām paranoid.
I also can get a bit grumpy sometimes but nothing new there lol.
No but honest I feel I have changed a little especially in the way I look at life like a lot of us survivors.
My Annie was unruptered but still going through the procedure one still ends up thinking what if some of the time.
Itās one thing I will never forget but you have to try and put it behind you as my wife tells me this most of the time typical nurse as she is.
She maybe right as I do go on about it some times especially when I get the odd pain, my Annie was 10mmx7mm
Take care
anger is inevitable in todays world, the things I went off on, I probably would have 10 yrs ago too, the fuse is a little shorter and early on the anger was way overkill, this will get better, I am 6 yrs post sah in june. Don't be too hard on yourselves, you are basically the same person, you love family, sunsets, vino etc etc etc, the inner psyche is the same imo, think positive and you will slowly "normalize" if nothing else YOUR NORMAL, NOT others perception of what you should be, tc xoxo
I'm more fatigued and it's been 2 and a half years. No energy. However, I try not to let anything or anyone get to me anymore, because I realize how lucky I am to be alive. I had one clipped and they are watching another one. So sometimes that does worry me.
My annie was coiled but apparently I underwent personality/character changes shortly before and after it was coiled. Side-effects include depression, 'short fuse', missing words either speaking or writing, trouble staying asleep. So, I guess this is what 'fixed' looks like. I am grateful, seeking the positive, a survivor, etc. I am also someone who wonders: "What the heck happened to me!" I found out that's okay to ask just as long as you 'get over it'. Bloody cheek some people!
I have suffered personality changes since my aneurism 7 yrs ago - most notably I am short tempered and impatient - I also find that since I have trouble with concentration and retaining information it is frustrating to me that I am not the person I used to be before - people on the whole are understanding (those who knew me before and after) - but those who have only met me since the event, have trouble figuring me and my moods out - I think they can sense something is not right with me but they just can't figure out what the problem is - I used to tell people about my aneurism but have stopped since I was being judged because of it and everytime something was a bit off they would just blame the fact I had that happen - I also have all the other symptoms you speak of except for the dizziness - maybe our annies are in the same spot - take care and hang in there