Welcome @Dairy! I am so happy your mom is doing well. I too ruptured and itâs hard long road for recovery. I was 53. ICU for 26 days, step down for a couple days and then home. When I got home it was a bit overwhelming I guess you could say. BH, parents, friends were all overly cautious to my liking. But then my parents who were older and in need of care decided nothing was wrong with me lol. I had to search out my own outpatient therapy, but like Merl, I was in the helping field and knew where to get it.
Following Merlâs advice that you will need to take care of yourself in order to take care of your mom is paramount! She is still your mom so treat her thusly, otherwise she may get a bit upset. I am not allowed to cook unsupervised so I do all the prep work as I can take how ever long is needed, if I know what we are having for dinner.
For memory issues, have her use her smart phone calendar with reminders set. I look at my calendar every morning so I know what Iâm supposed to do, the reminders help me to remember. I also used sticky notes a lot in the beginning but they were getting overwhelming so a dear friend got me a white board, over the years Iâve just been using my phone. I have to keep it with me anyways.
Depending on your mom, she may need to have lights lowered and sound down. Itâs a change for the whole family. Be patient and kind, she will eventually become desensitized but maybe not to the point she was prior to rupture.
If youâve been reading on this site, you may have already learned that healing takes time, a lot of time. So it is paramount that you care for yourself. Set a day or two a week to be with friends and do what you would do if she hadnât ruptured. I think that learning to care for others is a great thing but you absolutely must take care of yourself. If your dad is still in the home, he will also want to step in and help. You both may need to remind each other to let your mom do what she can. My mom was actually teaching me to cook again and we had a great time of it. Your parents relationship may change a bit, just support them both in small ways.
You will get frustrated and scared, make sure to talk about it with your mom. You still need her to be your mom and she still needs to be your mom. Donât try to change that. Also learn to walk away if you start becoming overly frustrated, itâs called time out and itâs ok to take whatever time you need.
Not sure what part of Cali youâre in, I know my aunt decades ago helped out in San Diego County and they have a plethora of adult services that are really fantastic, or so my aunt insisted. But start with the Social Worker at the rehab facility where she is at now, if itâs in your momâs area, the Social Worker should know whatâs available. If your parents are still together, there will be a discharge meeting, it may help to attend this. They are very fast and you need to have all the questions written down prior so you have time to ask them. Get with your Dad and uncle to make sure all the questions are covered. Be very professional in the meeting as they will give a couple more minutes. Treat it like you are in school or in an office. Be clear, concise and short in the questions. Write the answers down, ask questions if you didnât understand. One of the things that pop in my head is what to do with your mom if she needs assistance or supervised and everyone is at work? Does insurance cover an in home aide or will your mom need to attend a day facility?
Oh and before I stop this novella, keep your home near and orderly. Having a lot of stuff is a bit overwhelming. I think it reminds us of the small rooms in ICU with all the machines on top of you, but I really donât know. I do know a clean, orderly home helps combat depression.
Stay in touch, we are glad you joined and reached out to us! We are here any time.
All the best,
Moltroub