sometimes a notice some subtle differences and myself. I’m two months out of my surgery and I’m doing pretty well. I went back to work a little soon and my doctor had me go out for a couple weeks. However, it didn’t really matter because I ended up just doing all this work from home instead of being on FMLA. My choice.
I’ve always pride myself on a bit of my ridiculousness. That’s why kids like me because I subscribe to the purely ridiculous in life. I have found after my surgery that there is a seriousness that has come into me. I I don’t laugh as much as I used to, and I have more of a serious tone about the things that I do. Has anybody else experienced something like this? part of it is I don’t feel supportive and part of it is my anxiety which is kind of putting me into an OCD space. But I just don’t have a use for so many things right now.
Had no affect after I ruptured for a long time, I am told I’m more anal than I used to be. And I’m told when I get something in my head it’s much harder to let it go. Things will balance out eventually, be kind to yourself.
I. think because I have existed in a very quiet bubble for the last little bit here, that being out and about and having pressure on thinking and getting things right is difficult for me. And like you I think I’m a little more serious and anal about things.I am having terribly mood swings. I just go from I I don’t give a shitto now when you look at me I’m going to cry. I wasn’t feeling that way when I went back to work. I was a little bit nervous about going back to work and I ended up having to go out for a couple of weeks because it literally was just too much. But I came back.
Like you, I did not have any effects physically or anything else when I got home. I was fine for quite a while and I felt very lucky. But it’s just little by little. I start to see pieces creep in and there’s nothing you can do I just have to try and roll with the punches.
But I’m feeling very alone and misunderstood. I get the people can never understand how it feels to live through something like this.
My job has changed and that doesn’t help. We got a new teacher in there and the other two teachers I was working with aren’t there this year and that’s a change that’s hard for me. The new teacher is not very friendly or open and so my environment has completely changed and that’s very difficult for me. I love my kids and I would do anything for them and like I said there’s a lot of positive things I can say, ( truely!) but right now it’s just difficult. I would’ve never known that going into that assembly wouldaffect me that much but when I walked in and there was the band playing right next to where I was sitting and it was loud , I about died. Then, of course, as high schools are they did the who can scream loudest thing. I could feel myself starting to cry and piercing pain in my head and I said I got to go.
I’m gonna talk to my doctor about giving me an accommodation just for things like assemblies that have you know a lot people in there yelling and screaming and making a l lot of noise. that’s a little bit too much for my head.
physically, aside from loud noises from my head, I’m doing very well. Like you, I just didn’t really have any major side effects and so I feel very lucky and I still do. But, these new things that are popping up are annoying me. As I have heard, it said people have to adjust what the new normal is in their life. though I am fine, it’s still very invasive to have somebody inside of your head moving things around.
I m just not very happy and that sucks because normally I am a pretty ridiculous Inam ab happy person.
It will get better. I just need to hold on!
Thank you. for listening. I didn’t need mean to write a novels, but just feeling a little alone and I know that you guys get it.
I have a good bit of physical stuff I had to either retrain myself to do or some I’ve learned to live with as it doesn’t effect my well being and one I’ve recently learned I have that I think is an eye hand coordination thing but I’ll ask one of my doctors. I forgot to ask the NP when I went to my Neurology appointment.
I replied to your other post for an earplug suggestion they are affordable and have a decent decibel protection. For me, medication alone doesn’t help but the ear plugs are always my first go to thing. We have a friend who is a Pentecostal preacher and his church gets loud, very loud with the music and singing not to mention Kenny’s preaching lol. I don’t need meds for that, I wear my sunglasses due to the very bright flashing lights on the screen and ear protection for the sounds otherwise all my issues come up. I downloaded an app for my phone that shows decibels, it’s very interesting. It would be fun to see how loud those school rallies get, just not fun to be in one without the proper protection.
The new teacher may just be shy and a bit overwhelmed with a new school, new students and the faculty, probably more the faculty cliques. When I was a behavior specialist and had clients in different schools, those faculty cliques could be as mean and hateful as a group of students. They gossip just as bad and like students, they often say things that are too loud and are overheard by their victim. They like to control everything which was hard to deal with in that job, a heck of a lot easier when I became a SW lol. We know they have really poor self esteem, so it makes it easier to know how to handle them. And cliques aren’t just found in schools, every single place of employment has them. I would suggest treating her like you would a new student. No matter our age, it’s very hard to be the new kid on the block.
We do all get it here, that’s what makes this support group so wonderful. I love to read the progress our members make, slow and steady wins the race.
Hey Abby,
That’s not a novel, you’re doing OK. Look at some of mine, they’re novels 
You’re seeing progress, that’s a plus, yes, it may be slower than you thought. Yes, there are those niggling symptoms, but you are making adjustments to manage.
You are identifying your own personal triggers ie group assembly/screaming kids and how to manage it for you. This is ALL part of your progression and that’s a good thing. I found that it is not a straight line of progression, some days I have minimal issues, some days it all hits me like a brick.
Then there’s the psychological adjustments. The acceptance that you’ve had a man scrabbling around in your brain is NOT easy. Other people’s understanding of that fact is impossible for many to even comprehend, let alone understand. In the past I’ve tried to inform and educate others, some get it. But some just get a glazed look. Then you have others who make snide little comments, or you walk into a chatty room and everything turns silent. Hmmm. Now, I am not being sexist here, but I was the sole male working with 9 females and, OMG, it was corrosive and some of it was damn right offensive.
I must agree with @Moltroub
Merl from the Modsupport Team
Nope, no man…a very tenacious, firecracker of a woman - think nitro as it comes in small packages. She can maneuver through my squiggly brain’s arteries with the ease of a mountain climber!
