Thanks for the post. How long post surgery are you? I'm just wondering because I do still have a scar, my hair is poking out of the rest of my hair and my eye is still half shut and a bit swollen 7 weeks this coming Tuesday. What are you still dealing with if I can ask? I'm so emotional and I think I'm beginning to see that I have short term memory loss. Depression or isolation is setting in, not sure which yet? It's safe in my house and going out means losing my balance still and wearing sunglasses because the glare is still too much and I can see better with them on because of that I think. I guess I'm just struggling. I had a few good days and thought...wow this is almost over...then bam some more bad days, more out of control emotionally and now I think my eye is infected. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Teresa said:
I too struggled with husband and some individuals not understanding I am not the same person anymore. I had to find and like me before dealing with all the drama of others. Non rupture aneurysm causes no scar to remind others what I dealt with and continue to be aware of. You worry about yourself first and those who count will learn about your condition and learn to stand strong with you to heal. I can say I am better handling the memory loss and no more multi tasking as once was, but it has taken me caring about me to accomplish where I am today. Prayers help but quiet time doing little things you enjoy has been my sanity. Sincerely, Teresa
Oh I know about the emotion part. That is my only problem. I named it "the Cry Babies' I cry a lot anything that is sensitive to me makes me cry. It doesn't happened all the time however at least once a day. I wait for it to come. I have come to convince myself that it is my new brain releasing happy tears. After it happens I feel better however it worries my partner and friends they think I am sad however it isn't that it is just emotions. By the way I am not crying now :)
i hope this isn't too personal for you but let me share this with you. i went through the same thing. i even had thoughts of feeling that death would be easier than dealing with the pain and emotions i was going through. it was a horrible 9 month emotional roller coaster. i was having to take a xanex almost everynight because of panic attacks and anxiety. i had had enough. it was time to seek emotional help. i was put on geodon and lamictal and it was like a light switch! i now feel normal again!! i've always been very skeptical and afraid of those types of drugs but they gave me my life back.
i realized that sometimes when your brain has been messed with you might need to be put on a medication for awhile or forever to help you deal with your emotions and/or depression.
so this is what i recommend for you to look into. you've got to fight for your life and be your own advocate. demand nothing but the best help for yourself.
I know how you feel. What you went though affected everybody you love. They could be afraid to let there feelings out. I don't think my wife will ever recover and do the things she did before the aneurysm. It will take time. it has been almost 3 years now. She walks now but with a wabble of an 80 year old. No short term memory what so ever. But she has good spirits now. Her frustration finally subsided but she still gets emotional now and then. My life has changed being a caregiver for her. I get very frustrated. It is what it is and I think I have accepted that. I know in my heart that it will get better. I have too. I might be rambling on but just hang in there.
I know a little of how you feel. I'm a caregiver to my husband. It's hard not knowing or what to do.
I know he doesn't mean what he says sometimes, but still it hurts. It has been 3 1/2 months. I wish I knew how much better he will get. They told me in the hospital to say good bye to the man I married because he won't be the same. My husband is there 75% in the mind. He has a hard time with short term stuff and gets confussed easily. Any suggestions?
This is what you are a Bass Brain Anersyum Surgery Survivior . My annie was found accidentally one month later in boston burst on table. Cant't understand why or reason still after 7 years, it was a miracle but knowing what my life situation was I don't still know why, But I can tell you Im not afraid of dying, we all been to close and the feelings are the same. Some of us better than others, I think we are in a group all by our selves. I just had my plate and pins out this summer it was a breeze only 1 day in.
Our scars are hidden but are always felt. Not only am I proud of this shirt I had my head put on the back with the date. Im proud to wear it. All so I had a ribbon tattoo on my arm with the date in the color of aneurysm, to bring awareness to this deadly disease.
There is a saying when air hits your brain your never right.How true, yes I don't really have great balance, don't put your shoes on standing over the cellar stairs. I did ouch. Just remember your in a elite group of very strong people who will always be your side.
I'm so sorry you're both going through this. My experience has not bad anywhere near as bad as that. Him not being himself is devastating. You're the only one that knows this has happened right? He's not aware of that? That would be good for him. One of my fears was that I'd be disabled either physically or mentally. My husband and I had this agreement should that happen. That's for another topic.
As far as suggestions, I saw after a few weeks coming out of my fog, how hard my husband was working taking care of everything (which for a woman is actually normal right?) and then slowly become tired, stressed, concerned, and in need of a break. I've started to take care of some things so we're working that out now as I get stronger.
Sorry, those weren't suggestions. I don't know if you mean for you or for your husband. For him, if he's aware of what's going on then he needs to know and understand the journey before him and hopefully he'll get that here, I did and still do. For you, wow, I wouldn't know where really to begin. You've got a different and difficult journey ahead of you. I think us women handle these things better than men because we are by nature caregivers. What you're going through is beyond the call of duty. We all must be reminded of the "better or worse and in sickness and in health" clause in our marriage vows. I hope you have some help and not responsible for everything. Are you in good health? I think making sure you get breaks, like for part of the days sometimes for you time. A movie, a massage, a lunch out or a walk in the shopping mall.
It must be exhausting too. I hope you can take the time for rest for yourself as well. That would make you better able to manage your day. If you have specific questions about managing your day or what he may be going through so I can maybe give you some insight please message me. You can "friend request" me if you want to have private conversations ok?
In the meantime, take care and get plenty of sleep too.
Jeannine
GENTLEWOLF said:
Hi JoeyD,
I know a little of how you feel. I'm a caregiver to my husband. It's hard not knowing or what to do.
I know he doesn't mean what he says sometimes, but still it hurts. It has been 3 1/2 months. I wish I knew how much better he will get. They told me in the hospital to say good bye to the man I married because he won't be the same. My husband is there 75% in the mind. He has a hard time with short term stuff and gets confussed easily. Any suggestions?
Thanks, thanks for sharing. I know everything you said...I guess it's normal. I do take plenty of meds for all the things I"m going through and they help most of the time. Adjustment and patience though aren't something fixed by meds. I'm happy you're not having panic attacks anymore, those are frightening.
I've had a counselor for ten years and just when I had surgery she became ill and had to take a medical leave of absence. Then a few weeks later I found out she is not returning at all. I've needed her so much and I still can't believe I'll never see her again. It's like she died also. I'm concerned about her very much and have sent her a letter through her office and hopefully she'll get it and at least contact me so I can see how she is and say goodbye at least.
Since I wrote this, I'm better in some ways and worse in others. I know it's going to take more time but that doesn't make it easier sometimes you know?
So, take care and hope you continue to recover painlessly.
Jeannine
marcii said:
jeannine,
i hope this isn't too personal for you but let me share this with you. i went through the same thing. i even had thoughts of feeling that death would be easier than dealing with the pain and emotions i was going through. it was a horrible 9 month emotional roller coaster. i was having to take a xanex almost everynight because of panic attacks and anxiety. i had had enough. it was time to seek emotional help. i was put on geodon and lamictal and it was like a light switch! i now feel normal again!! i've always been very skeptical and afraid of those types of drugs but they gave me my life back.
i realized that sometimes when your brain has been messed with you might need to be put on a medication for awhile or forever to help you deal with your emotions and/or depression.
so this is what i recommend for you to look into. you've got to fight for your life and be your own advocate. demand nothing but the best help for yourself.
Jeannine, It is what we all go through to some degree, PTSD. An anxiety disorder that happens when you have gone through an extreme emotional trauma that involved the threat of death. Most people only associate it with veterans but believe it or not most all BA survivors have some form of PTSD whether they know it or not. To make matters worse, we have people telling us we should be grateful that we are alive. Well sometimes it doesn't feel that way and we just want to feel sorry for ourselves. You know what, that's okay. We may look okay on the outside but so much is going on inside that nobody knows about. All I can add to this discussion is that we need to make sure we get the help we need and to please be gentle with ourselves, especially if nobody else is. Group Hug!
Hi Jeanne - I am new to this website and am just scrolling around reading. I’m flat out on the couch, exhausted for no reason. Six months ago I had my aneurysm coiled and am grateful to be alive, but I think I have scared everyone. I am a single parent - but my daughter is now grown up and lives away from me, I live alone, work and try to connect with friends. I am so tired after work I come home, eat and in bed by 7pm every night. I hope this gets better sometime soon…I faced death and am kind of stunned by it all now - it happened very fast…
I agree with Carol. When I first came home after my SAH, my then husband told me to stop crying and be grateful that I was alive. I went to see a therapist as a safe place to cry for what I'd lost. I recently asked my neuro psychiatrist if I'll be on anti depressants for the rest of my life. She said for traumatic brain injuries they are often necessary until the brain heals. I am not nearly as depressed as I was before, but I am still very tired and go to bed early. I too live alone now- much better than being married to an unsupportive person. It's been 3.5 years for me and I still can't believe any of it, Hang it there.
I felt the same way the first few years after my rupture/stroke and craniotomy in 1992. I was very depressed and couldn't really explain to anyone what it felt like and what I had lost. In those days, there was no internet, of course, and I had not therapist or anyone to really talk to, I basically just had to work it out in my own head, so to speak, and it it took a long time to really come to terms with it all. I had panic attacks as well and after the first few years exhaustion, developed problems staying asleep at night.
It really does take more than a year to really be ok with everything you've been through. Although none of us are ever the same after an aneurysm, there will come a time when you don't think about it too much and actually even forget what it felt like not to have had this trauma. You will accept any deficits you were left with, as though they had almost always been part of you and the depression will definitely lift.
I empathize with you. It took me many years to stop being angry with things. I had a stroke and now my eye lids have drooped (actually the entire forehead) after all those headaches.
It really "put me back in my process of accepting everything.
Good luck to you; and God bless. I can always be worse. Yes, I know you get tired of saying that (I do); but I think that's all we can do, is keep saying "IT COULD BE WORSE." and be grateful for the few things we can do. I wish you well! HPPY VALENTINE DAY!!
