Apparently, I need to stop talking about my brain surgery, people seem to not know what to say or they just ignore it. People tell me it’s no big deal. You’ll be fine Why do you need someone with you after surgery?
I’m sure it will all be fine. But having not done some thing like this before I have no idea how long it will take me to recover, how long I’ll be in the hospital, the kind of help I might need, and just basic support.I am going to start just talking to me cat.
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You don’t need to stop talking here, it’s all good. I talk to our dogs all the time, sometimes they even answer me. Some days one or the other will tell me it’s time to stop and get cuddle time in. All kidding aside, we get it better than those who’ve never had something awry in their brain.
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One of my biggest fears is that I’m going to be mean. I don’t wanna be mean to people. I don’t worry be mean to the hospital people. It’s a genuine fear. I think I’m going to put notes around my house and say you’re OK don’t be mean
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Abbycat70,
Many people do not know how to react to other people’s concerns - medical, legal, emotional, etc - so they minimize or ignore. Many people are just so focused on their own life that they don’t recognize the seriousness of someone else’s concerns. It is great you are open and talking about what is happening in your life, but you may want to keep in mind, as Moltroub said, the majority of people cannot truly identify with what you are going through or how you are feeling. Though friends and family try, they just don’t comprehend the depth of what is happening in your life. Perhaps, though, they are a better distraction for you – enjoy the family/friends for who they are and not as a frustrating sounding board – and get in touch with a counselor who is trained with such challenges, or share here! My history is a bit different in that I never wanted to talk about it, never wanted to share because I felt it magnified new disabilities. I used to get frustrated when my family would tell others about “the miracle” of my being alive. I don’t recommend that extreme either - hiding is not truly a good alternative.
Perhaps if there is one or two close friends or family members with whom you can share you thoughts and, in exchange, open up to let them voice theirs. They may have feelings about what you are going through that they are nervous to share because they don’t want to upset you. Offer an ear to them as they offer an ear to you.
As to behavior after surgery – it is unpredictable if the surgery will impact behavior. I like your ideas of having notes around to remind you of who you desire to be. I have similar notes around my home now to remind me of my goals for the year. Self-reminding and self-affiirming nudges can be very helpful.
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I totally agree with @KrysG and I found this to help us all Self-Affirmations: Definition, 195 Examples, & Lists - The Berkeley Well-Being Institute. Take a look at the way you’re wanting to say your affirmation, can you put it in a more positive sentence? The author has a several different links but unfortunately I don’t have the time today to read them. One of my favorites since I popped my pipe is “You can do it” which I got from Leah on her YouTube videos😂
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Hopefully your recovery will be smooth and you will have minimal to no deficits. It is completely understandable to want/need to talk about this. It’s really hard to plan even if it’s your twentieth time, because there’s no guarantee that the same procedure will have identical results and recovery.
I would probably wind up not having further discussion with those people who aren’t willing to hear me, just because it would upset me and take my attention away from myself. Your feelings and concerns are absolutely valid, and you shouldn’t feel minimized by others.
Sharon from ModSupport
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I was lucky I did ok after my brain surgery I had a pipe line diverter put in three of mine and I still have one that they are watching . I have a very small circle of people I speak to I also have other health issues and been on disability since my early 40’s and I learned fast who I could count on . There were many that always said you look fine how can you be sick. !! I wish you all the best on your surgery ! As far as your Cat OMG I love talking to my cats they are the best for snuggles and love and make me feel great !
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I can see how easy it is to be frustrated by people who tell you how they think you look. Or when they tell you how lucky you are. I hear all the same things and try not to let it frustrate me, sometimes easier said than done.
It has helped my recovery to get out of the house and drive around and see people. Sometimes they don’t expect to see me out and they look at me like I’m a ghost. Sometimes they don’t say anything because they don’t know what to say or figure I don’t want to talk about it. I accept it all at this point. But since I’m out I have noticed things that are different for me and mentally different. And not everyone notices all that
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Thank you everybody. I never really thought much about blobbo, that is his name, until I decided to do something about it. Had I not had that strange attack at the casino that sent me to the emergency room then maybe I would have not thought anything of it. But when that happened and they told me that it had growth, I realized it was time to alter my thinking. Perhaps I could go the rest of my life, and this thing would never bother me again and just hang out, but like most of you, just thinking about having it hang in there with potential to do some thing is enough to , put you on edge.
I do have a counselor. And I think that that will be a good thing I do have some people to pray nice. But there are a few, like we all know, that I going to be more difficult. But my mom is coming down for a little while and I have a couple of friends that are going to pop in here and there so I should be OK. I’m not going to push myself into driving until I think that I am absolutely ready. But it doesn’t mean that I can’t go out with other people. And yes, having a cat makes everything better.
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Never stop talking about it. Always talk about it because years will pass and holding it in will affect you. When they say itll all be fine is their lack of knowledge so, educate those who want to be educated and those who dont their lucky to even know that sacred part of you. That part thats so scary to talk about that only special people should know. Ive learned that only a hand full of people can know me on that level. My anerysum ruptured 7years ago and only a hand full of people know about it understand it and agnoledge it. It takes a lot from you when people dont take the time to be considerate of what your going through and just listen.
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You do NOT need to stop talking because the more everyone shares their stories more people will understand and/or learn about what others are going through, having to deal with, be prepared if they end up facing it one day, AND learn to be empathetic towards one another!
Please don’t let others dictate what you do, how you live, etc. as usually that person with empathy towards others (you in this scenario) is the one who should stand strong to make this world a better place! “What this world needs now is love” and it will only happen with people like you.
Marsi
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Was just looking threw old posts about people wanting me to “get past it” and “you’re fine.” Landed on this and it really reasonated with me. This has been a real struggle for me, too. I only recently started pushing against these kinds of comments to a wider circle of people. My immediate family is wonderful about it. They understand the trauma that we all went through when I had my rupture in 2019. I have finally found the strength to politely not respond to comments about my situation. My new normal involes processing speed problems; lots of dropping and breaking things, losing things and not being able to see them right in front of me, and tripping and falling. I sometimes look like I’ve been beaten up! It hard to hide that.
Anyway, somewhere along the way, I heard someone say that it took them about 9 years to get a handle on the new normal. That concept is very comforting to me still. My recovery has taken so many forms, way beyond what I expected. I feel like Im still trying to accept and understand some of the radical changes that have happened to me.
I think the trauma of what happened can’t be understood by everyone. Its very uncomfortable for some people to talk about the severe trauma of anyerism or any severe trauma, and a problem that can’t necessarily be “fixed.”
And yes, Mr Cosmo, my cat, has heard all about it.
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