It's been many months since I've posted here. Since my diagnosis of 2 ba's in late 2010 I've had two crainiotomies, the last in late January this year. Since then my emotional state has been absolutely crazy. Mostly I'm terribly depressed, sad, anxious etc. I quit my job after returning from my second FMLA because my employer didn't save my job and my new one put me in a physically and emotionally dangerous place. I'm trying to make the changes I know I need to but every day feel more and more that I should have died on the table this last time. NOBODY PANIC! I'm not suicidal, I just don't see much reason to live if this is the way it's going to be. I drove away the few friends I had because all I could talk about was being ill, afraid, alone etc. I have one family member and that's about it. I try to connect with others but feel like an alien who left her home and can't get back to her own world. I seem to drive everyone away still, largely I think because I'm still suspended in time. Someone suggested to me that it sounded like I have post traumatic stress disorder from the last two years -- always waiting for the next horrible thing to happen. I'm a therapist myself but don't know if that's possible. Since the last surgery I've been diagnosed with a few other medical problems, some not so serious, other sort of serious. I had my first mammogram and it came back all funky. It turns out I'm fine but I fully expected to be told I have breast cancer. That's how I look at life now - waiting for the next disaster because truly, in the last 15-20 years my life truly has been one disaster after the next, leaving me just enough time to breathe before the next hurricane hits. All I want to know is has anyone else experienced such intense negative emotions so long after a crainiotomy? It's been 5 months since the last and 1 1/2 years since the first. If anyone can relate please help me out. Thank you. --Jennifer K.
I’m so sorry read about all of your troubles and how difficult things have been for you these past years.
There have been a number of discussions over the past few weeks where we have talked about “wanting to be normal” again. Elke Klein has a discussion where she talked about PTSD. I have a discussion where I talked about a cathartic experience that I had recently. It may be helpful for you to go through some of the forums and blogs for the past month. Please look for some of those under Robin’s name. They prompted good discussion. I also suggest reading John Matsuke’s story.
The $64k question is, what type of therapy have you, as a therapist, undertaken to help with your issues? Survivors of aneurysm treatment face lots of challenges and all of our journeys are different. It takes some of longer to get to recover emotionally than physically.
I pray that you will find the peace that you seek. May God bless you.
hi Jennifer- i can def relate to your story- i was in perfect health until age 30 had cancer-hodgkins disease then age 40 had a dvt and now at 54 annie sah.but we cant give up now-keep the faith.Will be praying for you
Hi Jennifer shortly after my coiling November of 2010...at which I had so many complications and problems and almost died...like you...I had so many emotions...I was even angry when I first was able to go home from Hospital...when I had my first f/u with Neurologist ... I found I had "PTSD"...very common amongst us Brain Aneurysm Survivors...btwn some meds at the time...lots of exercise and a very supportive husband I was able to work through alot of it...but Doctor had told me if I didn't have a support system...he would recommend Talk Therapy...
Please talk to your Doctor and tell him/her everything you told us...and that you just want help to "move on..."... and if not to "move on"...putting your fears in a place that they don't rule your life and you can starting living each day...You have my prayers...~ Colleen