Survived A Ruptured Brain Aneurysm while Traveling In Spain

[ChrisC]

Hi Everyone,

I’m extremely grateful to be apart of this community and hope that I can ultimately give back more than I take. Thanks for taking some time to learn about my recent story.

On 8/4, while on vacation in Deba, Spain, with my family, I woke up feeling great, and decided to take a walk while everyone was starting to get up for their day. I had cup of coffee before I left.

About 5 minutes into my walk, I had begin to feel light headed and had to stop. I felt I needed to sit down immediately, on my way to sit on the grassy intersection, I lost consciousness. I can’t tell you how long I was out, maybe 10-15 minutes. I can tell you that, I managed to regain consciousness but was confused, disoriented, and in pain.

I managed to make it back to the apartment and up 3 flights of stairs. My 10 year old daughter let me in and I asked her to get Mommy. After vomiting and not getting any relief from symptoms, my family wheeled me to a small clinic. I went from apartment to clinic in less than an hour. The town is so small the clinic is the closet thing they have to a hospital. Upon initial testing at the clinic, they feared I suffered a stroke and immediately sent me to a hospital in San Sebastián for further testing, which is about a 30 minute drive.

At the hospital, cardiologists went through the artery in my right arm to probe my heart. They found my heart to be in great condition, nothing wrong at all. The doctor consultation afterwards was to tell me and my wife that I had a bad migraine and that I would be discharged. My wife pressed and pressed for a brain scan, she was relentless. The doctor refused until my wife specifically requested she include the specific reason for discharging me with out a brain scan so my doctors at home will have full visibility on their level of care and treatment protocol.

The doctor then agreed to the scan, and the ruptured aneurysm was properly identified. I was then rushed to the ER. This time they went though my artery in my groin to access the rupture in my brain to close it with a metal coil. This is all still new territory so I’m not sure what the proper medical terminology.

I spent a week ICU, then they moved me to general recovery. I don’t have a release date yet but my progress has been good. Aside from head pains, tinnitus, and fatigue, I feel like my usually self at least on the outside. The blood on my brain seems to be absorbing as hoped with no convulsions.

While I look absolutely the same on the outside, minus a lot of weight, inside I’m a mess. I’m confused, anxious, scared, grateful, happy, sad, every emotion seems to happen at once and it’s overwhelming.

I sense a big part of this is being in a foreign hospital with a language barrier trying to understand what the doctors are explaining to me about my condition. I feel my body and mind are trapped in separate prisons at the moment. I hate this feeling of self pity and feel I should be signing with joy to be alive. I am so grateful to still get to hold my wife and kids but it’s a struggle for some reason. It’s been a blessing to see my daughter, 7 year old son, and wife daily but I know they have been through the same mental turmoil as me. There’s a lot of healing we all need to accomplish, Individually and as a family.

My days in the hospital include reading (The Wisdom of Insecurity), listening to audiobooks (The Choice, The Universe Has Your Back, Think Like A Monk) sketching, and sudoku (30 games so far). I also meditate 2-3 times a day. Like my restricted diet, everything I consume mentally has to be beneficial to my emotional well being.

I’m talking with a therapist who I know and trust tonight and I’m really looking forward to it.

I’ve reached out to my neurologist (been seeing him for an unrelated condition I’ve had for 5 years, benign fasciculation syndrome) in Austin and his office is waiting for my return so I can get in as soon as possible.

I’m not sure what else would be helpful for others to know about my story but my scars are now yours, and I’m happy to answer any questions to be a light for others.

I survived. I am a survivor.

Sincerely,

Chris

[DickD]

Chris,

You did, mate. You survived.

Recovery is all of the things you talk about. I’ve not had a bleed: I have something called an arteriovenous malformation and it was pumping blood basically the wrong way round my brain. I had it embolised (with just glue in my case, no coils) and I can tell you that, honestly, it takes a long time to feel better after that, never mind after a bleed.

You sound like you’re doing brilliantly, so keep it up. It takes the most unreasonable time to get back to being you, so take that time.

Welcome! It is great to have you on board!

Richard

[ChrisC]

Thanks so much for the kind words of support. This is exactly what I need for my recovery. I also need to get out of this hospital….it’s making me crazy!

[DickD]

I’m sure there are an overwhelming number of emotions going on at the moment. It’s not at all unusual to feel quite weird about the rollercoaster that you’re on (you’re still on it, which is likely why you’re not feeling ok about surviving yet). It’s definitely a very weird situation, not helped by being in a place you don’t understand.

I think my one incitement for you is to be far more patient with yourself than you ever thought would be necessary regarding your recovery. If you think that a broken bone takes a long time to mend and that itching under the plaster for six weeks is unbearable, you are going to have to think on a different timeline for your brain. Different.

So don’t fight against that: it is going to take a long time. Persevere with it, work to get yourself well at the pace they set you and be patient. There’s a temptation to work hard and get there quicker but it doesn’t work that way, so take it as an exercise in patience and perseverance.

I’m reminded of Terry Waite: he might not be someone you remember but he was the special envoy of the Archbishop of Canterbury in the 1980s and he set out to try to negotiate the release of hostages from various places in the Middle East, doing so quite successfully. He was taken hostage himself and spent a number of years in captivity. Now, you’re not in for a sentence as long or deprived or frightening as Terry but the approach he took to staying sane through the long hours of incarceration is a model for any of us.

One of the amazing things about the modern world is places like this: the internet: because even if we are bound to the house, bound to the bed, we can read about others and maybe share a thought that just helps one person one step along the way. I’m constantly blown away by the simplicity of it but sometimes how effective it can be.

End of thought for today! Hope something here helps.

Best wishes,

Richard

[ChrisC]

This is a beautiful perspective and I completely understand the temptation to move fast. I love the broken bone analogy, I’ve broken plenty in my life so I get it. I’m not familiar the the archbishop you mention but he’s next to read on my list. I have read Franks’s Man Search for Meaning, which I plan to reread when I get home. Thanks again for this, it’s helpful for my journey.

[oct20]

@ChrisC
I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. But glad you are on the mend. One thing I learned from my ruptured aneurysm is that the brain doesn’t seem to understand that it is sick and needs to heal. I was like you at my two weeks in the ICU, answering emails, sending messages to friends, but I don’t remember much about it. I can only see what I did on my phone. It is important to stay in the hospital until the acute injury has stabilized, they are monitoring for a potential vasospasm and or hydrocephalus. I’m sure they know what they are doing. You are not ready until they tell you. Also, the recovery takes a long time, longer than you might think. Please be patient and pace yourself.

[ChrisC]

Thanks for these words of encouragement!

Two weeks in the IICU must have felt like an eternity. Glad to hear you made it through, it’s inspirational.

I feel my brain is doing the exact thing you mentioned, being unaware of it’s injury. It wants to plow forward, towards an imaginary future that iOS similar to past that no longer exists. I feel it’s my consciousness and the present that need to help guide my brain to a more realistic future based on what is now instead of what was.

In just a short time, this community has been incredibly supportive of my needs and full of valuable information that my wife and I have found so helpful as we start on our long journey to recovery.

As for the Spanish medical team that was been helping me through this, I’m blessed to be in their care, I trust what they are doing yet question everything. I’d do the same if I was in a hospital in Austin. It’s hard to keep emotions, such as frustration, in check but the reply’s to my post keep me motivated to take one step at a time.

[Moltroub]

Welcome aboard Chris and family! Yes sir, you are a survivor in the strongest sense of the word! By sharing your journey, you’ve stepped it up a notch and by helping yourself, you truly do help others all over the world. Isn’t the internet just simply amazing?

The medical terminology can be a bit confusing. Going through the groin is using the femoral artery for the endovascular coiling procedure. For me platinum is in my brain I do believe, and a good bit of it! I’ve had four procedures two with just coils, one with a ballon assist and the last with a stent - so I am a wired, caged, airhead lol. When we rupture, the blood gets into our CSF (Cerebral Spinal Fluid) and the entire body has to then absorb it. Takes everyone who has ruptured a bit of time for this to happen, more blood - more time.

I ruptured back in 2013 and spent 26 days in NSICU of which I called spa treatment. For many of those days I didn’t have to even wipe my own arse - thus “spa treatment”. BH came every day save but 2 because of the weather. I believe @oct20 is correct, she’s one smart cookie, they’re monitoring you for possible vasospasms. Since I didn’t read the manual on subarachnoid hemorrhage I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to have vasospasms for 21 days. My Neurosurgoen chose to keep me on Triple H therapy instead of another procedure. Though other medical professionals have second guessed and said many things against her decisions on how best to treat me, like you I’m here to tell the tale. So I am a strong supporter of my Neurosurgeon. I think the expectations for vasospasms is somewhere between day 5 and day 21.

I do know that after my promised year of not looking up information on the internet I discovered this group and it’s been a plethora of not only information but support.

Everyone is different in recovery. When I was in for my stay, my BF brought in a book. I couldn’t understand half the words and bless the individual who walked past my bed, they all would tell me what the word meant. I wasn’t allowed my phone for two weeks so my dictionary became a walking one . I just this year learned how to do suduko again…I play every day now. The ones I play have a daily challenge which I like to do. Games are very good for our brain, keeps it working I do believe. I also play Wordle with a few friends, we just share the results, and Waffle, both word games, not always easy but I enjoy them as does my brain.

The relaxation breathing one does whilst meditating will help you more than I can say. Keep it up 24/7 and it will help you with the pain, frustration, etc. Guess you’ll have to trust me on this one…it’s just my experience.

There’s an app I used to have to use, maybe Google Translate? That may help with the language barrier. Haven’t used it in years but if I remember correctly, one just has to speak and not type. It will give you the translation or translate your TX English to Spanish😄. You may have to show the phone to the medical folks that work with you and read the translations. Jeesh I wish I could remember!

We also have many members who read the genre you do, I hope they come and make more suggestions. I still have several books I found back in my college days that I’ve kept. Two of them are “As A Man Thinketh” by James Allen. American history was once a passion and I often came across a passage that would explain this one little book was often packed in a saddlebag and brought to the West. Chico State actually had a first edition printing of it and allowed me to check it out of the library! Another I really enjoy is “The Tao of Pooh”. In one of my Pysch courses, a professor had us buy “Taming Your Gremlins”. It’s a quirky simple book for being a self help book with fun artwork in it. It is the only self help book I have ever recommended and trust me again, I had to read a lot of them in my major. I don’t know if it’s still in print, you might be able to check it out online through one of the many libraries available. Don’t forget to do some light reading, something that will make you laugh out loud. Life is a balancing act and we do need to stay positive through the healing process.

I wanted to reach out here to your wife, if I may…you are a fantastic individual! Without your demands, I imagine Mr. Chris wouldn’t be here. I shared your story with BH who is simply amazed! To be in another country with two little ones and seeing Mr. Chris daily is a strong indicator of how much you love your husband and just how strong you are! Ben’s Friends does have a Caregiver Support Group in case you didn’t know. https://caregiversupportcommunity.org/ I usually suggest caregivers take some time for themselves. I don’t think I can suggest that unless you have a trusted friend that can watch your children. I imagine all the emotions Chris is feeling, you are as well. I’m going to reach out to moderators from other support groups to see what they can come up with…and with your permission I will reach out to some friends that were in the helping profession for decade. I’m hoping members and caregivers here can help you as well as Chris.

In the meantime, make sure you and Chris give hugs every day. Hugs and laughter actually increase endorphins which make us feel good. Do something you love to do every day even if it’s just for a half an hour. Get rest. I know easier said then done especially in your situation. If your children are young enough to take naps, it will give you a bit of a break. If they’re older, maybe they can entertain themselves for awhile. My great nieces just graduated college (one went to university in TX) were in Spain a couple of weeks ago or I would ask them to help you out. But they’re back Stateside and getting ready to start the next leg of their education.

Stay connected with family and friends so you can debrief. Find someone who will focus on how your doing and not Chris. I know with BH, it was exhausting to keep family and friends updated daily and the folks who helped the most were the ones who cared about the well being of BH and not me.

I’ve written too much again…don’t think I’ll ever learn. But y’all have pulled my heart strings. Keep up the positivity and know we will support y’all best we can!

[DickD]

N.B. @ChrisC don’t try to out-type @Moltroub!

[oct20]

@ChrisC
Well two weeks didn’t seem like an eternity because I wasn’t able to fully understand what happened. I have very spotty memories of the two weeks. I remember that at one time I started to check and trying to adjust the monitors attached to my body that were beeping, and my RN said that it was unusual for me to act this way, he almost slapped my hand. I think it was the first sign of the vasospasm that happened and he understood. I was thinking that I could adjust all the beeping monitors myself, having worked my entire life in hospitals as a former RN and Certified Nurse Midwife in my home country, so the monitors were familiar to me, or so I thought…… I have never cared for someone with a ruptured aneurysm so I didn’t fully get it. The vasospasm got worse, my family was really worried. But I made it through and I hope you will too. Our judgment is a bit altered I have to say, but for me it’s over and no one can see in my appearance what I have gone through.
I say it again, don’t rush, listen to your doctors. Be patient.

[ChrisC]

Apologies for the lag time. I really appreciate the time you took to lay all of this out for my wife and I.

I shared this with her during our lunch yesterday, she almost broke down in tears. For whatever reason, she didn’t. I think she still feels she’s my protector and needs to be “tough” for our entire family right now.

A few things have changed since my last update, all good. I was released on Wed. due to the progress I’ve made. We spent two nights in a hotel to transition me out of the hotel and back into the real world. I was in heaven, I had my wife with me, hotel food, a comfy bed, peace and quite.

Yesterday, we also met with the two neurologists who inserted the platinum coil, it was an emotional reunion. They were fantastic and answered all of the lingering questions we had. I’ll never forget them.

Today we made the short drive to Deba, which is where my kids have been with their grandparents. It’s been more work than I thought it would be but I’m taking it slow. We took a short walk to get popsicles, which was a treat I think I enjoyed more than the kids, then walked to the beach to catch the sunset. I feel guilty because I’ve read so many other stories about other survivors who have been less fortunate, it takes a lot to process and find peace with my recovery.

Aside from the emotional turmoil, sleep and ringing in the ears have been the biggest challenges. Sleep eludes me most of the time, except for the hotel, where I managed solid blocks of sleep in the evening of about 3-4 hours each. I’m restless tonight, it’s 4a, now. My guess is the new environment and I took a nap this afternoon. I spoke with my therapist for the first time since my accident, it was great. He recommended listening to Dr, Jeffrey Thompson. I’ve been streaming his station via Pandora, he can be found on any music platform, and it helps,

The ringing in my ears is constant, I can’t turn it off but have found noice cancelling ear buds help, when I’m not using those I use earplugs. Eating hard food, like piece of crunchy French bread has been tough. The first bite triggers, what feels like a bomb going off in my brain with a metallic echo. I also have Peltor like ear protection as well in case I need an extra layer of protection in the airport or on the plane ride home next week.

The last thing, I would like to mention is for the benefit of others who are struggling with fear. Through meditation this morning, while still in the hotel, I had clarity on my fears. In particular, I came to realize that as much as I hated being in that hospital, I developed a need for the security it provided. I didn’t realize this was where my mind was, I just knew I felt uncomfortable with taking the next step. When I was discharged, they didn’t remove my ID bracelet. When we were at the hotel, my wife asked why I had it on. I told her I felt better knowing people could see it, in hopes they will stay far away from me, and not engage me in the slightest way. It was a security blanket. After my meditation, I was able to refocus on moving ahead with more confidence and even took the bracelet off. Most important, I was able to verbalize this to my wife and share my feelings with her in real-time.

My Dream Team…

[DickD]

@ChrisC

All of this sounds like great news!

Your introspection, self-awareness and the things you take as guides are all really intelligent and I think are helping you enormously.

I had what’s called “pulsatile tinnitus” prior to my AVM embolisation, PT is where I could hear a whoosh, whoosh, in time with each heartbeat as the blood pumped from an artery into my transverse sinuses and past my ears. Once I had the embolisation to block up the erroneous connection, I had quite decent tinnitus – very loud at night, probably just as loud as the PT had been

Anyway, I’d say there’s a decent chance of it fading. The trick is not to listen to it. For some people, it won’t go away but for some it will. I’m obviously hoping you follow my pattern and it goes away. I didn’t find noise overwhelming at any point but it is fair to say that others do. All of these things depend on what has been upset by your bleed and/or the operation.

Have a great day!

Richard

[ChrisC]

@DickD

don’t try to out-type @Moltroub!

Wouldn’t dream of it.

[Moltroub]

You did out type me Mr. Chris and you included a picture! Good for you!. And you’ve been released, how awesome is that!

I used to hear my heartbeat every time I laid down for as long as I can remember. When I ruptured it went away but I got the ringing that wouldn’t stop, drove me batty. And I missed the pulsatile tinnitus. My PCP had me try a fan, the old desk type that clicks, when I went to bed. It worked wonders! The ENT said nothing could be done about it. But yesterday I read @Suzanne’s post found here Hi I'm Suzanne and her Audiologist gave her some great ideas!

You don’t know how happy I was to read your children were staying with their grandparents! I’m sure they were a huge help for you and your wife. I was thinking yesterday about the language barrrier…could only come up with Mexican Spanish is no where the same as Spain’s Spanish, sort of like American English and the English @DickD speaks😂

Your wife, bless her heart (in the good way), is your protector! She will never step all the way down if she’s anything like BH. You both will have to work on it. I do believe BH has PTSD from my rupture, I don’t have it. BH gave me as many rules as my Neurosurgeon did! BH was scared to death and can still get upset about it all. I finally had to put a stop to both. Didn’t work but at least I got the words out. After several years, they finally decided I was going to do what I wanted to do and have eased up a lot. There are many things I can’t do because individuals whether specialists or BH always rat on me.

Keep up the relaxation breathing, have your wife do it as well. Don’t forget the protein W.H.O recommends 120 gms a day now, the dietician in the hospital said at least 90 gms a day, it helps with the brain healing. And hydration, don’t forget to hydrate!

[oct20]

@ChrisC
This is wonderful news! There will always be a before and after the rupture in our lives. It seems that as time goes by, we replace the bad memories with new and more normal days. I was also sensitive to bright light, high sounds and crowded areas. Almost two years later, I feel that it’s not a big problem anymore.
A few months ago, I flew to my mother county by myself, a trip over the Ocean that took a total of 17 hours. I was a bit worried about it, but my neurosurgeon had told me that nothing will happen in my brain during the flight. He was right! My husband joined me two weeks later and we had a wonderful and very emotional time with friends and family. I needed to rest a little bit more, but that’s a cheap price to pay.
Hang on to your “security blanket” as long as it’s a healthy one. For me, I bought a couple of “medical information bracelets” one waterproof for exercising and two other for everyday use as I am on a high dose Aspirin due to the intracranial stent. It says “my name, on blood thinners, intracranial stent and coils, see wallet card “
On my emergency wallet card I have a brief summary of the information, type of coils, the stent, medication, neurosurgeon, primary care physician and phone number to my husband.
I never leave home without it.
If this is something you want, there are some good ones for men. I can send you a link in a message.
When we have a bleed, the blood gravitates down the spine and it sometimes creates some pain especially in the legs. If you experience this, it seems to help to take short, slow walks. I think I had problems with this for a while after I got home from the ICU.
First you are dealing with the physical trauma, the next step will be to put the pieces together and the emotional trauma. I think the emotional path is a bit longer and it’s not uncommon to experience some PTSD symptoms. I have them, but not as often anymore. My primary care physician told me that if it got worse I should reach out for help.
This forum has been a very helpful source of information for me and I am glad to be able to give back and share my experience. It’s good to know that you share this information with your wife.
Please let us know how it goes and have a safe trip back home. (ohh, I almost out typed @Moltroub )

[Moltroub]

Y’all can out type me any time!. I think the bracelet idea is grand! Would you mind starting a new topic about it so all our members can see it?

[oct20]

@Moltroub
That’s a good idea. I’ll do it.

[ChrisC]

Done.

[Moltroub]

@ChrisC just checking in with how you’re doing Chris since you popped into my wee brain this am…