I realize that I may be feeling oversensitive, especially since I just broke my toe, but something hit me the wrong way. I was talking about how I was going to have the clipping done and my mom is going to come down a couple days before I went in, but then I’m gonna be at the hospital for probably 48 hours and she was thinking of going home two days later. Well, my issue is is it really safe for me to be in my house by myself two days after I get out of the hospital? I fell over just standing still. I’ve run into things, and Get proof of that as the fact I have a broken toe. How long should somebody be staying with you after surgery?
Just seems like the whole thing is becoming a pain in the ass and maybe I shouldn’t do it. But if I don’t do it that I know my quality of life is going to suck because I’m always gonna wonder what it’s doing especially because I had that small TIA a year ago.
I will not go into rehab and no one is going to make me go in there, but it is not even an option. I don’t live on the stairs anymore so I’m good. I have a friend who could probably come stay with me during the day and then I’m hoping that maybe I can get a friend of mine to come stay with me at night.
But it just hurts my feelings that my mom is like OK see you later.
Hey Abby,
Ahh, yes. The joy of family… …I’m having my own ‘joy’ atm. I’m currently looking down the barrel at surgery No.7 and I get ‘Ohh it’ll just be like before, you’ll be right…’ and nothing else and in the meantime I’m a bit of a mess. But they have no clue
.
Anyway, it sounds like you may have a backup plan semi in place, so I’d run with your backup plan.
You never know, she might see that you’re unwell and make the final decision from there. There are 2 things you have no control over, ‘Acts of God’ and other people. All you can do is back yourself. If your mom decides to stay and help for longer, it may assist your other supports, but you need to look after you.
Trying to educate others is exhausting and some people think they know it all anyway and you can’t educate people who think they know EVERYTHING. (I know, because I’ve tried)
HINT: DON"T EVEN TRY!! it’s a waste of energy. you NEED to look after YOU!!!
As difficult as it is (and I know it is difficult (been there done that)) Don’t be going into it all with a negative mindset. You could come out the other side thinking “I don’t know what all the fuss was about…”. Don’t be going into it all thinking ‘My life is over…’ a defeatist attitude will only make any recovery harder. Try to put things in place prior as a ‘Just in case’ back up. OK, Mum’s going home in 2 days. If needed, what supports could you need. You may find after 48hrs you’re OK. 48hrs with my family would be enough to give anyone a headache.
DO NOT BE LIMITING YOUR OPTIONS. You state
I understand that this is your plan today and it’s great to have such a plan BUT if you come out the other side and find that it’s needed, it’s better/safer to be making those assessments AFTER. Not before. Some people talk of ‘re-birth’, so to be making concrete ‘rules’ can be soul destroying when we don’t meet our own ‘rules’. A rebirth is starting anew, relearning all of your ‘new normals’, slowly.
Merl from the Modsupport Team
Broken toes hurt, a lot! Not much you can do but ice and tape it to the toe next to it is there?
Merl has hit the nail on the head! We cannot control the actions of others, we can encourage, request and at times try to manipulate but control is theirs. But we can control our actions.
You have a back up plan if your mom feels like she needs to go back home. You might try asking very nicely for her to stay a week with you just so you both can visit some. You know your mother best and what works to encourage her to help you. But I think your brother was planning on visiting around the same time as your surgery and she was torn on what to do. I think you also said she has some pretty serious health issues. Is it possible for you to stay with her, in her home?
I have gone into each one of my procedures with expect the best, prepare for the worse mindset. Like Merl has said, it’s much better to go into the OR with a positive mindset. One of the things BH and I discussed was which rehab I would go to if needed. I knew a couple of good ones and some not so good so I told BH which were on the top of my list. Like you, I didn’t really want to go to a rehab if it could be avoided, some things we can’t avoid. But we can make plans. Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly.
Thank you. I know everything is going to be OK. It’s just that I fall down so much and my sense of balance is so terrible that I want to make sure there’s somebody around me for at least a couple of days to make sure that I’m OK. I was talking to my sister and I said some thing about the one thing I hear across-the-board is that there is exhaustion which would make sense since people have been poking around in your brain like when you were a kid and had that thing called Fuzzy barbershop. Do you remember that? Am I showing my age? But it was this little thing that you could stuff Play-Doh in and push a little button and it came out of their heads like hair. so, maybe that’s what it is is he just pushes on my brain and it comes out my nose
I remember “Operation”. I think that makes me older😂. But yes I remember that play doh thing too. Oh my gosh you’re encouraging me to acknowledge my age! Come out to NC. You can help me level the timbers and we can both blame our falls on them lol
Seriously, I’m happy to read you can joke around whilst knowing this is pretty serious surgery. Keep telling yourself you will be good to go no matter how long it takes.
Fuzzy barbershop… …Am I showing my age? YEP
Do I remember? I plead the 5th, on the grounds I might incriminate myself
And if it’s any consequence, I had some similar ‘oddball’ thoughts too. ie There was a cartoon of someone pulling on the scalp, like a pony tail and having their face tightened. Have a face lift all at the same time. When I was young and dumb I had me a bit of an issue with drugs. I loved them, but they didn’t exactly love me. The plan was they were to open my skull and somewhere in the back of my mind I had this thought of them releasing all of those drugs into my system. WOW, that’d be a rush. It was like I had this really serious issue and made jokes or made light hearted comments, throw away lines about it all. I think the psychs call it deflection. Silly things like ‘Just chop it off at the neck, that’ll fix it. That’ll fix it all’. I was a youthworker at the initial time. There was a bit of an issue with young people ‘train surfing’ (riding on the top of the train, very dangerous) and post surgery these youngins were all 'What happened to you??" “See fellas, that’s what can happen trainsurfin…” I had a row of staples running from my forehead to behind my ear and it looked shocking, it WAS shocking and I’m sure for some they never did surf trains again
The falls are scary, there’s no denying that BUT you need to ask yourself ‘What would I do if alone?’. There are personal alarms available, some that can beep to alert neighbours. Some that can access the phoneline. There are portable intercom systems via your mobile phone. You can set up a one button dial feature for urgent numbers. There are community agencies that have a call register, where they can call you once/twice a day, just as a check-in type service.
There are also classes (often designed for the elderly) on how to get up if you have a fall, using furniture like stairs ie cushion to a foot stool, to a seat, to an armrest, to standing. Classes in how to identify your body’s limits. I found parts of these classes useful, it also showed me I’m not the only one having these battles (I had/have a real problem accepting all of this). They maybe designed for the elderly, but people even younger than me attended these classes, that made me feel a bit better about the ‘elderly’ bit
I think it’s good to have a light hearted joke about it if you can. I know I can sit down and actually think about it all and drive myself and everybody else around me DOWN a very dark pit very easily. For me it’s real easy to fall into that hole, but a hell of a lot harder to pull myself back out. I’ve been to the bottom of that hole before and it’s a LONG way down. Now, I try not to go there. I know when I’m headed in that direction and it’s often when I’m symptomatic. Other’s see me, making consoling statements and I’ll say something stupid like “Ahhh, nothing a bullet wouldn’t fix…” I don’t own a gun, I have no intent, but it just a throw away line. It’s silly, but again if I sat down and thought about it all… …just awful.
Just know you aren’t alone in all of this.
Merl from the Modsupport Team
@Abbycat70
I agree with everything that has been written. If you are worried about falling I would suggest that you get a “rolling walker “/ “rollator” in advance and use it indoors when you get home . Especially if you are unsure how long you will have company. You can find several options on Amazon at different prices. I think it would help you if you feel that you are loosing your balance. If you don’t need it, that’s fine, but it’s good to have as a backup plan at your home. One thing that I am thinking about is if you have any stairs in your home, if so, can you arrange so you don’t have to use the stairs to begin with? When I came home after my rupture, I was a bit unsteady when I walked, I stayed on the first floor during the day and only walked to our bedroom on the second floor when it was time to go to bed. I also used a “walking stick “ as a cane when I used the stairs. I have a couple of walking sticks that I normally use for my “power walks”.
Also, buy a couple of “night lights “ so you don’t walk in complete darkness if you need to go to the bathroom at night. A bench/ chair that you can put in the shower/ bathtub so you can sit down while showering is also good to have.
Good luck with everything.
I do have a walker from when I broke my ankle. It has the little rolling wheels in the back.
I am putting a little step by my bed ( a long aerobic stair) so getting in and out will be easier.
I sold my house because of the stairs. So, now it is flat,
Oh, make no bones, I had a light bright and the operation game. Do you suppose doctors’s use this while in med school.
I try to remain amused. When I had my bowel section, I sang Disney Songs until I went under.
Last thing I said “ think of a happy thought , any happy little thought” ( from Peter Pan)
I have to say, I 100 percent agree with Merl. At this point, you don’t know what you’re going to need afterwards. Out of curiosity, why are you so against rehab?
Here was, and still is my experience. Three years ago I had an SAH, ruptured aneurysm/and stroke. After 3 weeks in ICU, they were calling me a miracle, why, because I had no visible deficits. I had no rehab, no counseling, and here I am today, starting from square one. I should have done rehab, I have left side weakness, I can’t balance on my left foot at all, and I trip a lot.I also should have had speech therapy, because I have trouble finding words in the middle of conversations, I pause to find it, and they think I’m done talking, and I can just totally forget what I’m talking about right in the middle of it. These are just a couple of things.
I understand this is all very stressful, as it should be, it’s a delicate procedure. I would recommend, just taking a deep breath, and relaxing, you don’t need to worry yourself and add additional stress.The doctor’s will advise you on what they think you should do, and may I add, please consider it, take it from me.
K
I have nightmares about Rehab. Two years ago, I broke my ankle and because I live by myself and had stairs I had to go to rehab. But I had state insurance, and it was crappy. Therefore I was in one of those really horrific old nursing homes. I don’t know why they called him Rehab. Once a day, somebody got me up to walk me, makes me sound like a dog, and once or twice a week somebody came in and help me go to the bathroom.
Horrific
TJ here. Rehab is prolly confusing term (at least in the USA) In one instance that is exactly what it is. Days to weeks to in my case months following my stroke. Hours with the “physical terrorists” followed by occupational therapy, some speech therapy, an attitude check with psychology, and finally you get home and the DW has you practice… Then one day you get up to get something and that same DW starts crying because you didnt use your walker.
Then there is the other kind ( in the USA) also called Rehab.this is primarily for old people (or those on medicare for any mumber of reasons) you have an incident are hospitalized and you run out of hospital days for what ever it is that happened to you. If you are unable to care for yourself after a specified number of days in the hospital (usually 3 min but more depending on what happened.) You move to “rehab” some hospitals have a rehab unit some don’t. Now the clock starys again medicare will pay for 150 days of in patient rehab so long as you have measurable progress every 5 days. Miss once and you are on your own financially. If you are still unable to care for yourself, you will be admitted to a long term care facility which will be on your own dime. If you able to go home with assistance you can get some additional therapy and home care aids (bath, meds, etc)
Oh my goodness, well that makes it easier for us to understand. You know, they’re not all the same, maybe, like you said it was the state insurance, but nonetheless, I would focus on the surgery, stay positive and not worry about anything else for now, stress isn’t good, and you may not even need rehab.
I do want to ask, do you have different insurance this time, that could be all the difference in the world.
I just don’t want you throwing rehab out the door, there are so many different options, and again you don’t know if you even need it.
Oh and by the way, Family…. Well that’s a whole story by itself for me, most won’t understand, stick with support groups, we can all pretty much relate. We’ve all been through a very similar experience, so much the same, yet very different.
I wish you the best of luck, keep us updated.
K
Our area that falls to the local police department. If you don’t answer the phone which I think is probably automated now, they send a squad car so the officer can break down your door if need be.
@Abbycat70 yes I believe med students do know and might even practice with Operation just to keep their hand steady😂. As for lite brite, heck no or maybe heck yes and they’ve formed an addiction with lights. Seems every dang doctor, except the Rheum, and my PCP rarely does, loves to shine a bright light into your eyes. They are brighter now of course, being LEDs and they want only your eyes moving. Fortunately, Ms. Ryann was pretty quick about it the other day and she didn’t bless me with the light though truth be told, I’m also not as sensitive to light as I was the first several years after I popped my pipe. The stent seems to have corrected it, but not with the Ophthalmologist what’s up with that?
Good to hear you have a walker! You might want to use it the first couple of days, so keep it handy. Make sure the step you get for your bed is wide enough not to cause a trip hazard getting out, it hurts when you miss it. BH and I put in a rail for Dad, it had a strap that went across the bed under the mattress. Harder to make the bed like Mom wanted, but we just turned down the sheets and cover. I could t find the one that we got Dad on Amazon, but they have some now that fold over which would have been helpful. We also got them this https://www.amazon.com/Drive-Medical-Stand-Toilet-Safety/dp/B004PYZD18/ref=sr_1_10?crid=3C89C50M6SSID&keywords=toilet+safety+rails+for+elderly&qid=1687863762&sprefix=Toilet+safet%2Caps%2C107&sr=8-10. It was a headache saver since I didn’t have to clean basically two toilets for each one Dad used. Dad had cancer and was using one of those that can be by the bed or over the toilet. Seems every time he urinate he had a lot of blood come out and I was cleaning toilets daily.
I truly understand concerns with rehab, both my parents were in one. Dad was in the absolute worse one our county had and refused to be moved to the best one that I had tried getting him into but the SW was on vacation. She called me at 8:00 am the Monday she got back and said they had a bed available but my stubborn old father wouldn’t move because he just got a young roommate whom he was very concerned about. I had to stay on them about everything and threatened to bring in my thermopen to check the temp of the food, always cold and even threatened to call the Supervisor over APS. Can you believe the PT and the PTA suggested that Dad could go home and he couldn’t walk 10 feet! I measured the distance of their long ranch style home and he had to walk 62’ to get down the hall and out the door if the house caught on fire. All the exterior doors were on the opposite end of their bedroom and there wasn’t any way he could climb through a window. The PT and PTA suggested I drag Dad down the hallway and out of the house with a blanket. I know I looked at them like they had completely lost their minds and probably said something like I know I’m brain damaged but what’s your excuse? We didn’t live with them, their doctor would ask that of us later. So how were we supposed to get to their house and get him out the door before he died of smoke inhalation? Dad went to the Cardiologist and the wonderful NP who had about 30 years experience in Cardiology and was pretty famous in the USA as I understand it told him his heart couldn’t take anymore walking but to the bathroom. We went with him to his appointments as she always asked for family to be present. He went back to the rehab with his orders of no walking past ten feet. I saw the PT reading the orders. Left and came back a couple hours later and the PTA and Dad were grinning, he had walked 65 feet and was ready to come home. 15 minutes later and Dad was being sent to the hospital for heart failure. He died that night at hospice.
Mom went to rehab at a better facility. She didn’t like the Southern overcooked, fried food and refused to eat. She also got a bee in her bonnet and refused to do all the different therapies because they didn’t explain the purpose of them. I think it’s because the assistants weren’t gossiping with her. Then she fell in her bathroom and no one heard her calling out for help. She couldn’t reach the string and there she was laying on the floor for a couple of hours until a visitor heard her and came to check. They never did the first meeting with the family, the doctor didn’t note the expected time she would be in the facility which Medicare requirement. Mom wanted home for Mother’s Day and they weren’t going to release her. I told Mom I’d be happy to call APS but she didn’t want me to, I should have ignored her and called. I had learned the NC rules for Medicare and explained they weren’t following them. I also learned NC Medicare will pay for I think it was 21 days of rehab and then ½ for 180 days. Each State has different rules. The pm RN heard our debate because I talked really loud after I ruptured. Thank goodness for her as I was given the opportunity to see Mom’s chart that she conveniently left on top of her cart. Mom came home the next day when I threatened to call the ombudsman. That’s when we had to move in with them. Mom was teaching me how to cook again until her heart started failing and she became bed ridden. I knew from being a CNA working my way through college that the patients who had visitors received better care. It’s best for those visitors it to have a set time to visit and to visit with each shift.
@Soconfuse if any of your doctors will write an order, you can still get to a PT and ST. Just ask one to send in the order! I also had good results going to a Tai Chi class and many members here do Yoga which they report has really helped them with balance.
Hey Abby,
In Australia we have universal healthcare. In really basic terms that means if it’s deemed ‘medically needed’, it’s covered by government. This cuts back on the rehab services fighting for the dollars or who can do it cheaper. If rehab is required that’s all sorted out before hospital discharge, sometimes it’s a straight transfer from a medical ward to a rehab ward. Sometimes it could just be day clinics, but again all government funded. You can pay for private health insurance for a private room and private rehab, but it can be very expensive and for those of us with ‘pre-existing conditions’, forget it. I can no longer get health insurance.
For more long term or more challenging cases we have a specific Rehabilitation Unit, which locally here is a separate hospital altogether. It’s still government run, but a much calmer environment than a hospital medical ward and the focus is rehabilitation. They have occupational therapist, physio, hydrotherapy, psychs etc. There’s a ‘house’ (Kitchen/bathroom/laundry) setup to see how a person can manage household tasks. There’s an obstacle course for wheelchairs and travelators/walking frames, so people can learn to negotiate paths in a safer environment. If, during the rehab programme, it’s found patients need support services to live independently, there are agencies that can provide those specific services. It’s been found here that people rehabilitate better in their own environment, their own homes. So, it’s better to support them at home than to have them sitting in a hospital (For the govt. in-homecare is cheaper than a hospital care too). They try to put all of this in place prior to discharge because they found re-admission rates decreased if supports were set, ready to go.
Ohh, no. It’s not police related here. It’s considered a community service here and if my memory serves me right (and it often doesn’t ) it’s a service offered by the Red Cross. We get some HOT temps (100+F) often for a week or more and for some people, mostly on a limited incomes, it can be very isolating. Some of the more frugal clients, they may not turn on air conditioners due to the expense, but with some gentle persuasion from a caring person on the phone can be enough to convince them. The state government either have to setup a department to check ‘at risk’ residents or contract and NGO (Non-Government Organisation). They contracted the Red Cross.
The government found for people with health conditions the service, in the heat, saved lives and cutback on hospital presentations. They trialled it in the winter with a select few clients and found it benefitted many people year-round, so they made it a full service. If there is no answer after 3 calls, then ambulance is called. Still no response only then police are involved, but only visit in an unmarked (No badge/No lights) vehicle.
With some of my former clients, if the cops turned up on the door unannounced, the reaction could be rather volatile. For some the reaction was bad enough with just me turning up at their door and I had an appointment time with them . Surprise visits were a big no, no. So, as for a marked cop car…knock, knock …ohh, hell no. It’s a health check, not an investigation.
Mental health issues were a totally different issue, if the cops get the call for mental issues and it’s required, they’ll take the door off it’s hinges, but they’re mandated to use ‘de escalation techniques’ as a first response. None of this marching up with jackboots and kickin in doors. That’s only going to enflame.
Merl from the Modsupport Team
@Moltroub thank you for the tip.
Merl, they must use the same studies here, people do better rehabbing in their own home. It is why we as patients are allegedly released as soon as possible. Though the scuttlebutt is because health insurance companies don’t want to keep paying the bill. When I was able to work, the county I was employed with had opted decades earlier to provide their own insurance through a popular health insurance company instead of going with the State Employee insurance. They even have their own employee health connection where a County employee could see a NP or PA for minor things for $5 USD. We called the person the $5 doctor thanks to a friend of mine. They were supposed to have a better plan than the State could provide to employees. When I contracted out in the mental health field, I had to find my own health insurance and was able to join a group with the same popular health insurance company, the more people in a group, the lower the cost to an individual. Health Care Insurance can get complicated here, not to mention frustrating. Some health plans are better at providing coverage than others, the individual just has to be able to pay their ever rising premiums and of course the copays. Many if not most companies provide health care insurance for their employee, some used to cover the spouse at no or a minimal charge, I think that charge has gone up with the changes in the federal government laws.
Now that I’m on Medicare, it is even worse. Once a year we receive multiple phone calls and junk mail wanting me to switch to their company. A disabled person has to be careful when they start adding the different “parts” (supplemental). They have to make sure they’re covered for the future year in whatever health issues come up. I had an elderly neighbor who was quite excited that her Medicare costs were cut in half when her daughter stepped in and helped her get a different plan. Unfortunately the plan they picked did not cover the long hospital stay she ended up with that year. She thought she was going to have to sell her home to pay the charges. Fortunately she was able to work something out with the hospital and all the different entities that were charging her separately for their services. No one at the hospital told her about their 20% off if paid within 30 days and no one told her that if she couldn’t pay the 80%, she could set up a monthly payment to pay it off. I saw a small sign one time that a pre registration employee had and was turned around so she could see it, but not the patient. I actually turned it so I could read it as it started off “for patients”. She became irate enough that her supervisor heard her having a go at me. I was a very quiet person back then and wasn’t heard. I was trying to de-escalate the situation. Supervisor came in, situation explained and employee was given a verbal warning.
The hospital no longer allows Medicare patients to get the 20% off as they are providing health care at an already reduced price. But someone on Medicare can pay just a meager amount, say $5 a month as long as they don’t miss a payment or are late it won’t go on their credit report and the hospital won’t come calling for payment in full through the bill collectors.
Some individuals don’t qualify for some of those supplemental parts, some do it’s dependent on the financial ability of the individual. I am one of the fortunate ones who receive two disability checks, my Medicare takes ⅓ of my federal government disability check. The cost of Medicare has gone up rather drastically but our cola (cost of living allowance) has not gone up as much to cover the cost of health insurance. It’s very easy to understand how people who are disabled or retired can struggle if all they have is their monthly check.
[quote=“ModSupport, post:16, topic:17358”]
The government found for people with health conditions the service, in the heat, saved lives and cutback on hospital presentations.
[/quote].
We have had similar studies here in the States. There are a limited amount of funds available through the County Department of Health and Human Services to pay electric bills. Our biggest provider of electricity can work with individuals as well. We do have a law that I can’t quote, but basically it says the electricity provider cannot shut off electricity for non payment if there’s a health need. The person has to provide the company with a note from the doctor. There are also community groups who provide fans free of charge. We don’t stay in the 100’s in our summers, mostly 90’s but the humidity can be bad. Heat stroke is very possible and often occurs.
Yep, same here. But an individual would have already filled out the request form so would know that a squad car would respond if the call was not answered. No surprise there. Law Enforcement is supposed to be trained to deescalate situations but like any field, some are just better than others. Before entering the residence, they would have to see the need. Someone laying on the floor would be a need. They would look through any and all windows they could to see if that person was even home. They wouldn’t know to call EMS until they could verify the person is home and in need of medical care. We have more squad cars than we do EMS personnel. They also knock hard enough it can shake a door. I learned how to do that knock, it’s surprising how fast someone will throw a door open😂
Oh the Red Cross…I’ve learned it’s different in every community and only as good as the volunteers it takes.
Your Mom might not know how serious this is or can be. If she won’t stay have your friends stay, you’ll have more fun anyways. Good luck with your surg.
Can they do Endo vascular coiling? Much less evasive. I had 33mm aneurysm and they coiled it going up my right femoral artery. Still have a shunt but avoided clipping. God bless.