Too many emotions.........help

Symptoms and Treatments Post Surgical Recovery
1

Hello,

Me again. I keep reading everyone who's been through surgery and had success talk about how it's changed them for the better, etc. All the words are upbeat, encouraging, inspirational, full of hope.

At first when I got home and for a few weeks I was happy to have survived, no feeling of relief though like everyone says. I even thought, and this is good, that when I'm better I'm going to try to have a purpose in my life. I survived BRAIN SURGERY and felt like I had to give back. I also had reflected a bit on how I really don't have many people in my life and wished I did so doing something to change that in the future would be a good thing. This went on for maybe another week.

Since the end of last week and this weekend, I am getting too many emotions and am having a hard time handling them all. I'm frustrated, impatient with myself and recovery, angry, getting depressed and sad because I can't go shopping to get gifts for my grandkids or my husband. I did all my list of "things to do" before surgery but for some reason never thought of doing some shopping for gifts???? I also have to admit that I'm not sure how to be in public with a walker and one eye shut and hair a wreck or how to be during the holidays with family? I know this is sounding like a pity party, I guess it is.

One other thing. To anyone who's said how going through a traumatic event, a life saving one, changes them, if I can ask, how did it change you? How long before you could look back and realize how you've changed?

I'm sure this will pass...I've lived a lot and know this...but, this is so different you know? I was facing death, as were all of us here. Thanks for listening.

Jeannine

2

Jeannine,

what type of surgery did you have? I had the "most desired" pipeline. And I say most desired because the recovery time is generally the shortest. the initial 24 hours was awful as far as pain went and feeling helpless as I couldn't get up for 24 hrs but outside of that my recovery was smooth. Hang in there. things will continue to improve. Happy holidays :-)

3

I know how you feel. What you went though affected everybody you love. They could be afraid to let there feelings out. I don't think my wife will ever recover and do the things she did before the aneurysm. It will take time. it has been almost 3 years now. She walks now but with a wabble of an 80 year old. No short term memory what so ever. But she has good spirits now. Her frustration finally subsided but she still gets emotional now and then. My life has changed being a caregiver for her. I get very frustrated. It is what it is and I think I have accepted that. I know in my heart that it will get better. I have too. I might be rambling on but just hang in there.

J

4

Hi Jeannine, I feel what you are going through - I am 6 yrs post rupture and went through the whole gamit of people telling me to be grateful for my life etc.....I still have good days and bad days, my life is not at all what it was before, I work hard every day to accept that - most days I succeed and other days I do not - on the days which are tough, I feel hopeless - but I know that feeling will pass so I just let it be - we need to acknowledge the losses we have endured, not focus on them but try our best to accept the new 'me' we have become - I have lost jobs, friends, family throughout this journey - it has been very difficult but I must just keep trucking away. Yes, I am grateful most of the time for my life, but no one is perfect - and I certainly was not perfect before this happened so why should I be now? right? Do your best, and know that those who sincerely care for you will be there for you in every capacity they can, accept their help and love....you will continue to flourish.

5

Jeannine, put a hat on and don’t worry about anyone else. Chin up and off you go!! You are doing the best you can. My thoughts are with you.

6

Hello Jeannine,

I understand what you are going through. In 2010, I had to have two open-brain surgeries, one to clip and the other to try a bypass when I failed the stress test. The first one, I was asleep for 2 solid weeks, maybe up for 30 mins a day, and then as the weeks went by, I was able to get up and about. I started a new job just 6 weeks after my surgery. Thankfully I was working from home the first 3 months, so I could take naps when needed. I was angry and frustrated that I was not myself, that I would forget everything 5 mins later (I previously had a brain that could remember everything). The best thing was I had a therapist who worked with me and taught me to stay in the now, stay in the moment. The minute I became angry, emotional, frustrated and starting thinking about the past and future, she taught me to take a deep breath and look at my feet. My feet are on the ground. I am not thinking about the past or the future, I am just focusing on my feet. Nothing can hurt you if you are in the now. I would move up to looking at the window, looking at a branch on the tree, staying focused right in the now. It took several months to master this, but it saved me. Because if you allow yourself to fall back into the anxiety of what life was like before or what it will be, it's not helpful. I still practice it daily, 5 years later. And over time, things began to develop, I healed. Holidays will come and go, if you are not 100% this year, it is no big deal, the best gift of all, to you and your loved ones, is that you are here, you made it, you are a survivor. There is no greater gift. My best thoughts and wishes for you. Keep looking at your feet and remember, if you stay in the now, nothing can hurt you. And I still have to write everything down...the great memory I had is no longer part of my life...but now I can shop for really cool notepads and pens.

7

I’m 5 yrs since I had my anurism coiled and so many emotions and changes have occured I also had people saying I was lucky to be a live as mine was on a main artery vein but even thou I did feel in away lucky I mourned for the person I used to be I had a left eye closed through it balance problems etc banging into people the only way to over come this things as the lady said out on a hat go out do things slowly in your own time yu get back I’m not perfect today I’m a lot lot better than I was I wish you all the luck in the world just go out do it conker things

8

Hi Jeannine, When "They" say this will pass, "they" don't say it "can" take years and it is OKAY!!!! We are alive and each day getting better. Okay, I do understand the "bad Hair day, one eye shut, walking funny, if at all. I could not even dye my hair for 8 months because of the clipping and Crane scaring. Now, almost 2 years later, my eye is still bad but I can open it. I walk funny but better. It is a process my friend and we are here to go through it with you. I have changed. I am more mellow now and I don't let things get to me like I used to. What used to upset me I just say, okay, I am improving, I am here, I am loved, I love, my grandkids read to me when I can not read to them. When I have to rest, they rest with me or they will color and make me pictures. They teach me how to re-do things now. I am okay with this and I am still Grandmother to them!!! We ARE here for you and yes, we do look or did look like that and still do on the inside. If I lift up the right side of my hair you do see the dent in my head and it is okay, I survived and I continue to survive with all of your help. Hugs

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9

Jeannine:

It is normal what you are going through. Four years post surgery on two annies and I still go through emotional ups and downs after all your body, mind and emotions have gone through major changs. Don’t think about what others may think or say because they are not going through this. I have found that most people do not see internal problems as they would a broken arm, etc. Give yourself plenty of time to not only heal, but to embrace who you are now. In time, these emotional upheavals will become less and less the more you understand who you are today…you are among some of the most happiest survivors there ever have been! Best of thoughts to you because You Are A Survivor!

10

Jeannine,

1st I'M GLAD YOU SURVIVED!! BE KIND TO YOURSELF! if your husband or children or grandkids were going through these feelings what would you say?

recovery is a long frustrating process but its better than the alternative! As for the walker? how about adding a little "flare" to it? maybe some tinsel? your hair is a mess? wear a hat or a scarf I had bold spots all over my head for months after my coiling, my teen daughters used eyeliner to cover them! as for gifts? your family already received the best gift of all YOUR SURVIVAL! wrapped boxes will never replace YOU!

11

I know all too well the frustration and anger at one self. I went to Wal-Mart to do some shopping the flooding panic came. Sweating spinning ect. Well I can’t walk like I use to without dizzy spells. I actually had an older gentlemen come to my vehicle(which was in a handicapped space legally) and proceeded to fuss at me for taking up space that should be used for the elderly. Since I was young enough I must just be lazy. I felt horrible then anger came through and I asked have you had brain surgery I have? His wife over heard it and said that’s what you get for judging people. While our scars on the outside heal the ones on the inside take time. I was put on a mood stabilizer and it helps about 75% I also have medicine to calm me down when I feel like I’m going to explode. Dont worry about other people judging you just do what you need to and ignore them. Most people will never understand what we are going through. That’s why it’s great to have this community to turn to.
Christine

12

Hi Jeannine

I understand exactly how you feel. I had my ruptured aneurysm 17 months ago, I had surgery and the clip. From what you describe I was just like you, only one eye opened, difficulty with balance, memory, etc... And the emotional roller coaster. I can tell you that my other eye did open after 3 months and I can see. The balance issues and energy are still improving. The emotions....still a roller coaster. But reading what you wrote made me feel less alone, and hopefully knowing that others are out here and understand will help you too.

The best gift you could give your family you have given, YOU. Take care, and try to be patient and loving with yourself you truly do deserve it.

Take care

13

yes, emotions are a part of recovery. Following my first craniotomy, I was paralyzed on my left side. The aneurysm had ruptured, It was over 24 hours before they could staff the Or, when they got in, to my brain, they found a second one that was then clipped. Not being able to sit with legs hanging over the side of the bed or walk, was a huge shock. For some reason taking a shower hit my sad button and I would cry and moan " what’s going to become of me." when therapy started my thought was- I’ve got to do this-no one can do it for me. I walk now, with a cane but am in PT again, learning to walk without it. All said, I was able to dance at my daughters wedding, hold my first grandchild- with his parents hovering protectively. I’ve been using the Internet, I’ve learned Mah Jong, am in a Spanish class, , have been proclaimed the historian for a wine club I joined, give oral presentations, I had aphasia, too. in the past year I tried to join the choir at church. But I can’t walk, read music, and sing at the same time, and I’ve realized that my voice is not that strong or goodd. So I accepted that limitation, they had been a fun group, and we’re kind but I needed to be realistic. I was depressed am am still taking Zoloft. V.low dose- it does make me less emotional. I find I miss those emotions. I do still fight the self pity. But I’m not too hard on myself about that?I’ve come a long way. I’ve gotten in touch with a lot of people from my past. Found some new cousins in my genealogy searching. So I’m in touch with more people now than ever before. I attend classes at church and speak up about my beliefs and experiences. I once told them that my condition has made me an educational opportunity. mothers teach their children to open doors, give up their seats when they see me.It’s important to work hard in therapy because as we claim small successes, our demeanor improves and we make greater progress toward what we once were. I’ll keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Be brave!
Linda

14

You can only deal with the piece that is immediately in front of you. Way back in the 70's I had a job of jumping out of airplanes with people shooting at me. I was the unit medic as well. We had a bad jump one time was pretty certain my leg was broke as it was sticking out of my skin. Also had a real pain in the butt, which turned out to be a bullet which was the same pain I had in my arm. The pain in my head was mostly a miss but they did have to take out some pieces. My head was already shaved though.

We had some pretty good back up so the shooting stopped, but the dang napalm started a pretty good fire so we got sunburned. The rest of the guys were in pretty tough shape so we had to get them to a better spot for a helicopter to come in. Took a couple of days to get there. Had to crawl most of the way and then was able to patch up most of the guys that as they got drug in and hide them while we got some more.

Anyway we finally got picked up. We got the whole unit home, but do you think the homeboys would stop for a beer on the way to the hospital??? If i had though about anything but how great a cold beer was going to tase. The brain surgeries the traction the rehab etc etc. I would have not made it.

I didn't get any Christmas shopping done that year (or the next) but my family forgave me. Well I think my dad was sort of upset. When they started hanging all those Christmas ornaments on me, he was crying a lot. He always hated traveling at Christmas, that and he really never like Nixon.

I don't know how much I changed, but I was prepared for the accident that took my legs and the months/years of rehab to get them back. I was prepared for the disease that took my hands (although that turned out pretty well eventually) I just found a different way to make a living with my skills.

The secret is to remember these events prepare you for the next event. Sometimes you look only 10 minutes ahead, sometimes almost a whole day. I learned to never look beyond going to bed at night. I never know if I'm going to wake up on the right side of the dirt so why waste a bunch of energy? Limit your view to ever smaller sections otherwise all the possibilities will overwhelm you and the emotions flood.

The more you get ahead of yourself, the more self fulfilling prophecy and the more the emotions will flood you. In the mean time wartch some videos from here: http://www.google.com/search?q=people+of+walmart+video&oq=peopl....

"The people of Walmart" if the link doesn't workno matter how you look, you'll fit right in

15

Hi Jeannine,

It often helps to talk to a counselor when emotions are all over the place. I'm sure you are experiencing many different emotions after going through this. A safe place to express them and have them validated can help put some of them to rest. Right now it sounds like they are all saying, "Listen to me!" There are therapists that will work over the phone. Do an online search.

As for appearances, I agree with Joan Rivers. She said, "Look as good as you Can look." Okay, so you can't control your eye but a stylist could control your hair for parties and even teach your husband how to style it, if he's willing to try. There are stylists that make house calls. Try angieslist or craigslist, if no one at your salon does that. Maybe you could benefit from a new style that requires less work?

As far as gifts go, try giving a redeemable gift card! I use to see them at markets and I'm sure you can buy them online from each retailer. Your family and friends will certainly understand that you had other things on your mind during the shopping season.

The holidays are an emotional time of year. So that may be intensifying things.

My husband writes things down in a journal. I don't know if it helps me but it is an outlet. He has found the most help from going to classes for those with brain injuries. He has become a good writer and enjoys reading his pieces to the class.

In time you will have the answers to some of your questions about change and gratefulness. Right now you have to feel your feelings about what has changed. It's okay to have a good cry. Just try to come up with a plan to move a little bit forward the next day. Just a little bit.

Laurie

16

I know -been there and sometimes still am. The best book that I ever read and understood was "The Stroke of Insight" by Jill Taylor, a brain scientist. She had an AVM, a brain bleed that hit her left side brain; her troubles and progress are detailed. The best part of the whole book that hit me was Addendum B. It explains to caretakers-well, everyone that we are wounded and the best way to be with us.

It's Holiday time - get the book for you and share with your friends and family.

17

Hi Jeannine,

It's been 3 years for me and I'm still processing. I have changed-actually for the better. My type A personality, is now a type M (mellow). The holidays are a hard time of year for a lot of people- be easy on yourself. YOU are the gift this Christmas!

Alice

18

You sound pretty normal to me. First, you're not completely done with the medical experience yet, and so you can't expect yourself, or your family and friends, to have processed it all yet. And the fact that it drags on is tiring for everyone, too. Things aren't "normal," for you yet, and they may not be for a while.

Second, having a medical crisis, even brain surgery, does not necessarily give new meaning to your life, or a fresh start. Not everyone wakes up from surgery resolved to make the most of every second and to be a better person. It's not like you're Scrooge on Christmas morning. If you can derive some greater meaning from this lousy experience, great. If not, that's okay, too; bad stuff happens to people sometimes, and you just had a turn with it, and now you're moving out of that phase. Putting pressure on yourself to come out of this better, wiser, whatever, isn't helping you.

Third, it's the holidays, and even healthy people feel a little overwhelmed or emotional or nervous about facing friends and family. With what you've been through this year, you need to give yourself a break: people will understand if you don't manage gift giving the same way as you have before-- they love you, not the presents. Hand out IOUs, gift certificates, heartfelt letters, whatever seems easy to you. If you need quiet space, take it. This year is different, and that's okay.

Finally, I think it can be helpful to have some counseling or therapy or spend time going to church (if that's your thing) or reading reflectively, and it does not mean you're depressed or mentally ill or damaged by the surgery. It can help you deal with some of the emotions and to answer your questions about "what's next for me, " "is this all there is," "why am I here," etc. While I don't think there's anything magical about surgery and disease, it sounds like maybe this event has put you into a place in life where you need to think about life's deeper questions. Finding your answers will likely give you peace.

19

First of all - last year I did absolutely NO Christmas shopping ("annie" ruptured in Nov) and it was all okay! I think we all learned that being together really is the best part of the season.

You asked about how this experience changed lives. I think that is a really important question to ask. I don't want to have gone through this experience and it NOT have changed me. I want to be kinder, gentler, more patient, more available to others who are struggling. Suffering can take on purpose if we learn from it and in turn can help others. Still on this journey to understand myself and grow from my experience. I get down sometimes and seem to have communication issues with my loved ones sometimes. Trying to overcome frustration and irritation by realizing I may have some hidden deficits.

I am very thankful for my recovery from being at death's door. Trying to be intentional in living my life at God would have me live.

Praying your recovery is rapid.

20

Lookin back-03', survived, totally felt very greartful, at the same time felt depressed. On I own took a supplement tat controlled bad emotions, listened to music, did relaxing exercise contacted and listened to special famiy/friends, researched brain functions all that put togeather helped a lot. The item that took time to heal was Executive function, hard part was having patience, fianlly a few yrs. ago was able to follow thru to finish projects. Hangin there have faith and U will be able to overcome these feelings ,