My post is probably more to vent then to look for advice and you all are the only ones that would understand this. It's been 2 yrs since the clippings of my 2 unruptured aneurysms and I was very fortunate with how everything turned out. I was able to return to my job and most of my family and my coworkers were very supportive.
The issue I'm having is with my sister, she's 3 yrs older than me and we were never really that close even though I've tried. I don't know if she was jealous of the attention I got when I went thru my surgery (which would be pretty weird to me) but she supposedly slipped and fell last year in her driveway and while she first told us that the doctors told her she had a "possible" concussion it then turned into a definite concussion which then turned into therapy and she couldn't go to work for a couple of weeks because she couldn't remember things.
Anyway, this happened last year and now every time the family gets together she still brings it up and says that while she's getting better she still has "issues" and seems to be looking for sympathy.
Now, even though I was able to return to my job I do have "issues" everyday due my surgery which may never go away. I don't talk about these, I just feel blessed that things turned out pretty good for me considering what a lot of others on this site are going through.
I'm just wondering...am I wrong to be annoyed by my sister comparing a possible concussion to brain surgery or am I just going thru some overly sensitive mood swing?
No you are not wrong...to feel the way you do as long as you remember you can never make someone feel the same...oh wow...Valerie, does that make sense? I have 3 older sisters and one of my sisters does this with everything, including my surgery and more...I have learned after much time to laugh it off...and know that she just doesn't get it...and those that do...my parents, my husband, my friends...are what and who are important...what is the old saying..."You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your relatives"...it is so true...
Feel the way you do ... and then move on and away from situations that have to do with sister/and health...Glad you came here to vent...it is good to see you...and keep taking care of YOU along this journey...~ Colleen
Oh don't be sorry Valerie...my sister has always been this way...it took forever to deal with her...I still have my moments...trust me...but as I get older I find that some will never change...You keep on taking care of YOU and have a good day ~ Colleen
Hi Valerie. I think every family or set of friends has one like your sister that need the attention. a friend from my church came up to me shortly after I got out of the hospital. My incission from my crainitomy was still visible. This friend said " I think I have what you had" as they looked at my scar. I said " you have a ruptured aneurysm?" They said "yes". Well, after talking with this person I recommended they see a eye doctor. I said " sounds like you have a cataract on your left eye". The person had it treated and they are fine. I am trying to be gentle and understanding with people that have small problems, but its hard. By the way, when I spoke to this person I was stumbling over my words as many of you still do due to brain damage. Im learning to smile and enjoy my "new normal" We have experienced and survived something that many people never can. So let them complain about hangnails, or small aches and pains. Just smile.
Thank you all for the encouraging responses. Probably most people with any kind of illness or medical issue knows someone like my sister. Generally I do feel sorry for her and try to encourage and motivate her but there are times when I guess I'm a bit more self absorbed and it bothers me.
The quote about not knowing someone till you walk in their shoes is so true....I need to start practicing that myself, her issues may be larger than mine.
hi Valerie! you say supposedly slipped and fell?? do you suspect she lies ? If she did hit her head then yes her concussion could have very serious effects. i'm not sure she is comparing her injury to yours, maybe just venting? or trying to say--- "I see your hurting and I hurt for you too and I am sorry " but cant find the words? Seems to me like she or both of you has turned medical issues into a competition , too hard to judge from afar and I have no schooling in these areas, some people are just not supportive by nature. my own family is the same way at times. Oh also my friend asked me about my effects of the rupture and I said it was my whole left side, he started right away about his heart issues, I didn't perceive it as comparing but as--- "I feel your pain brother, see I hurt too" This happened when I had cancer too, they don't know what to say so the rant about their health to try to make an alliance.
I hope this helped some and I hope your sister and you become closer, I think communication is the key and is usually lacking and I am guilty. Also key is the notion "moving forward", we must try harder every day, day in day out, hang in there things will get better as we learn to adjust, ignore etc etc, tc~
Thanks for your message Ron. I have tried to look at it from her side too and have tried to talk to her about it but she’s very defensive with her feelings. I’m just trying to be supportive to her now, we unfortunately didn’t have a good upbringing and I was with a foster family for a lot of my teens so I may be trying to find a simple answer to a more complicated problem.
thanks Valerie for the reply- I was afraid I may have upset you- its hard to communicate my good intentions in this format, yes all families have thisturmoil like this it seems including mine, ty for posting such a personal story- you are not alone! tc
